Mark, again

I got an e-mail, from Sam. Mark has moved in, with a druggie friend and is doing meth. He has been going to doctor's appointments, with her but, doesn't seem to want to straighten up and come home.

I don't want to be a meddling MIL but I think that she should cut him loose. It won't do her or the babies any good to have a drugged-out father around. I've never been involved, with a druggie but I did have an alcoholic husband, that I had to leave. Sometimes, you have to cut your losses and do what's best for yourself. Sam has the babies to think about, too.

As for Bill and me, we're barring Mark from our home, as long as he's doing drugs. Neither of us wants that kind of stuff here and Lord knows what kind of trashy people he's liable to bring around. Bill tossed his own son, years ago, for growing peyote in the yard.

I love Mark and worry about him and don't want him to wind up in prison or dead. This seems to be where he's headed, though. Since he's out of a job, he's liable to go back to supporting his habit, like before, by burglary.

Short of dragging him, by the hair, to rehab there doesn't seem to be anything that I can do. He's not a little kid, any more, who I can ground.

He had so much, going for him: good job, nice wife and babies on the way. Why throw all of that away, for a quick high? I don't get it.

I am so sorry about Mark.
But the good thing is, you are there for Sam, you are a wonderful mother in law, and I am sure she appreciates that - goodness knows, we need more MILs like you! I know I could do with one!
Is there some kind of program that you can put Mark in? Or do they have to go themselves? I wish I knew all the right things to say, but I do know that I am sure Sam would appreciate you being there for the babies.

(((HUGS)))

Cindy-

The evil of the drug he is doing is that he is in it and cannot see clarity. For whatever reason that started him on this chemical path, until he deals with the reason why he wanted this in the first place, he will stay in it.

It is a combination of low self-esteem, self-pity and of course the addicting power of the drug he chose. I am not bashing him, I am speaking from my own personal path I chose long ago. I had to get down to the lowest dregs of my life before I snapped out of it.Many of my friends simply wrote me off as lost and even thought I would die.

I understand your frustration and hurt, I really do, but I sadly, also know how lost Mark is right now, and someone needs to bring him back.

((hugs)) I am very sorry for the pain your family is going through. Good luck.

I all can say is I am so sorry for the pain your family is in and I will be keeping you in my prayers that he comes to grips with his demons and straightens out!

Hissy, I thought I was the only one on this board that had been down that path. You telling that made me have the guts to say so. Unfortunately you are right, you have to hit rock bottom before you can look up and see what you are doing to yourself and your family. I truly hope it does not take Mark so long that he loses his precious family.
Cindy, you are not meddling. You are trying to hold your famliy together, and one day Mark will thank you for it. As far as dragging him by the hair, why not? You and his wife can do it if he is not competent, which if he is on meth, I guarantee you, he is not. There is always an excuse. I was so fortunate that we decided together that we loved each other more than drugs. It's tough, but possible. Sometimes you just have to drag them kicking and screaming to get help.
I so sorry your family is going through this when it should be one of the happiest times in your life. Your daughter-in-law is lucky to have you there for her.

Thanks, everyone. Getting Mark into rehab, without his consent, is well nigh impossible. If it could be done, rest assured, that I would be in my car, on the way to Benson, right now.

We may not be able to stop Mark from screwing up his life but he cannot be allowed to mess up Sam's and the babies', any more than he already has.

Kellye, 29 years ago, I acquired the MIL, from Hell. The one thing that I learned from her was how NOT to treat your son's wife. Besides, none of this is Sam's fault. Its MY kid, who's messing up.

Cindy -

I am so sorry for your pain and Sam's as well. I have no words of wisdom for you, but I just wanted you to know I will be praying for you, Bill, Sam, the babies, and Mark.

Cindy....sending you, Bill, and Sam hugs and strength to get thrugh this difficult time. I'll keep you all in my prayers.

Cindy, sending prayers and hugs to you, Sam and the babies, and Bill.

Cindy I am so glad you are there for your DNL and the babies,as for Mark you can only pray that someday soon he will wake up and come to his sences,if not at least you will know have tried your best.I am glad you are for the babies. Saying a pray for all of you. Sherral

Although I don't know you, I know how you are feeling.My brother got hooked on Meth, and there was nothing anyone could do for him. It was like the drug had taken the person I grew up with and loved, and put him in a far off place where nobody could find him. It was like I had been kicked in the stomach and the feeling wouldn't go away. It finally took being thrown in jail,loosing his job, loosing his car, and being sentanced to rehab. It took hitting the very bottom to realize what he was doing. I wish I had some advice for you. Our family tried everything available to us. I really hope he comes around and realizes what he's doing to himself and family very soon. Just hang in there

Cindy,
I really feel for you and Sam right now. Sending you some cyber hugs and lots of good thoughts & prayers your way! (((((((((HUGS)))))))))

Cindy, I am sorry to hear about your son. I don't have any words of wisdom. Your DIL is lucky to have your support, maybe one day your son will wake up and see what his life could be. I pray that happens soon.

Cindy, I am so very sorry to hear this is the path that Mark has chosen!! I can feel how this is breaking your heart because you love him so much!!! I don't have much advice to give, but I am sending up prayers for him and for you, Bill, Sam and the babies as well. You are a wonderful MIL. Everyone should be so blessed as to have a MIL like you!!!!!!! It is so wonderful how you are there for Sam!!! I hope and pray that things will change for the better with Mark and that he realizes that what he is doing is terribly terribly wrong!!!!! Keep us posted!!!

Even though I haven't replied until now, all of you have been in my thoughts. No words of wisdom, I wish I had the miracle answer but I don't. All I can do it send you my warmest thoughts, and echo what everyone else here has already said.

Cindy, you know I think you're a terrific Mother-in-law. You're obviously a very caring person. I hope you and Sam can figure some way to get that boy into rehab!!!!! If not, then maybe burglary is the best thing. We can hope he gets caught and sentenced to rehab.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and the family!

He's been locked up, before for burglary. He did a little over a year, in prison. He's been out, a little over 3 years.

Over the weekend, a 19-year-old girl was found murdered, here. She was the granddaughter of some friends of mine. Kristen had been arrested 7 times, between April of last year and this January, for credit card theft, fraud, forgery and drugs. She was arrested, last week, for crack possession. I've known her, for about 5 years. She used to read Shakespeare, for pleasure.

I DON'T want Mark to wind up, like that! I'm going to send him the newspaper clipping and a letter. Don't know if it will help but, I don't know what to do about him.

That is awful about Kristen. My heart goes out to her family.

I am so sorry to hear about Kristen!!!!