Get comfy.
Get cozy.
Bring food and drink.
I bring to you yet another long thread for you marathon readers.
------------------------------------------------------------------
The last two days have seemed like it's been time travel for me and have given me reasons to believe that myspace is not only a web site, but it's also a time machine. Four people from my past have contacted me within two days. Way weird to me because it's within just two days. There have been other people from my past that have contacted me through myspace--hmmmm....it's seems like myspace is also a little bit clairvoyant as well. Two people that contacted me were people that I went to two different high schools with. The other two was an ex-boyfriend and his mom.
Don't leave this thread just yet. Here comes the drama.
Ah yes....the boyfriend that never quite left my thoughts..."J" (as we'll call him here). Part of the reason that he never left my thoughts was because he shares the same first name as my great-grandfather, my biological brother, my now ex-step-brother, and my current almost-ex-husband. So there was no way for me to get away from his name. His last named is spelled like those fried potato sticks most of us get at fast food joints. So you see, there was no way for me to get away from him.
You see, I met J when I lived in FL. I met J when I was driving a friend of mine one day after school (I was a senior in high school at the time, and it was towards the end of the school year; this was 1999). I was driving with the windows down, and we were going slowly over a bridge used by alot of fisher-people (this was in a really laid back town), and I hear,"HEY!" yelled, I turned and looked, and there he was...J...he was dark-skinned, dark-haired, brown eyed. He was a sexy Native American/Italian guy. Yum. I drove on after asking my friend if we should turn around and stop to talk to him. She was unsure and was really wanting to go to the beach, but I told her that I thought he was hot. The parking lot for the pier/bridge was close, so I found the first parking spot, made sure I looked good and got me and my friend out of the car. We walked over to the pier which was off of the bridge and looked for him, but we didn't see him. My friend and I turned to leave, and there he was. He looked even better up close and at a more stationary speed. We talked and chatted and all that other mushy teenager stuff. We exchanged phone numbers. He even came along with us to the nearby beach. We hung out together until late in the evening. He had a great sense of humor and got my humor right off the bat--which isn't easy.
J and I hung out every day after school. We had established a friendship before we started dating. I really liked him for his sense of humor. He was a sweetheart. He held my hand.
My most memorable moment was when I had moved back to FL after living in LA (Louisiana) for about 8 months, and he took me to the pier where we had met. It was under the nighttime spring sky. It was a clear night with a light breeze in the air. The stars were out. No one was around. It was just the two of us. He spoke softly to me. He held me. He kissed me softly. It was beautifully perfect. It was all J being J. I still remember the smells, what he wore, the look in his eyes when he looked at me. I remember it all very well even though I haven't thought about it in many years.
But...
There was an incident that happened. Someone who entered our lives that I also never forgot. The person's name is "Nicole". For the last 8, almost9, years that I have heard her name, it gives me a twitch and makes me cringe. Every time I have met someone with that name, I have stopped talking to that person. I HATE that name that much! I vowed to never name my daughter or any animal that name. NEVER! That name has been the equivalent to *****, harlot, ****, skank to me! Every time she came around J and me, it seemed like he would go out of his way to talk to her. There was weekend that I was going to take my car in to be worked on, but I was able to borrow my mom's car to drive down there. I was going to surprise him. (We lived an hour and fifteen minutes from each other). Well, that night he went out and got drunk and called her to pick him up. The two of them stayed in a hotel together with a friend of her's. A friend of our's told me that they had gone out together that night and had gotten drunk together and that they were dating. I never got a phone call from J. Nothing. I had to track him down the next day and find him. He couldn't give me a straight answer on what had happened. I thought the worst of course because of other things that happened before that night. So being the angry teen that I was at the time, I cut up his clothes, his leather Letterman's jacket, threw away his CDs and his cologne, everything he had in my car was destroyed and thrown into the dumpster. I broke up with him, and I never saw him again after that.
While we were dating though, I realized how immature he was. Yeah, he was fun to hang out with and to party with, but I wanted more than that. He wasn't everything that I have ever wanted in a life partner. I couldn't envision living my life with someone who wanted to spend all of his free time drinking beer, farting, burping, and doing stupid stuff. Even as confused about life that I was at that age, I knew I wanted something more out of a relationship than that.
A few months ago, I found his profile on myspace. I was going to send him a message, and then I looked at his pics on there, and what did I see? That he was married. To HER. Yes, to HARLOT! They also have two kids together. I was furious. All those old feelings came rushing back to me. So, I didn't send him a message. I erased him from my mind.
In comes yesterday, a message from J. He asked all the same questions that you ask someone that you haven't seen in a long time. I was hesitant to answer at first. What made me answer his message was that, he said that he wanted to tell me something to clear things up between us. So, I replied. I was curious to know what he had to say. I knew what it was about. You know what they say about curiosity.
He wanted to tell me that he apologized. He said that he never did anything with her that night, and that I wouldn't let him tell me what really happened. He said that was the stupidest thing that he ever did. H never forgot about me. He said that all of his family and friends said that we were great together and that he should have never have let me go. He said that he regrets getting involved with her, but he doesn't regret his kids. He said that he only loves her because she is the mother of his children, but he now knows that he has never loved her. She's cheated on him, and her attitude is horrible. She comes home every day gets drunk and passes out instead of eating dinner with the family. So, he sounds like he's miserable with his life with her and is looking for someone to fall to. I gave him the best advice that I thought I could and tried to be unbiased as possible.
I know that he's still not 100% what I am looking for in a life partner, mainly because I know that I have already found it in the person that I am with now. J told me that if things do not work out with the man that I am seeing now, to give him a call. He said that he hopes that he (the guy that I am with now) treats me and my daughter how we should be treated. I know how J feels about me. He didn't have to say it (we talked on the phone today). I heard it in his voice.
So many old memories and emotions were brought back to me today. I know that I cannot go back in time. I know that I cannot change the past. I know that J will always have a special place in my heart, but I know that he is not meant to be my life partner.
Get cozy.
Bring food and drink.
I bring to you yet another long thread for you marathon readers.
------------------------------------------------------------------
The last two days have seemed like it's been time travel for me and have given me reasons to believe that myspace is not only a web site, but it's also a time machine. Four people from my past have contacted me within two days. Way weird to me because it's within just two days. There have been other people from my past that have contacted me through myspace--hmmmm....it's seems like myspace is also a little bit clairvoyant as well. Two people that contacted me were people that I went to two different high schools with. The other two was an ex-boyfriend and his mom.
Don't leave this thread just yet. Here comes the drama.
Ah yes....the boyfriend that never quite left my thoughts..."J" (as we'll call him here). Part of the reason that he never left my thoughts was because he shares the same first name as my great-grandfather, my biological brother, my now ex-step-brother, and my current almost-ex-husband. So there was no way for me to get away from his name. His last named is spelled like those fried potato sticks most of us get at fast food joints. So you see, there was no way for me to get away from him.
You see, I met J when I lived in FL. I met J when I was driving a friend of mine one day after school (I was a senior in high school at the time, and it was towards the end of the school year; this was 1999). I was driving with the windows down, and we were going slowly over a bridge used by alot of fisher-people (this was in a really laid back town), and I hear,"HEY!" yelled, I turned and looked, and there he was...J...he was dark-skinned, dark-haired, brown eyed. He was a sexy Native American/Italian guy. Yum. I drove on after asking my friend if we should turn around and stop to talk to him. She was unsure and was really wanting to go to the beach, but I told her that I thought he was hot. The parking lot for the pier/bridge was close, so I found the first parking spot, made sure I looked good and got me and my friend out of the car. We walked over to the pier which was off of the bridge and looked for him, but we didn't see him. My friend and I turned to leave, and there he was. He looked even better up close and at a more stationary speed. We talked and chatted and all that other mushy teenager stuff. We exchanged phone numbers. He even came along with us to the nearby beach. We hung out together until late in the evening. He had a great sense of humor and got my humor right off the bat--which isn't easy.
J and I hung out every day after school. We had established a friendship before we started dating. I really liked him for his sense of humor. He was a sweetheart. He held my hand.
My most memorable moment was when I had moved back to FL after living in LA (Louisiana) for about 8 months, and he took me to the pier where we had met. It was under the nighttime spring sky. It was a clear night with a light breeze in the air. The stars were out. No one was around. It was just the two of us. He spoke softly to me. He held me. He kissed me softly. It was beautifully perfect. It was all J being J. I still remember the smells, what he wore, the look in his eyes when he looked at me. I remember it all very well even though I haven't thought about it in many years.
But...
There was an incident that happened. Someone who entered our lives that I also never forgot. The person's name is "Nicole". For the last 8, almost9, years that I have heard her name, it gives me a twitch and makes me cringe. Every time I have met someone with that name, I have stopped talking to that person. I HATE that name that much! I vowed to never name my daughter or any animal that name. NEVER! That name has been the equivalent to *****, harlot, ****, skank to me! Every time she came around J and me, it seemed like he would go out of his way to talk to her. There was weekend that I was going to take my car in to be worked on, but I was able to borrow my mom's car to drive down there. I was going to surprise him. (We lived an hour and fifteen minutes from each other). Well, that night he went out and got drunk and called her to pick him up. The two of them stayed in a hotel together with a friend of her's. A friend of our's told me that they had gone out together that night and had gotten drunk together and that they were dating. I never got a phone call from J. Nothing. I had to track him down the next day and find him. He couldn't give me a straight answer on what had happened. I thought the worst of course because of other things that happened before that night. So being the angry teen that I was at the time, I cut up his clothes, his leather Letterman's jacket, threw away his CDs and his cologne, everything he had in my car was destroyed and thrown into the dumpster. I broke up with him, and I never saw him again after that.
While we were dating though, I realized how immature he was. Yeah, he was fun to hang out with and to party with, but I wanted more than that. He wasn't everything that I have ever wanted in a life partner. I couldn't envision living my life with someone who wanted to spend all of his free time drinking beer, farting, burping, and doing stupid stuff. Even as confused about life that I was at that age, I knew I wanted something more out of a relationship than that.
A few months ago, I found his profile on myspace. I was going to send him a message, and then I looked at his pics on there, and what did I see? That he was married. To HER. Yes, to HARLOT! They also have two kids together. I was furious. All those old feelings came rushing back to me. So, I didn't send him a message. I erased him from my mind.
In comes yesterday, a message from J. He asked all the same questions that you ask someone that you haven't seen in a long time. I was hesitant to answer at first. What made me answer his message was that, he said that he wanted to tell me something to clear things up between us. So, I replied. I was curious to know what he had to say. I knew what it was about. You know what they say about curiosity.
He wanted to tell me that he apologized. He said that he never did anything with her that night, and that I wouldn't let him tell me what really happened. He said that was the stupidest thing that he ever did. H never forgot about me. He said that all of his family and friends said that we were great together and that he should have never have let me go. He said that he regrets getting involved with her, but he doesn't regret his kids. He said that he only loves her because she is the mother of his children, but he now knows that he has never loved her. She's cheated on him, and her attitude is horrible. She comes home every day gets drunk and passes out instead of eating dinner with the family. So, he sounds like he's miserable with his life with her and is looking for someone to fall to. I gave him the best advice that I thought I could and tried to be unbiased as possible.
I know that he's still not 100% what I am looking for in a life partner, mainly because I know that I have already found it in the person that I am with now. J told me that if things do not work out with the man that I am seeing now, to give him a call. He said that he hopes that he (the guy that I am with now) treats me and my daughter how we should be treated. I know how J feels about me. He didn't have to say it (we talked on the phone today). I heard it in his voice.
So many old memories and emotions were brought back to me today. I know that I cannot go back in time. I know that I cannot change the past. I know that J will always have a special place in my heart, but I know that he is not meant to be my life partner.
