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Story of a lost cat

post #1 of 3
Thread Starter 
So, my new kitten luka is laying next to me sound asleep. It's 10 minutes to six and i'm laying awake reflecting on my past cats.

I'm having problems getting attached to this new guy. He's adorable, affectionate, playful, and has tons of character and yet... i'm just not feeling it yet. I like him a lot, but i think deep down i'm afraid of getting attached to him and here's why.

Back when i was in 6th grade i began going through a serious medical procedure and to help me out (or distract me) i was given a kitten. Her name was Belle and she was great, from what i remember ... i don't remember much since i was on serious pain medications that dulled my memory. but there was a tragedy. My father, who was grossly overweight at the time, wasn't paying attention and stepped on her. She didn't survive. Her death is probably the most vivid memory I have from that period of my life.

A month later my parents contacted a breeder. We were gonna get a Maine Coon like our other cat, Boo. I instantly went for this cute vivacious little kitten there and she came home with me, I named her Hebe after the goddess of youth. We got her a color and name tag and everything. She was basically my everything. It's hard for me to talk about her cause I honestly think she was the only thing I've been so attached too. When she was 1 and half we took her to the breeders to mate, and she had 3 beautiful kittens, one we gave to my grandparents and the other two we kept. Even though we had the newcomers I still was very attached to my hebe. I think of her now and I remember how beautiful and graceful she was. She was intelligent and I always felt that she listened to me when i spoke to her. I was in a lot of pain back then and she really was the best pain killer around. Well, about 2 years past and I got better and we went on vacation for a week. When we came home I noticed that hebe was acting weird. I told my parents, they took her to the vet and well, i never saw her again. I was just devastated. I remember when they gave me her collar, with the little bell on it. I can still see it my mind, i see it sitting in that box and it kills me.

Her son Harvey was good at consoling me. And he would watch over me from time to time. He was always my mom's cat. He followed her everywhere. But sadly, he died just over a year ago with just as much mystery. he had a presence in the house that no one could ignore. Harvey always seemed to introduce himself to people. He was intelligent too, i've never known a cat that could say so much to you with just a look. He was amazing and everyone loved him. I miss him a lot as well but my love for hebe overshadows it all. Thank goodness we still have Itty, she's beautiful and a bit of scaredy cat but very sweet and loving (And really likes to sleep under the covers). I never see her other daughter but i know she's doing well. They both carry a little bit of Hebe with them and that helps me get through it sometimes.

Hebe died almost 6 years ago, but it still hurts a lot. Maybe cause I was just a teenager and she was really the only friend i had since i couldn't go to school with my medical problems. I've grown a lot since then, got a degree and i'm moving and starting a new life. i really want to try and have another companion. I always thought i'd get another Maine Coon, just cause i think their amazingly brilliant but I was given this little guy and i'm gonna do my best to raise him right. i know he can't replace her and I should never expect him to... but i'm having such a hard time opening up for him and to make myself so vulnerable again. I just want him to be happy and healthy and I think he is. I'll just wait and i'm sure once we really get settled into our lives together, I'm sure he'll be my buddy someday soon.
post #2 of 3
Thats a very sad story! I think your love for Luka will grow with time. Its hard to get attached again, but important! Im sorry for the loss of your kitties!!
post #3 of 3
Welcome to TCS, GR & Luka!! Your post shows that you have been able to bond very well with Belle and Hebe so your losses are especially painful. It takes great courage to love again. When I lost my Miss Tobie, I was devastated even though I was over 45 years at the time; I had 2 other cats and chose not to replace her. Shortly after, I lost custody of my grandson to an abusive father, and they moved 300 miles away And I thought I could not love again, either. But then my disabled daughter (she's had her share of tragedies, too) had finally saved up $300 to buy a sound system for her room (her social life is her cat Christy, her favorite TV shows, and listening to music); on the way to KMart, we stopped at the pet store and Joey and JC were there for sale, advertised as 10 wks. old, but the vet said they were bet. 4-5 Anyway, JC made eye contact and desperately tried to get us, then Joey joined him, both screaming loudly. Joey's price tag was $295, and JC's much higher. The owner came over and when she realized that my daughter had her problems, and after much hemming and hawing, decided to let them go for the $300! I accepted them to make my daughter feel good - I'd always been so outspoken about not buying pets from the pet store. Now, Joey is my "sphinx" cat who sleeps at my feet and guards my dreams; JC is the typical Maine Coon - the family cat, intelligent, adventurous, outgoing; they stole my heart & I love again....now I have many cats, and with every cat, my capacity to love just grows. Please let us know how you're doing! Hugs, Susan
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