His Friends Hate Me

So my SO and I moved here to Az from Cali about 7 months ago. Our former roommate bailed out on us without finding a replacement for his spot and left us in a $1,350 a month rent. We couldn't do it let alone find a new place before rent was due again. So I suggested we go to Az since it's where I came from originally. It was a big step for him considering he had lived in Cali his whole life but he agreed and here we are. Needless to say his friends and family were less than thrilled. We had some probs getting settled here(a long story) but we found a place and I finally got a job with the school district here and he just started a new job at a Toyota dealership after getting laid off the week of Thanksgiving. So he decided to e-mail his friends and tell them what 's going on. Every single one of them said he should "ditch the chick." and get his butt back to Cali where he belongs and so he can get his life back on track. I don't understand we have been together for 2 years now and they still don't seem to respect the fact that we're "together" no matter what. One of them won't even so much as give me a head nod whenever I see him.

I can understand where their coming from, they blame you for taking their friend away. I would be upset if a good friend of mine moved away too. They don't understand that it was the circumstances that made you need to move, not you. Perhaps your SO could have a talk with them?

They view me as not being good enough for his friend. One actually told him he pictured my SO with a girl with better looks and body cause he only wants to see his friends with the best. It doesn't help the fact that I had a less than perfect past before him and I'm now paying the price for it and his friends dis-approve of it. Which is totally understandable but the fact is that it was my past, I've grown out of certain things, and I've made peace with people and myself and I'm on the path to bettering my life.

Honey, don't pay any attention to what they say.

The important thing is what your SO says. He has been with you for 2 years and even moved to another State so that you could stay together.

If he wanted to be somewhere else he would be. But he's with you and that says a whole lot.

Perhaps talk to him about how you feel about the way his friends talk about you to him. He needs to "grow some" and tell his friends that he won't tolerate them dissing you the way they do.

He's a grown man and I'm pretty sure you didnt grab him by the ear and drag him to AZ. If he didnt want to stay with you then he wouldnt have. I think maybe its just between not having their friend with them any more, and seeing that he is going off on his own and making a new life that has them down and maybe seeing what their lives have resulted in. Maybe some of them are jealous cos they wanted to be out of Cali and just havent been able to yet. I'm sure that they will get over it eventually! And I agree he should be the one talking about it to them! Dont worry too much about it and just get out there meet some new friends and have fun!

It just perturbs me the way they talk after 2 years. My friends all welcomed him into my life and theirs with open arms and no judgment. But I'm gunna have to agree with the whole jealousy factor of things. All of his friends have lived away from home and we are all around the same age. With the exception of 1 none of his friends have been in a serious, meaningful, adult relationship. More than anything I think I'm just irked at the whole situation. He is here with me and that 's the bottom line. His friends have known him their whole life and should know better that no one can make my SO do anything he doesn't want to truly do.

I know its hard, but try your best to not let what their little minds think bother you. Make a new life together as a couple. Those friends of his will slowly fall away if negativity is all they ever give out.

It shouldn't matter if a friend moves away - true friends wish them happiness, not petty jealousy and mistreatment of their partner. How ridiculous! Young children react this way, not adults.

Originally Posted by Natalie_ca

Honey, don't pay any attention to what they say.

The important thing is what your SO says. He has been with you for 2 years and even moved to another State so that you could stay together.

If he wanted to be somewhere else he would be. But he's with you and that says a whole lot.

Perhaps talk to him about how you feel about the way his friends talk about you to him. He needs to "grow some" and tell his friends that he won't tolerate them dissing you the way they do.

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i agree, my bf had a problem about not standing up for me when his brothers would talk junk about me, and thats exactly what i told him, "grow a pair and be a man" my feeling is this, if he really cares he wont let them get in the way of what you two have.

I have the same problem as you but with my dang MIL (mother in law.) So I totally feel your situation. The best advice I can give you is, note that he is with YOU. He did not choose to stay in Cali. Ignore the jerks.