Need some advice...

I have a sister that is about 2 years younger than me with 2 children that I adore, but here's the problem-- my sister is psycho! I work night and the other day, she decided to call me at noon. She does this crap all of the time. I did not answer the phone at that time and called her back from my cell phone. I was a little (ok, maybe really irritated) annoyed and told her that she needed to tell me what she wanted because I couldn't understand her message. She then got nasty with me and told me to call her when I was in a better mood. That's fine. After I got off of the cell phone with her, she called and left a message on my home phone. In this message, she told me that she was sorry I hated her family and I was such a bigshot now that I was a nurse. What!? Yes, I was annoyed that she called me, but it had nothing to do with being a nurse, it was because she called me at what is my midnight (since I go to bed at 8 or 9 in the morning I consider noon my midnight). Where did she get I hate her family? They are my family too!!! She does this frequently and I am not sure how to handle it. I am thinking that I am just going to distance myself even more from her, but I hate to do that to my niece and nephew. To complicate things even worse, my niece has a birthday party next Saturday. I don't think that I am going to go now because of all of this, but it's just not fair to them. Sorry this is so long, but I just don't know what to do with my "baby" sister! While she was pregnant with my niece we didn't speak for several months because of J doing this crap! I am just sick of dealing with this! What do you guys think?

sit her down, maybe go out for a cup of coffee or something, and tell her that your job is stressful and since you work nights you go to bed early in the morning. Also include that you didnt mean to be snappy, just had a long night and you were tired.

I really dont think that a lot of people know how stressful it is for nurses. And how hard it is to completely switch your living schedule and get a decent bit of sleep. Most people think, oh its noon they must be awake, instead of its noon, she's probably just now getting to sleep.

I dont think its a good idea to push her away, because her kids might feel like you are punishing them. And plus she's your sister, you cant stay mad at her forever.

Originally Posted by capt_jordi

I really dont think that a lot of people know how stressful it is for nurses. And how hard it is to completely switch your living schedule and get a decent bit of sleep. Most people think, oh its noon they must be awake, instead of its noon, she's probably just now getting to sleep.

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See, this is the problem, she is in the healthcare field as well and not only that, she works at the same hospital. She knows a little bit about how stressful it is. She calls me at work when she knows that I will be busy, she calls me when she knows I will be sleeping. She is just being nasty, I think, just to see how I will react.

Sounds like she is jealous of you and/or that she is overwhelmed with having two children at the moment (no matter how old they are).

Is she married? Perhaps she secretly wishes that she could be a nurse...if she's interested, introduce her to the program that you went through.

Oh ooppsss..I just saw your second post.

Then I don't know...slip some st. johns worts in her drinks???

Something else that you might do is turn the ringer on your phone off during the day. Also record the message on your voicemail/answering machine to say something to the effect of: I am a day sleeper, so if you are calling between *hour and *hour, I am sleeping and will get back to you as soon as I am available.

Originally Posted by lunasmom

Sounds like she is jealous of you and/or that she is overwhelmed with having two children at the moment (no matter how old they are).

Is she married? Perhaps she secretly wishes that she could be a nurse...if she's interested, introduce her to the program that you went through.

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Yup, she is married and, yup, she is jealous. She has told me how jealous she is. I have been helping her to get info on the program that I went through and encouraging her to apply, but she hasn't done it yet. I am just tired of the crap that she is putting me through.

Originally Posted by WELDRWOMN

Something else that you might do is turn the ringer on your phone off during the day. Also record the message on your voicemail/answering machine to say something to the effect of: I am a day sleeper, so if you are calling between *hour and *hour, I am sleeping and will get back to you as soon as I am available.

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I don't have problems with anyone else calling during the day. The ringer on my home phone is turned off-- I leave my cell on vibrate so that people can still reach me if it is an emergency. It still wakes me up when it is on vibrate but it's not quite as jarring.

The only thing I wonder is if there is some outside influence that is talking about you to her (parents, her husband, her kids?) a little too much. If they are they're feeding to her jealousy (or possibly creating it), then that's not a good thing.

Originally Posted by lunasmom

The only thing I wonder is if there is some outside influence that is talking about you to her (parents, her husband, her kids?) a little too much. If they are they're feeding to her jealousy (or possibly creating it), then that's not a good thing.

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I guess there could be someone else talking to her, but she is driving me nuts! I am moving away next year and I just can't help but think that it will be better to be gone!

if I were you I would explain things to her as calmly as possible. Apologize if you were snippy on the phone. It is always better to try and mend the bridge. If you have to turn the phone off and let your family and friends know ahead of time. If you feel that you need to distance yourself from her that is ok, but do still try to see your niece and nephew. They aren't the crazy ones and if she is as crazy as you say then she might tell them that you don't want to see them. also in all of your dealings with her try to make nice--even when she doesn't. She is your sister. Just try to be an adult even when she is acting like a child. Talk to her and continue to keep the lines of communication open. But you can certainly tell her that it is not acceptable for her to call you when you are at work or sleeping. (except for emergencies) You can be firm and still be nice. I will give you the advice I gave in a different thread just last night: You cannot control the actions of others, only your own. Just be certain that you try to be as polite but firm as you can be. and when you just want to tell her off, imagine how you would feel if that was the last words you were able to say to her. (God forbid) it is always hard to deal with family, but they are still your family. I hope that everything works out for the two of you!

Originally Posted by pipersjo

I guess there could be someone else talking to her, but she is driving me nuts! I am moving away next year and I just can't help but think that it will be better to be gone!

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Hmmm...seems a bit early for her doing that, but I know when my sister is leaving, she throws fits and stuff. She'll be the sweetest person to you throughout her stay, but then the last two days she just a witch and you can't wait for her to go

Maybe she's prepping herself for being without you...then again though there's always a phone call..

Just thought I would ressurect this thread and let you all know what was going on (not that I expect anyone was really following this, lol). My sis emailed me today and was nasty yet again so I sent her an email back that was nasty as well (childish, yes, but I am still mad about the message that she left me) and basically told her I was through with her. Yes, it punishes her children too, but I am sure that she has already said nasty things about me to them-- that's how she is.