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I'm not a child hater... I'm just child free. - Page 3

post #61 of 82
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by WELDRWOMN View Post
I don't plan on having children, but I will admit to the occasional worried thought about getting old without someone to take care of me.
Come join me in the Retirement community so we can complain about gas prices and eat tons of Girl Scout cookies against doctor's orders!
post #62 of 82
I did have that biological clock ticking. When I turned 29 in Jan years ago I told hubby I wanted a baby before I was 30. We got working on it - so much fun and a very short time later I was pregnant with Jenny. She will be 21 on 12/15! Then, as 40 was approaching, told hubby it was now or never for another one. Got working on it again and got pregnant right away again. Honestly, if it weren't for birth control we would probably have 12 kids! Anyway, Ben is 8 years and 4 days younger than Jenny. Note, I have an MBA. Both are Dec tax deductions.
And I loved what you told your boss about the daughter dating!
post #63 of 82
Yeah amazing!

I have no desire to have kids. But in my case it's not that I hate children. I do not have patience to be around kids for any length of time but that doesn't mean I hate them either. I just prefer to surround myself with grown ups and not kids.

Plus I have absolutely no desire to go through the painful process of giving birth. I don't voluntarily go out seeking pain. Thank you very much!

Personally I think some women are too darn nosey for their own good.

TBH the friends I have these days are few because most every woman that I know has married and had kids, or divorced and gotten remarried and started a second wave of kids.

I have no desire to go out with someone who has a bunch of kids tagging around behind her, or to hear her constantly talk about her kids and the kids' activities etc. I can't stand being in a restaurant with a bunch of screaming/unruly kids next to me, and that's what I saw when I would go out with one particular friend because she always brought her 4 kids with her. I couldn't wait to get home and away from her and her kids because not only was it taxing on my nerves, but I was also so embarrassed that the table I was sitting at was causing discomfort to those around me.

So I gradually removed myself and became less available to their family functions, to a point where I no longer have anything to do with some of them at all and haven't for a number of years now.
post #64 of 82
Quote:
Originally Posted by lookingglass View Post
In the past few weeks the women I work with have gone baby crazy. One woman that I work with is eight and half months pregnant, and it seems that all anyone can talk about is birth, babies, toys from China, and baby showers. I don't really have any issues with this, but being that I am a child free woman I do have a tendency to be left out of these conversations. Until yesterday. One woman started to drill me on why I didn't have any children. She said something like, "Oh you are 29! Your clock should be ticking! When are you going to start popping out babies?"

Me: "Um. Well. We aren't."

Her: "Oh! So you hate children? That's sad."

Wow. Somehow, I went from an independent child free woman to a child hater in less than two seconds. The unfortunate part is that my brain was too busy being offended to come up with a witty retort, so I just had to sit there like an idiot.

only person that needs to worry about it that is you and your husband. Not anyone else business.
post #65 of 82
Quote:
Originally Posted by booktigger View Post
And as for having them to look after you - my mum has 3 kids, and we have all told her we aren't looking after her, we are putting her in a nursing home!!
Wow, that's whole lot nicer than my sister and me! We keep telling them we're going to off them for the life insurance and my dad's comic book collection!

Tricia
post #66 of 82
Ooh, dont give me ideas!!
post #67 of 82
I don't think I'm ever having children either. =/ I'm not a child hater, either, though I don't much like them, unless they are just passing by. I can't stand having to babysit, because I don't like what most kids do: talk back, don't listen, do what they want when they think you're not looking, cry/scream, ect. I don't think I have the maternal instinct to be able to properly raise a little human being. I've learned I still have a long way to go to raise a proper little kitten!

And, I don't think I'll find -that- guy that I want to father my baby, either. At least, not anytime soon.
post #68 of 82
Even as a young girl, I never dreamed of becoming a mom like all my friends did. I have always had this obsession with cats but never had any interest in babies.

My Hubby & I knew we didn't want to have children. We adore children as long as they are someone elses. We do find it hilarious when everyone asks us "Are you going to have children?" and we respond by saying "No, thats what we have cats for." Not everyone was meant to have children

My mom thinks of our cats as her grandcats now. She buys them christmas presents, its the cutest thing! She has fuzzy grandchildren instead! We get big laughs out of that, its great!
post #69 of 82
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katz4Life View Post
Even as a young girl, I never dreamed of becoming a mom like all my friends did. I have always had this obsession with cats but never had any interest in babies.

My Hubby & I knew we didn't want to have children. We adore children as long as they are someone elses. We do find it hilarious when everyone asks us "Are you going to have children?", and we respond by saying "No, thats what we have cats for." Not everyone was meant to have children

My mom thinks of our cats as her grandcats now. She buys them christmas presents, its the cutest thing! She has fuzzy grandchildren instead! We get big laughs out of that, its great!
My Mom has a shirt that says, "I my Grandcats".

I just love it.

I know being a Mom is the hardest job in the world, and I love women for being willing to take that on. The best part is the majority of Mom's that I've met are doing a much better job raising their children than they think.
post #70 of 82
Quote:
Originally Posted by lookingglass View Post
My Mom has a shirt that says, "I my Grandcats".
That "I my Grandcats" is great! I should get that shirt for my mom, she'd get a laugh out of that one! Didn't know they had stuff like that Going to have to buy that for her!
post #71 of 82
My mom gave in & bought gifts for the cats & dogs this Christmas. She's come to understand I'll never give her grandkids.....she's got one now so she's OK with the cats!
post #72 of 82
Quote:
Originally Posted by lookingglass View Post
She said something like, "Oh you are 29! Your clock should be ticking! When are you going to start popping out babies?"

Me: "Um. Well. We aren't."

Her: "Oh! So you hate children? That's sad."

Wow. Somehow, I went from an independent child free woman to a child hater in less than two seconds. The unfortunate part is that my brain was too busy being offended to come up with a witty retort, so I just had to sit there like an idiot.

Sometimes silence speaks volumes especially when accompanied by an icy stare.

I was very hurt when I was in the same situation. Consider the source though. Her ignorance and judgemental attitude says a lot about her.
post #73 of 82
Quote:
Originally Posted by lookingglass View Post
My Mom has a shirt that says, "I my Grandcats".

I just love it.

I know being a Mom is the hardest job in the world, and I love women for being willing to take that on. The best part is the majority of Mom's that I've met are doing a much better job raising their children than they think.

That's very true. I've been teaching teens and twenty-somethings for over half my life, and the vast majority of them have been balanced, reasonable, well-behaved individuals, so their parents are definitely doing something right. Some of the "problem kids" have very involved and concerned parents, who, as far as I can tell, haven't done anything wrong, but have been "blessed" with rebellious children. Unfortunately, there are a few who have no control over their kids, or no idea of what they're up to.

I spent today's lunch break talking to a 19-year-old who wants to move out on her own, because her mother and step-father "are being impossible". This gal got herself a puppy about six months ago, and her parents' "impossible behavior" consists of them insisting that she vacuum their apartment and mop the tile floors every 2 or 3 days (we've had very wet weather the past few weeks), and that she stay home with the puppy this New Year's Eve because they're afraid he'll freak out because of the fireworks. They're visiting her brother way up north over the holidays. She seemed a bit shocked when I told her that I found her parents' demands very reasonable, and that since she was the one who got the puppy, she had to be responsible for his care, messes, etc.. I think she was expecting tea and sympathy (she did get tea).
post #74 of 82
My hubby and I are childless too. I knew before we got married that there would be a very slim chance of having a baby on our own. My hubby has a condition that made him sterile.

Also, I have what is called neurofibromatosis or NF for short. It can cause tumors all over and in the body. My niece was almost paralysed when she had to have major back surgery because of this condition. I did the math and there would have been only a 25% chance of having a child that had neither of these conditions, which to me was too low. A 50/50 chance of having either condition and a 25% chance of the child having BOTH conditions which is way to high since it would have mostly resulted in a severely handicapped child.

We never were able to afford to adopt and now that we are in our 50's, we can't stand to be around kids. I love kids but don't like the noise. I hate it when some kid is screaming and you can hear them clear across the store.

My dearly departed mom once told me that if she knew then what she knew about NF later in life, she would not have had kids.

People still ask me sometimes why we don't have kids. I tell them I do have a big kid. A big 56 yr old kid who whines for a hotwheel car almost every time we go to the store. He needs his toys!
post #75 of 82
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Catkiki View Post
My hubby and I are childless too. I knew before we got married that there would be a very slim chance of having a baby on our own. My hubby has a condition that made him sterile.

Also, I have what is called neurofibromatosis or NF for short. It can cause tumors all over and in the body. My niece was almost paralysed when she had to have major back surgery because of this condition. I did the math and there would have been only a 25% chance of having a child that had neither of these conditions, which to me was too low. A 50/50 chance of having either condition and a 25% chance of the child having BOTH conditions which is way to high since it would have mostly resulted in a severely handicapped child.

We never were able to afford to adopt and now that we are in our 50's, we can't stand to be around kids. I love kids but don't like the noise. I hate it when some kid is screaming and you can hear them clear across the store.

My dearly departed mom once told me that if she knew then what she knew about NF later in life, she would not have had kids.

People still ask me sometimes why we don't have kids. I tell them I do have a big kid. A big 56 yr old kid who whines for a hotwheel car almost every time we go to the store. He needs his toys!

Mine needs Transformers. Ever. Single. Time.

I spend more time in Toys R US than a parent of a toddler.
post #76 of 82
Thread Starter 
UG. It happened AGAIN! The same lady.

This time it went a little different.

Her: So, you dislike children?

Me: No. Not at all. I just don't want them.

Her: Well, I have five, and I don't get that.

Me: That's fine by me, but don't judge me on the fact that I don't have any.

Her: You'll live a sad life.

Me: I really don't think so.

Her: What do you even want to accomplish?

Me: I want to be as educated as I am able, I want to be the best wife to my husband, and I want to teach what I know.

Her: I really don't get you.

Me: That's fine by me.

She threw up her hands and walked away.
post #77 of 82
Good for you! So managing to get pregnant and to give birth five times is some type of awesome accomplishment in her eyes? Millions of women can and do have five children. The challenge would be to raise them all to be good human beings.

Seems many people believe that if they pop out children their contribution to the world is complete. I will never understand.
post #78 of 82
Slightly off topic but ... does anyone else read TIME ... there was a small article on WEALTHY familys with Large amount s of kids( 4 or more)... one mother of six said that recitals got boring and she had to do everything 6 times so missing some stuff didnt bother her...THIS is why some should NOT have kids
post #79 of 82
Quote:
Originally Posted by lookingglass View Post
UG. It happened AGAIN! The same lady.
Sounds like a really weird and rude person. A one time slip of the tongue I can understand, but that seems like almost an agenda. Why on earth should she care if you have kids or not enough to bring it up again and in such a tone?
post #80 of 82
Lots of good posts in this thread.

I am amazed how many people believe each woman has to have kids or she's worthless. I am 40 and child free.

I work with a large population of never married mothers who had their kids young and do not live with the fathers of their children or even know where they are. For years they asked why I did not have kids. I'd respond with: "I'm not married." Their reply: "You don't need to be married to have kids." Me: "I don't believe in raising kids without their father/my husband, plus I would not do a good job by myself." Their response: "Just get your mother to raise them!" with a "Geesh!" look on their face. My mother already did her job raising kids - it is not her responsibility to raise another generation. Many women I work with too are getting up in years yet have their grandkid(s) home to raise. Their adult children weren't interested in being actual parents.

Anyway, it does rub me the wrong way of how much I hear that we should just have kids and family units be damned. I don't care how old fashioned it is to some people - I believe you should be married to a great guy who would be a great father - BEFORE you have kids. And as far as all these "accidents" - my birth control always worked. I get tired of all the failed bc stories I hear and that's how they got where they did - it wasn't their "fault". I call BS. I knew having an unplanned child would not be beneficially for me or the child, so it never happened. If you can't afford a child or mentally/emotionally be ready to commit to such a huge job - don't have them!

I dont get the childfree = selfish thing either. The majority of the parents I've ever come across have zero interest in anyone or anything other than their own children. Everyone else pretty much is invisible. I, OTOH, have plenty of time to do volunteer work - which includes taking care of other people's kids who are falling down on the job - and am v. interested in adopting a special needs child or some other discarded child. With all the unwanted kids in the world I see it as more selfish to insist on only breeding your own. If you want multiple children so much, take some that are already here.

I also have questionable genes. I was speaking with a member of a family whose parents insisted having four kids - knowing there was a 50% chance they would be handing down a death sentence of Huntington's. This girl was 21 and all three of her older (but young) siblings were dead. She did not inherit the gene herself. I found that incredibly cruel of her parents - they did it knowingly. Her parents are dead too now and she alone cared for her dying siblings (and it is a painful disease). Yet I bet many can make arguments that breeding is the be all end all - regardless of what is at stake. But wait a minute - I'm the selfish one!

I'm not against having children btw. I just know what a huge undertaking it is raising chlildren properly - it isnt all lollypops and rainbows. If my life had worked out differently perhpas I would have had one - and adopted others. My husband died 14 mns after we married. He had wanted to pass on his genes but I was adamant that I was not going to have a child knowingly with his father dying for certain. Again, selfish.

My parents always told me over the years that having kids was something they wouldn't have done had they known what it would be like. My father explained when they got married it was during a time where you just did it without thinking. I think many have that same mindset today.

And a gripe: I'm tired of people bragging of their accomplishment of "having sex". That's what my friends and I complain about - "Yeah - you made a kid. So where's our accolades for having sex? We're all having it, no need to prove it with that baby straddled to your chest".
post #81 of 82
Quote:
Originally Posted by lookingglass View Post
UG. It happened AGAIN! The same lady.

This time it went a little different.

Her: So, you dislike children?

Me: No. Not at all. I just don't want them.

Her: Well, I have five, and I don't get that.

Me: That's fine by me, but don't judge me on the fact that I don't have any.

Her: You'll live a sad life.

Me: I really don't think so.

Her: What do you even want to accomplish?

Me: I want to be as educated as I am able, I want to be the best wife to my husband, and I want to teach what I know.

Her: I really don't get you.

Me: That's fine by me.

She threw up her hands and walked away.
You see, I wouldn't even have had this conversation with her. As soon as she said "So, you dislike children?", I would have responded, "No, not at all. I'd try to explain it to you but you wouldn't understand" and walk away.
post #82 of 82
wow, I guess according to Heather's lady, a bunch of us will never accomplish anything

And CDubbie, I totally agree with you, I need to find a man who will be a GREAT father before I ever consider having children, I believe that is so important.

I also don't buy the failed BC line, I've been on BC for 10+ years and don't have kids- plus I was horrible about taking my pill
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