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See why you are a genius

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 
(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: 'I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,'
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

'Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to b e skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.'
--Mariah Carey

'Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,'
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign .

'I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,'
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

'Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,'
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

'That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,'
--A congressional candidate in Texas .

'Half this game is ninety percent mental.'
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

'It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.'
--Al Gore, Vice President

'I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix.'
-- Dan Quayle

'We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need ?'
--Lee Iacocca

'The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.'
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

'We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.'
-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor.

'Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.'
--Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina

'If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record.'
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

I hope after reading this, you all feel so much smarter than before
post #2 of 11

Even after locking my keys in my car today I feel much smarter!!
post #3 of 11
Wow! Can't believe people actually said that Those are all hilarious!
post #4 of 11
I DO feel much smarter
post #5 of 11
Oh Mariah.
post #6 of 11
that was tooo funnyy.. Gosh I feel so smart these days..
post #7 of 11
I am pretty sure I have a Ph.D now.

P.S. Certain that the quote, "90% of the game is half mental," is by Yogi Berra, not Danny Ozark. It was part of Yogi's speech that he made at his commencement when he received his doctorate from Montclair State University in 1996. It is definitely a Yogi-ism.
post #8 of 11
Oh Great Days...2 of those people were on my favorite sports teams
post #9 of 11
How about the A's? Should probably wait for this discussion until opening day (you know just what one) and we already have our season tickets! Oops! Merry Christmas and Happy Super Bowl!
post #10 of 11
I was laughing so hard that I was crying while I was trying to read those to John! Those are great!
post #11 of 11
Thank you I am feeling a bit smarter
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