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Vibes request for my dad

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 
He just emailed me... he's going in for back surgery WEdnesday morning. He's had the same operation done 8 years ago, but in a different area... I'm not quite sure what the procedure is... this probably wouldn't be a huge issue, except he just turned 81. And he's said it himself, 'at my age, you go in to hospitals but you may not come out.'

So, of course I'm worried. I can't take the time to go down there... and I highly doubt my brother or sister will give a flying flip about it... no one in my family is all that caring...

So I'm asking for vibes... I love my father... and can't lose him just yet. God help us if my mother goes off and gets lost while he's in the hospital. (FYI: she may have Alzheimer's, but we can't get her into the doctor's office to get diagnosed. At best she's just really senile.)

So any prayers and/or vibes you can send up would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,
Amanda
post #2 of 16
Sending some vibes his way.
post #3 of 16
Sending more vibes his way and to your family too
post #4 of 16
My thoughts and prayers are with him, your mom and you!
post #5 of 16
Sending lots of vibes!
post #6 of 16
Sending lots of to you, and your parents.
post #7 of 16
for both your Father and Mother... And you Of course.
Huge Big Vibes!!!
post #8 of 16
Sending good thoughts and prayers to you, your Dad and your family for a successful surgery and recovery - and a very Happy Holiday!
post #9 of 16
Hon, please forgive me for being pushy, but... when an old person says something like "You go into the hospital, but you may not come out," that's his way of saying, "Please come be with me, I'm scared."

Maybe you should make time to go visit, especially if your mom isn't mentally capable of helping him through this hospitalization. It's so important for family to be there -- not only for the patient's morale, but also because patients who have attentive families just plain get better care. It shouldn't be that way, but it is.

Is there any way you can get there?
post #10 of 16
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolPetunia View Post
Hon, please forgive me for being pushy, but... when an old person says something like "You go into the hospital, but you may not come out," that's his way of saying, "Please come be with me, I'm scared."

Maybe you should make time to go visit, especially if your mom isn't mentally capable of helping him through this hospitalization. It's so important for family to be there -- not only for the patient's morale, but also because patients who have attentive families just plain get better care. It shouldn't be that way, but it is.

Is there any way you can get there?
I wish t here was, but I'm 600 miles away, limited income, no sick/PTO leave. Now, my dad didn't make that comment with this trip. He said it when we discussed the eventuality of him getting his knees 'done' (i.e. replaced). My dad is not one to get scared... never has been. Supposedly my sister is going to stop by at least once. I'm to call, on the premise of checking up on Dad, at least a couple times a day. My next step is to call my dad's new doctor (dropped the old doc for some reason) and inform him of my mother and her condition as well as her refusal to seek medical help. She's in complete denial that she has memory problems and gets confused easily. I've discussed with my dad about moving back down there and living cloe by to help them, but he refused. He's a stubborn old man (where do you think I got it from?). I'm going to also call my aunt. Maybe she and her sis-in-law can drive down and check in on my mom and visit dad. I have to find her phone number. Dad will probably kill me for bringing her in on this, but dang it, someone needs to be there.

Something most people don't understand about my family: my parents detached themselves from everyone else (namely in my dad's side) from early on. there hasn't been a gathering of my dad's side since I was a very small child, and I'm now 35. all news we get is through my one aunt (whom I absolutely adore). My parents raised us kids to be completely independent. We don't emotionally rely on each other, or pretty much anyone. My sister (she'd kill me if she saw me write this) is very detached. she considers her life, namely the social aspects, more important. My brother is similar. My dad can got weeks, even a few months without seeing my brother. They've never been to his house out in the valley. I have a feeling that once my parents are gone, the three of us will pretty much lose touch.

Dad said today that this surgery is not very invasive, and practially an outpatient thing... he described it to me: about an hour on the table, they go in and relieve the pressure on his spinal nerve, from the disks. he had it done 8 years ago...

although you must understand something about my dad... he's tough. when he had bypass surgery 20 years ago they didn't expect him to last the night, but he was up the next day eating solid food... he fights back. he's more worried about my mom. she gets confused easily and if she's driving a route she doesn't drive every day, she may get lost (like when she takes him to the hospital in the morning, getting home may be an issue). He's leaving little notes about where he is, and to feed the cat, etc... and I'm to call. My sister is at least to call as well. But it would be better if she visited. I should go find her number... she doesn't check her email often enough.

Amanda
post #11 of 16
Oh honey, many vibes and prayers being sent out to you and your dad and mom. I'm sure your dad can make it through the surgery with no problem..it sounds like a simple enough procedure, which is good. And, like you said, your dad is a fighter so I doubt the surgery will set him back any.

Honestly, I find it sad that your family isn't more supportive of each other. I'm not meaning this as in criticism on you, I know you can't go and be with him (I know what it's like to be hundreds of miles away and not be able to afford to go there, and it is heart breaking).

I can't really offer you any advice, but just know that my thoughts and prayers and with your whole family. Please keep us posted.
post #12 of 16
Hope your dad is ok
post #13 of 16
I hope your dad gets better. I know what you mean about the lack of family support. to you too.
post #14 of 16
Sending you lots and lots of vibes and hugs, for you and your family
post #15 of 16
Thread Starter 
Well, he is out of surgery, did well. The recovery will take a day or two, but he should be home Friday or so. He figured that anyway...

He did get through to my sister, she was at the house when I called to do my second check on Mom just now. She asked what I wanted for Christmas... I said to use my Amazon wishlist or an IKEA gift card... I'm saving up for something big (well, big-ish, a $300 sleeper loveseat). And i got her phone number.

So things are going okay for today... hopefully Mom will remember to feed CoCo (their cat) in the morning. Although I doubt CoCo will let her forget for long.

Amanda
post #16 of 16
I'm so glad the surgery went well!
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