I have 3 older brothers, and have always been close to #2 and #3. A couple of years ago #3 was arrested on several drug charges. This is a guy who's a 30 year veteran of the fire dept., has been elected to county office, pillar of the community, etc. He was arrested with a skanky woman who is 10 years younger than he is that he picked up in a bar. Needless to say, this whole episode shook our family to it's core. Lucky me, I learned about it by picking up the morning paper and see the headline and his mug-shot!
From the very first, he denied doing anything wrong, saying it was all political. Being the good sister that I am, I believed him, until his wife showed me paperwork from his lawyer that included his confession, and a list of all the evidence the police had against him ( I became her closest confidant during this time) . For months #3 would look me in the eye and tell me he hadn't done anything, it was all a set-up, the police didn't have anything on him. He must have lied to me dozens of times. He was eventually convicted and spent 6 weeks in jail (first offense, family man, etc). After a couple of months he apologized to me, saying he was sorry he'd put me thru all that publicity and finger-pointing. I told him I didn't care about any of that, that I was so p*ssed of because he'd lied to me. He looked so confused when I told him that, as if he didn't understand why that would bother me so much.
We used to be so close; my friends can't understand how I couldn't have known something was going on with him. His wife would even tell me that he and I were closer than they were! He shattered every bit of trust I ever had in him.
My problem is that I can't get past this. I can barely speak to him, and family gatherings are still strained. Being lied to is something that I can't forgive, it's my biggest pet peeve. Being lied to repeatedly by someone I trusted is mind boggling. The rest of my family seems to understand how much trouble I'm having with this, but I'm wondering if there is some way I can let it go? Things will never be the same between my brother and me, I've resigned myself to that. Am I being petty? My Grandmother always used to say that if someone wronged her she could forgive them but she would never forget it. That's how I feel, to a point. I won't ever forget this betrayal, and I haven't reached a point where I can forgive it, either. Obviously, it bothers me or I wouldn't be asking for advice. I know people are going to say "get over it", but how do I do that? I would have done anything for my brother; now I can barely stand to be in the same room with him.
From the very first, he denied doing anything wrong, saying it was all political. Being the good sister that I am, I believed him, until his wife showed me paperwork from his lawyer that included his confession, and a list of all the evidence the police had against him ( I became her closest confidant during this time) . For months #3 would look me in the eye and tell me he hadn't done anything, it was all a set-up, the police didn't have anything on him. He must have lied to me dozens of times. He was eventually convicted and spent 6 weeks in jail (first offense, family man, etc). After a couple of months he apologized to me, saying he was sorry he'd put me thru all that publicity and finger-pointing. I told him I didn't care about any of that, that I was so p*ssed of because he'd lied to me. He looked so confused when I told him that, as if he didn't understand why that would bother me so much.
We used to be so close; my friends can't understand how I couldn't have known something was going on with him. His wife would even tell me that he and I were closer than they were! He shattered every bit of trust I ever had in him.
My problem is that I can't get past this. I can barely speak to him, and family gatherings are still strained. Being lied to is something that I can't forgive, it's my biggest pet peeve. Being lied to repeatedly by someone I trusted is mind boggling. The rest of my family seems to understand how much trouble I'm having with this, but I'm wondering if there is some way I can let it go? Things will never be the same between my brother and me, I've resigned myself to that. Am I being petty? My Grandmother always used to say that if someone wronged her she could forgive them but she would never forget it. That's how I feel, to a point. I won't ever forget this betrayal, and I haven't reached a point where I can forgive it, either. Obviously, it bothers me or I wouldn't be asking for advice. I know people are going to say "get over it", but how do I do that? I would have done anything for my brother; now I can barely stand to be in the same room with him.