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A question for all the singles

post #1 of 24
Thread Starter 
Ever have one of those lonely days? I think it's just the holiday blues, but for some reason today I find myself wishing I had a B.F. It's very unusual for me as I am independant & am usually happier single. It could also be that I have a crush on someone I know I have no chance with. I feel stupid for having a crush. I'm 33 & it feels so high school to feel this way about someone I barely know. I don't know I guess it would help to hear from other single people that they feel lonley some days too.
post #2 of 24
I just spent the weekend with my bro, SIL, & baby nephew.

Made me realize that if being single is what makes me happy, then that's me. No kids? Fine with me.

You need to do what makes you happy. Go hug a kitty.
post #3 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by white cat lover View Post
You need to do what makes you happy. Go hug a kitty.
why do you think i have FIVE? someone's always up for a hug, that way
post #4 of 24
I am 37 and single. The last one I dumped as I just wasn't happy. I look at married people around me and envy those who are in good marriages, but a lot of them appear to have settled for whatever they could get. I have to keep reminding myself that I could be married if I wanted to be, but sometimes a kind of depression settles over me, and I think I'll be single forever.
post #5 of 24
I don't have time to be lonely really My choice to be single is just that, a choice. If I wanted to be dating someone I could, but I don't want to...at all...not even a little bit! I do wish I had someone to help pay the bills though
post #6 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by katiemae1277 View Post
I don't have time to be lonely really My choice to be single is just that, a choice. If I wanted to be dating someone I could, but I don't want to...at all...not even a little bit! I do wish I had someone to help pay the bills though
Make Posey get a job!

Being single isn't depressing.....but rather liberating. You can do what you want, when you want!
post #7 of 24
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sohni View Post
but sometimes a kind of depression settles over me, and I think I'll be single forever.
Yeah I think I'm just having one of those days. It seems to happen to me ever year during the holidays

Quote:
Originally Posted by katiemae1277 View Post
:If I wanted to be dating someone I could,
I think this is also part of the problem. I have had this discussion with a freind of mine, but men just don't seem intrested in me. It is very rare that I find a man that would want to go out with me. I just feel like even if I had the time I would be single anyway. I know it's about self esteem, today I just feel like no man even knows I'm alive and I'll always be alone. It's just one of those days.
post #8 of 24
I'm 29 and single all of my friends are married and most have kids I feel a little left out in certain things... and Physically a little lonely, but I don't have the same responcibilities as they do
post #9 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rang_27 View Post
Yeah I think I'm just having one of those days. It seems to happen to me ever year during the holidays



I think this is also part of the problem. I have had this discussion with a freind of mine, but men just don't seem intrested in me. It is very rare that I find a man that would want to go out with me. I just feel like even if I had the time I would be single anyway. I know it's about self esteem, today I just feel like no man even knows I'm alive and I'll always be alone. It's just one of those days.
I'm right there with ya! I do understand that feeling! I'm 43, there is no one, where I live, I am raising my son alone. I would have never thought that I would be alone, muchless raising Jace alone. I was with my husband since I was 18, he died whenever I was 37, he was 39! I guess he was it for me!
I thought I could find someone else..... nope, but I
m not desperate, and I'm not settling, but damn sometimes I just want to crawl out of my skin!!! It can get to me if I let it! I will ask my friends, ""Doesn't it seem strange that I never have a date?" they go "no" heck they have just gotten used to seeing me alone. My son doesn't really remember his dad and I, vaguely! So he has never seen me touch muchless kiss a man! Now he's like... "I don't want you to find anybody, I don't want to share you'. sonething else I can't stand is everyone that I might mention this too, they say something like, "You've got Jace!" Yea! I do , but hey it's not the same!!! And the not having sex,.....
that will send ya right on over the edge, all the married women are like whatever, you don't need it! That really bugs me.... I'll say and have you been without? no don't think so! I really don't mind being single cause now
he would have to be something else, but still that lonely always comes creeping around and down I go!
I am understanding ya big time
Monique
post #10 of 24
No advice for you, but I wanted to send some cyber hugs.

On the upside, you don't have to clean up after a husband. They can be messy sometimes. They also insist on watching a show about the moon or football, while you may want to watch HGTV.
post #11 of 24
You are not alone! Yes, there are days when I wish I had someone at my side. Those are usually the days when I've spent time with friends talking about what their families are going to be doing for the holidays or for the weekend. But then I get a call from other single friends inviting me to fly out for the weekend or come join them for a midnight movie and I realize I would NEVER be able to do any of this with a husband or kids!

When I get one of my spur of the moment part time jobs, I am glad the only thing I have to consider is going home first to feed my 2 boys. I don't have to ask anyone's "permission" to stay out till 4AM when working. I can stay till the job is done.

Sometimes I get a wishing I had kids...so I borrow one of my nephews or nieces. That is usually enough to remind me why I didn't have kids! I love them to death...but mostly I like to give them back to MOM!
post #12 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rang_27 View Post
I think this is also part of the problem. I have had this discussion with a freind of mine, but men just don't seem intrested in me. It is very rare that I find a man that would want to go out with me. I just feel like even if I had the time I would be single anyway. I know it's about self esteem, today I just feel like no man even knows I'm alive and I'll always be alone. It's just one of those days.
not that the ones that want to date me are even worth it to be honest

Whenever I do get a little lonely I just remember how awful it was being with my ex and I'm not lonely anymore
post #13 of 24
Thread Starter 
I am feeling a little better right now. On the way home from work I was trying to think logically about the fact that I don't want a man just to have a man. If I'm going to have someone else in my life, I want it to be the right person. I'm still feeling lonely. I'm just keeping in mind that the feeling will pass.
post #14 of 24
I go through phases..I have been fine for a long while though I am getting used to it and back to enjoying being single
post #15 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rang_27 View Post
...men just don't seem intrested in me. It is very rare that I find a man that would want to go out with me. I just feel like even if I had the time I would be single anyway. I know it's about self esteem, today I just feel like no man even knows I'm alive and I'll always be alone...
My feelings exactly. Even when I was slim and cute, I didn't draw much interest from men... and as a result, I had no idea how to handle attention when it did come along, so I usually missed the signals. In fact, a couple of years ago, I suddenly realized that something I'd taken as a joke had actually been a very nice guy asking me out -- sixteen years earlier!

And if it takes me sixteen years to get the message, that might explain why I don't have a date for Saturday night.

Anyway, my former Significant Other (who is still my best friend) tells me that most men feel threatened by women like me, who are intelligent and deep-feeling and have the ability to get a laugh. So apparently the very qualities that make me worth having are actually scaring people off!

Do you suppose that's what's happening with you, too? How do we get these guys to recognize what they're missing?
post #16 of 24
I know how you feel. I have been so unlucky in love this year it's not even funny. I went to a Christmas party on Friday night and I was one of the only people who wasn't married/expecting a child/coupled up with someone. I mean I love spending time with my good friends, but it does kind of suck when you have to go to the party alone and leave alone. Right now, Kitty is the only lady in my life, and I suspect that she only sticks around because I feed her.

Oh well...Prove me wrong 2008!
post #17 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rang_27 View Post
I think this is also part of the problem. I have had this discussion with a freind of mine, but men just don't seem intrested in me. It is very rare that I find a man that would want to go out with me. I just feel like even if I had the time I would be single anyway. I know it's about self esteem, today I just feel like no man even knows I'm alive and I'll always be alone. It's just one of those days.
This is my situation!!! I never thought there would be someone out there like myself. You know what the funny part is? Here in Texas, no one even gives me a second look, but when I visit family in Germany and am with their friends, I have no problems. Part of the problem is I am more open and myself, here I am more guarded.

You are NOT alone! I am 27 and never had a bf. I've been on one date, and it was a formal one. There was a guy I liked in high school, he tried to do things that pleased me, but he didn't feel the same as I did. His best friend ended up liking me, but never told me.

Since that time I was very active in school and tennis up into college. Then I applied for a program and started a career. I used to be happy single, but I have no siblings, and will have to look after my parents, I get lonely most of the time now.

Almost everyone I know is either married, in a relationship, divorced and/or has kids. I feel left out most of the time because I think people think I won't be able to relate, etc.

I don't know if I will ever find someone. I don't go out except to go shopping. I know what I want, but I don't know if someone will ever want me.

If I do find someone it is usually a pervert. I've been hit on by many OLD guys and have had to tell them off.

Then if I do talk to someone, I just get scared. I'm always busy doing something. Sometimes I think I'll be alone forever and that is scary to someone who has no family around here to help out should something happen to my parents. So don't feel bad. You are not alone.
post #18 of 24
lol as the wife would tell you,
I like being alone, my guess i never should have gotten married.
Accept for i do love her.
post #19 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rang_27 View Post
I think this is also part of the problem. I have had this discussion with a freind of mine, but men just don't seem intrested in me. It is very rare that I find a man that would want to go out with me. I just feel like even if I had the time I would be single anyway. I know it's about self esteem, today I just feel like no man even knows I'm alive and I'll always be alone. It's just one of those days.
Yeah. No one has ever loved me. I feel disgusting.

Tricia
post #20 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolPetunia View Post
Do you suppose that's what's happening with you, too? How do we get these guys to recognize what they're missing?
sometimes it takes the ability to let someone love you.
I have seen alot of women pass over some guy, just because he was a friend, someone they could talk to,
Gee, what do you think that guy was being your friend for 90% of the time.

lol however i am one to talk, normaly it took a women to smack me over the head for me to notice.
post #21 of 24
I gey lonely sometimes. But I have Ari, a couple close friends and if Im really feeling down I call my mom and cry to her. Most days Im fine though.
post #22 of 24
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolPetunia View Post
My feelings exactly. Even when I was slim and cute, I didn't draw much interest from men... and as a result, I had no idea how to handle attention when it did come along, so I usually missed the signals. In fact, a couple of years ago, I suddenly realized that something I'd taken as a joke had actually been a very nice guy asking me out -- sixteen years earlier!

And if it takes me sixteen years to get the message, that might explain why I don't have a date for Saturday night.

Anyway, my former Significant Other (who is still my best friend) tells me that most men feel threatened by women like me, who are intelligent and deep-feeling and have the ability to get a laugh. So apparently the very qualities that make me worth having are actually scaring people off!

Do you suppose that's what's happening with you, too? How do we get these guys to recognize what they're missing?
Quote:
Originally Posted by megagene View Post
I know how you feel. I have been so unlucky in love this year it's not even funny. I went to a Christmas party on Friday night and I was one of the only people who wasn't married/expecting a child/coupled up with someone. I mean I love spending time with my good friends, but it does kind of suck when you have to go to the party alone and leave alone. Right now, Kitty is the only lady in my life, and I suspect that she only sticks around because I feed her.

Oh well...Prove me wrong 2008!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Duchess15 View Post
This is my situation!!! I never thought there would be someone out there like myself. You know what the funny part is? Here in Texas, no one even gives me a second look, but when I visit family in Germany and am with their friends, I have no problems. Part of the problem is I am more open and myself, here I am more guarded.

You are NOT alone! I am 27 and never had a bf. I've been on one date, and it was a formal one. There was a guy I liked in high school, he tried to do things that pleased me, but he didn't feel the same as I did. His best friend ended up liking me, but never told me.

Since that time I was very active in school and tennis up into college. Then I applied for a program and started a career. I used to be happy single, but I have no siblings, and will have to look after my parents, I get lonely most of the time now.

Almost everyone I know is either married, in a relationship, divorced and/or has kids. I feel left out most of the time because I think people think I won't be able to relate, etc.

I don't know if I will ever find someone. I don't go out except to go shopping. I know what I want, but I don't know if someone will ever want me.

If I do find someone it is usually a pervert. I've been hit on by many OLD guys and have had to tell them off.

Then if I do talk to someone, I just get scared. I'm always busy doing something. Sometimes I think I'll be alone forever and that is scary to someone who has no family around here to help out should something happen to my parents. So don't feel bad. You are not alone.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Green Bunny View Post
Yeah. No one has ever loved me. I feel disgusting.

Tricia
Some of these things are exactly how I feel. I hate that anyone else feels this way, but thank you all for sharing!!!! It makes it a little easier to know I'm not alone. I do have to say I'm not good at picking up on the signals. I've told friends who are better at those things about things men have said to me & they say "Duh he said that because he likes you." My guess is I miss out on some really nice guys because when they try to send me a message that they are intrested I miss the message.
post #23 of 24
I've found that I don't make good relationship choices, so I prefer to stay out of the whole dating scene. Yes, sometimes I do miss having a SO to do things with. And yes, I do miss the physical contact...a lot! The only relationships I've been in have been with unfaithful men (my ex husband) or a physically abusive one (Psycho Dan), so I've decided to just forget about relationships. I've always been sort of a loner anyhow, and found it difficult to meet people (of either sex) so I guess being alone is sort of my natural state. I have a couple of really close girlfriends that I do things like shopping, movies, and dinner with, and I do a lot of stuff with my parents. My cats are where I get my love and affection. There's just something about their unconditional love that seems to make it all right.

Sending hugs to you. There is something about the holiday season that brings out the loneliness in even hard-core, anti-relationship people like me, too!
post #24 of 24
Sometimes having someone in your life can be just as lonely. I love my SO dearly, but sometimes I feel more like the maid than a partner. It annoys him to have me in the house about half the time. I know it is because he is bi-polar, but it can be really hard sometimes.
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