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Rodney Dangerfield's Greatest Hits

post #1 of 5
Thread Starter 
1. I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy ... I'd have had
> nothing to play with.
> 2. A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's
> home." IÂ:censor: went over. Nobody was home.
> 3. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me.Â:censor: Just the
> other night she called me from a hotel.
> 4. One day I came home early from work ... I saw a guy jogging naked.
> said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said
"Because you
> came home early."
> 5. It's been a rough day. I got up this morning ... put a shirt on
> a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off.
> I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
> 6. I was such an ugly kid...When I played in the sandbox, the cat
> covering me up.
> 7. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and
> radio.
> 8. I was such an ugly baby...My mother never breast fed me. She told
> that she only liked me as a friend.
> 9. I'm so ugly...My father carries around a picture of the kid who
> with his wallet.
> 10. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said
to my
> father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled
> 11. I'm so ugly...My mother had morning sickness...AFTER I was born.
> 12. I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of
> finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
> 13. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me
> find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?"Â:censor:Â:censor:
> said,"I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."
> 14. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
> 15. I'm so ugly...I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how
> I'd get.
> 16. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and
> look in the mirror...I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with me?"Â:censor:
> said..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
> 17. I went to the doctor! because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping
> MyÂ:censor: doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
> 18. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my
> in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.
> 19. Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves
> pyramid.Â:censor: His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the
> paper four times -three of those times I was reading it.
> 20. One year they wanted to make me poster boy...... for birth control.
> 21. My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was
> the electric chair.
post #2 of 5
post #3 of 5
Those are great! I needed a laugh. Thanks Ady!!!!
post #4 of 5
Adrienne and Brenda always have the funniest jokes!
post #5 of 5
I love those!

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