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I'd like your opinion on what you'd do.......

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 
I met my partner through mutual friends, one of which I knew to be a girl that didn't get on with her male friends' girlfriends. I got on with her fine though. BEFORE I got together with my man.

About 6 months into our relationship she changed towards me and she would flirt outrageously with my boyfriend. Mutual friends would pass it off with 'that's just the way she is' (as if that makes it okay). I ignored it as I knew she was probably doing it to rile me. My relationship with her steadily deteriorated without either of us acknowledging this fact.

The final straw was when she alluded to a pact she made with my boyfriend years ago that if neither of them were married by the time they were 30..........well they both turned 30 this year. The day of MY birthday which was 2 days after hers, one of her friends sent my SO a picture of her wearing an engagement ring saying 'she's ready for you'. I completely lost it; I didn't blame my boyfriend as he does not encourage her behaviour at all but I was really upset. People then acted as if I was the one with the problem and sure don't you know she's only joking?!!!!!!!

I have to see this girl socially on a regular basis as we hang out with the same group of people. I'm keeping up a being nice as pie facade to her but it's killing me. I feel like having it out with her but she'd act like such a victim to everyone else and accuse me of being insecure.

Should I leave things or tell the cow where to go? I am NOT a jealous person and I completely trust my boyfriend; I just hate the way she behaves towards both men and women!! SHe makes me angry
post #2 of 16
knowing me I'd tell her where to go, but that is probably not the best move That is a very tough situation though, she's obviously jealous that you're in a happy and trusting relationship, some women just can't handle someone else being happy
post #3 of 16
And she knows she makes you angry apparently and is going out of her way to do it. The friend of hers that sent the photo of her wearing the ring isn't much better.

If you are going to have to be around these people, you need to grow a thicker skin. If it were me, I would sit down with my SO and let him know how upsetting it is and come up with a way to deal with her and her friends when you are out with them. Perhaps you could come up with a secret signal between the two of you when you or he recognizes one of her tricks and share that signal between the two of you so you would know he is being supportive and vice-versa. Eventually (hopefully) they will grow up and realize they are acting pretty childish.
post #4 of 16
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosemite View Post

If you are going to have to be around these people, you need to grow a thicker skin. If it were me, I would sit down with my SO and let him know how upsetting it is and come up with a way to deal with her and her friends when you are out with them. Perhaps you could come up with a secret signal between the two of you when you or he recognizes one of her tricks and share that signal between the two of you so you would know he is being supportive and vice-versa. Eventually (hopefully) they will grow up and realize they are acting pretty childish.
More than several people in this group feel the same way about her as I do but they are the type of people who won't upset the apple cart. My boyfriend knows EXACTLY how I feel about her and he doesn't take any nonsense from her. She treats men as if they are disposable playthings and women as if they are all highly irrational for not tolerating her behaviour towards men!

She is just a total princess in the worst sense of the word and I have had enough.
post #5 of 16
Wow you sound like you are talking about a girl we used to hang out with. She was ALWAYS like that. I told her to back off in a not so nice way, it helped for a little while and she just started up again. We just quit hanging out with her, but it was fairly easy because everyone just stopped at once because of the way she was acting. Any way you could do that?
I dont know... its a hard thing to deal with.
Good luck!
post #6 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by katiemae1277 View Post
knowing me I'd tell her where to go, but that is probably not the best move That is a very tough situation though, she's obviously jealous that you're in a happy and trusting relationship, some women just can't handle someone else being happy
I agree with Katiemae.... I would be just like you, going crazy and wanting to ring her neck. I've met quite a few girls like her, but it hasn't been so bad that I have to see her often.

Maybe you could make a semi mean joke next time something like that comes up. For example if the subject of unmarried by 30..... "Well hunny, it looks like your the only one whose not getting married anytime soon". or "Well hunny, my man's happy with me and it seems as though you need to look else where" then give her an evil little wink
post #7 of 16
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by capt_jordi View Post
Wow you sound like you are talking about a girl we used to hang out with. She was ALWAYS like that. I told her to back off in a not so nice way, it helped for a little while and she just started up again. We just quit hanging out with her, but it was fairly easy because everyone just stopped at once because of the way she was acting. Any way you could do that?
I dont know... its a hard thing to deal with.
Good luck!
The weird thing is, people have let her know how they have felt in the past (ex-girlfriends of her male friends mostly). She really acts like it's their problem. When I complain about her to any of the guys in the group their attitude (except for one) is 'that's just how she is; it's harmless'. Men are sooooooo stupid when it comes to this sort of thing!! Sorry if this causes offence to any males on the site

However other girlfriends have said straight out they hate her to me without me saying a word.........yet they won't confront her. I would love all of us to have it out with her but I can't see it happening. I just don't get why all of these people are still friends with her..........they are such a clique that I will be the one who is ostracized if I confront her. I probably wouldn't care about the ones who wouldn't speak to me but I don't want to leave things awkward for my boyfriend. That is the most frustrating thing about it. Ramble over!
post #8 of 16
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by EnzoLeya View Post
I agree with Katiemae.... I would be just like you, going crazy and wanting to ring her neck. I've met quite a few girls like her, but it hasn't been so bad that I have to see her often.

Maybe you could make a semi mean joke next time something like that comes up. For example if the subject of unmarried by 30..... "Well hunny, it looks like your the only one whose not getting married anytime soon". or "Well hunny, my man's happy with me and it seems as though you need to look else where" then give her an evil little wink
Yes I like that; how about when we're talking about who's going to give us a day out (they usually focus their attentions on my boyfriend and I) and I say, well it certainly won't be YOU!!
post #9 of 16
Wow, she's really a jerk! Maybe your boyfriend should tell her "no way and leave us alone."
post #10 of 16
I think your boyfriend needs to sit her down and have a stern talk with her. He needs to tell her that he's very happy with your relationship, and that flirting with him is now off limits. If it comes from him it might make a difference. If you tell her off, your right she'll probably just make off like the victim in the situation, even though she really is not.
post #11 of 16
Yep I agree with Swampwitch! Let your boyfriend tell her off !
I know she angers you, but that is what she wants, and don't give her what she wants, see what I mean? She wants you to blow up and you look stupid in your man's eyes, so she will look better to him! so don't do it!
If you trust your man, then totally ignore her, let her do whatever she wants, don't let her know she bothers you ! does she date anyone? If so
I would turn the tables back on her! you have two choices, keep letting her look bad or go off on her then you look bad!
I have went off on girls like her, and they would just simply turn and look at me like your crazy, and so would my man , it made him mad! It made me a fool! now that i'm older, i swore to myself i would never give anyone else that much credit, male or female! and make me act out and look like a fool!! Never!!!!!!
post #12 of 16
IMO it sounds like she's jealous that she's alone and her male friend who's 30 is in a relationship. She's probably really freaking out that she is turning 30 and is not in a serious relationship. However she places a facade in front of everyone.

It sucks that she happens to be targeting your boyfriend, but I think as long as there isn't any smooching from her to him involved, then jsut roll with it. I'm sure she'll find someone else's boyfriend to flirt with soon enough...
post #13 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by EnzoLeya View Post
:
Maybe you could make a semi mean joke next time something like that comes up. For example if the subject of unmarried by 30..... "Well hunny, it looks like your the only one whose not getting married anytime soon". or "Well hunny, my man's happy with me and it seems as though you need to look else where" then give her an evil little wink
Even better yet, have your SO make the comment. All you have to do is sit back with a grin on your face and look good!
post #14 of 16
I know it has got to be killing you, (it would be me), but if you can bring yourself to do it, the best way to really *iss her of is to just BE HAPPY, look happy, act happy, smile at him, tasteful PDAs, a swat on the butt when he walks by that will make him give you a cute, little cheesy grin.
These should be the best times of your life. You may be in love more than once in your life, but THE ONE only happens once. Enjoy it! Don't let some bimbo ruin for you. She will be gone soon enough, and he will still be there.
post #15 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by krazy kat2 View Post
I know it has got to be killing you, (it would be me), but if you can bring yourself to do it, the best way to really *iss her of is to just BE HAPPY, look happy, act happy, smile at him, tasteful PDAs, a swat on the butt when he walks by that will make him give you a cute, little cheesy grin.
These should be the best times of your life. You may be in love more than once in your life, but THE ONE only happens once. Enjoy it! Don't let some bimbo ruin for you. She will be gone soon enough, and he will still be there.
Yep, thats what I would do! Good luck, girls like that are brutal
post #16 of 16
I know that this advise will be hard to follow--However it is something that I have learned through years of hardships and dealing with mean spirited people. You need to look within your self and find the strength to rise above her childish ways. If you lower yourself to her level then you both look foolish. If you remain the adult and let her behave poorly then people will think better of you. You cannot control or change the actions of others--only your own. I will say that again--you cannot control or change the actions of others--only your own. Repeat this to yourself when she is driving you crazy. Also it helps to tell yourself I will NOT lower myself to your level. Other than that, the best way to deal with a bully is to kill them with kindness. Every time she does something to get under your skin you turn it around and compliment her for it. This way it is on your terms--not hers! If you look at the situation you can see the ways that you can take the control from her--that is what she is thriving on--she is controlling you, by making you upset when she wants to. If these things don't work you can always try to see smaller portions of your group of friends at a time and in this way make sure that she is left out. (instead of seeing everyone, see two or three--and just don't invite her) I hope that these things help! Remember--stay strong--you never know what you have the strength to accomplish before you are faced with a mountain to climb!
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