Velvet & Isabella's Results:
This just in! Kitty subject is known to be luxurious and particular. Suspected incarnation of Audrey Hepburn. Don't feed generic cat food.
Former Incarnation: Audrey Hepburn
Aliases: Princess, Jewels, Posh Paws, Angel, Precious, Little Boots, Minnie, Boo-Boo
Description: Subject has uncanny sense for luxury, and has been known to act in a snobbish or pretentious manner. Is demanding. Is often seen with other cats of the same status group, perhaps wearing expensive collars. Is convinced that it deserves a high standard of living. Not dangerous, although can get carried away during playtime. Naps lightly. Bats daintily. Subject can be easily persuaded with gourmet food and expensive toys. Often is good for a cuddle or a hug, this cat makes a fine companion. Tends to meow in a fake refined kitty accent that may sound comical to other, less polished cats. In spare time, often reads cat fashion magazines, such as Meow, Cat Health, and Cat and Country".
Kojak's results (it's not accurate- it makes him sound mean, he's really just playful):
This just in! Kitty subject is known to be short-tempered and tough. Suspected incarnation of Reggie Kray. Approach with caution.
Former Incarnation: Reggie Kray
Aliases: Biggie, Mugsy, Vinny, Chunko, Bunto, Killer, Claws, The Predator, Meanie, Feathers
Description: Subject is known murderer, and has taste for the blood of birds and small rodents. Although known for rough behaviour, subject always remains well groomed and wearing immaculately tailored coat. Fur may be illegally imported from Italy. Probably has scars. Runs catnip ring, and extorts cat food from others. May meow with slight East End accent. Prefers to stay in its own neighbourhood, but strays into other areas at night. Fearless defender of the home from all invading squirrels or mice. Is fearless of other cats, and will attack just for kicks. Good for a quick cuddle, but do not push this cat too far. Protective eyewear suggested. Ankle injury likely upon meeting subject. Has earned a degree in creative shredding of valuables. Loves gangster movies.
This just in! Kitty subject is known to be lazy and large. Suspected incarnation of Jabba the Hut. Feed with caution.
Former Incarnation: Jabba the Hut
Aliases: Fatso, Lardass, Bluto, Porker, Tubby, Blob, Garfield, Chubmeister, Lazybones, Pie eater
Description: Subject is completely lazy. Will eat anything in sight, as long as doing so does not require a great deal of movement. Subject has predilection for soft and comfortable lounging places, preferably in the sunshine. During obligatory movement, may exhibit lateral wobbling motion or tendency to waddle. To avoid injury, do not stand in its way if subject manages to break into a run. Eyes tend to be a bit dull and unfocused, unless the subject of conversation is food or rest. In such cases, a peculiar focus dominates the gaze. Is not a great conversationalist, although has been known to talk for hours with friends about culinary discoveries found in the rubbish. Most people confuse this cat's frequent burps for meows. Prefers television to reading. Dreams of training a mouse to become its butler.