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Interfering friends?!

post #1 of 14
Thread Starter 
So my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. We bought a house together 18 months ago. We decided that we wanted to spend this christmas together in our home rather than split up and go to our respective families. My parents are being incredibly cool about it (I thought they would be annoyed). His mother isn't so happy (her exact words were 'I thought cats could look after themselves'. She thinks we're staying for Harry; partly true but she doesn't need to know that ) but she's okay about it.

However 2 of my closest friends were extremely critical! They reckon until we're married we should be going to our own parents and they also made me feel really guilty saying my parents are going to be lonely (my brother ans sister will be at home so not an issue). I was really surprised by their reaction and the reaction of other random people in my circle of friends.

Is it totally none of their business or should I feel bad about this?
post #2 of 14
I really think they should not have a say. It is your decision along with your boyfriend's to make. You have considered the feelings of the parents for both sides and that is what matters. Everyone decides how they want to celebrate and no one can tell you whether that is right or wrong.
post #3 of 14
Tell them to live their lives and let you both live yours, because it's got nothing what so ever to do with them
post #4 of 14
I think it's none of their business. I mean, everyone has a right to an opinion, but don't let it influence you or make you feel bad in any way. Personally, it sounds to me like that may be jealous that you have someone special in your life that you want to spend the holidays with. As long as your families are ok with it, then I wouldn't worry about it.
post #5 of 14
Thread Starter 
You're all right but I was really shocked at how they reacted. As if it's going to affect their day! The most vocal person is always comparing her relationship to mine; as soon as we moved in together she put pressure on her boyfriend to do the same, and there have been several similar more minor incidents. Who cares about them!!
post #6 of 14
Even though me and my SO are not married, we do not split up for Christmas. When we started living together, we would go to one parents house or the other. We had our son and we obviously didn't split up then for xmas.

Do what you want. Whether you stay home or go to one of the parents houses. Why should you split up when you live together making you an unofficially married couple?
post #7 of 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by Catnip View Post
should I feel bad about this?
Why should you feel bad? You and your boyfriend have a home together and regardless of whether there is a piece of paper tying you together you are a couple living in a married situation.

Have Christmas at your house and invite your family and friends and be happy about it
post #8 of 14
No don't feel bad! The only thing you should ever feel bad about is if you're doing something that go against your relationship.

I think its wonderful that you two decided to spend Christmas together! B and I aren't married yet, but we've been trading holidays between families since we began going to each others.
post #9 of 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by Catnip View Post

However 2 of my closest friends were extremely critical! They reckon until we're married we should be going to our own parents and they also made me feel really guilty saying my parents are going to be lonely (my brother ans sister will be at home so not an issue). I was really surprised by their reaction and the reaction of other random people in my circle of friends.

Is it totally none of their business or should I feel bad about this?

I don't think they should have a say. Rob & I split up the holidays the first year we were together. I moved in during August, and for our first Thanksgiving together we came to my parent's house. For Christmas, we stayed with his parents. Then in 2006 we swapped it, and this year we swapped it back again. (Although, I'm starting to want to spend both Thanksgiving AND Christmas with my parents ... because i have to see his parents everyday, and I only see mine whenever we decide to make a trip to NC). Neither of us would care what friends had to say, it is not their place to decide where we go or what we do for the holidays.

It is only up to the two of you what you do. Maybe you guys should invite family to your place one year, and kind of host the families? It sounds like both families are cool with it, so why does it matter to anyone else.
post #10 of 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by Catnip View Post
You're all right but I was really shocked at how they reacted. As if it's going to affect their day! The most vocal person is always comparing her relationship to mine; as soon as we moved in together she put pressure on her boyfriend to do the same, and there have been several similar more minor incidents. Who cares about them!!
That speaks volumes about her. She's just jealous and pretty obvious about it.

You are a couple IMO and as a couple you stay together for special holidays/occasions. As long as both your families are OK with it, it shouldn't matter in the least what anyone else thinks.
post #11 of 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosemite View Post
That speaks volumes about her. She's just jealous and pretty obvious about it.

You are a couple IMO and as a couple you stay together for special holidays/occasions. As long as both your families are OK with it, it shouldn't matter in the least what anyone else thinks.
Their reactions are more revealing about their own insecurities and issues than what you should do. I feel that if all of the interested parties are in agreement, then it really doesn't matter what others think.
post #12 of 14
You need to make your own choices, it really is nobody elses business. You need to tell your friend to MYOB. Enjoy your first Christmas in your new home .
post #13 of 14
One more vote for "It's none of their $&$&$$&$&$ business". And, I'm guessing if the shoe were on the other foot, i.e. you interfering with them, they'd be plenty quick to tell you that.
post #14 of 14
I think it is great that you are spending Christmas in your own home together. When we moved away from our families and were able to just cook a nice little meal and spend a quiet day together, it was probably the best Christmas I ever had except maybe my daughter's first one. We are doing it again this year.
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