Originally Posted by GingersMom
You took my words out of context.
I stated, and you quoted my statement, that parents need to discipline their children
did I state that the only
method in which to do so is by spanking them.
I have clearly stated in a previous post in this thread that it should be used as a last resort.
You still haven't answered the question I asked you - what should the parent of the child who punched you in the throat have done, instead of spanking him, for hitting you in a way that could have had extremely serious consequences? I would honestly like to see what your answer is.
Aw, I'm sorry I misunderstood
That was the bit I disagreed with, when you said that parents who don't spank their children are somehow failing to discipline them.
With that particular child, and his sister, I think that their mother made them so violent by spanking them. In that instance, all she did was show them that an okay way to express anger is through violence, which is exactly what he had done to me. IMO, children who are spanked *sometimes* (and depending on how it is done, the other things their parents do, etc) no longer respond to any other kind of discipline.
In his case I felt too bad for him to be mad, even, because I witnessed exactly why he was the way he was. Too often things that truly are abuse are passed off as spanking.
If he were my child, I would consider that type of behavior to be pathological and he would be in a psychologists office faster than he could protest it. I would want to know why he thought it was appropriate and why he was so angry at pretty much nothing.
For the more standard instances, such as one sibling hitting another one for taking his toy or something, I would sit them both down and we would talk about why he was angry, make sure the other child knew that it wasn't okay to take things without permission and make sure the one who hit knew that he had to share. Its more of a long-term process involving teaching children healthy ways to express anger and deal with others.
If that didn't work, then they wouldn't get any toys until they understood, and if one of them got it and the other didn't, then the one who did would be allowed to play until the other does-- repeated for however long it takes.
And I do know that in reality things with children don't work the way you would like them to, ever. But the emphasis should be on teaching them how to do things right, not punishing them when they do things wrong. A major part of this is by example, and if the example includes spanking them, what are they learning from that?