Anyone ever been cheated on???

greenvillegal

TCS Member
Thread starter
Alpha Cat
Joined
Jul 25, 2007
Messages
594
Purraise
1
Location
Bossier City, LA
I just found out that my boyfriend (now my EX-boyfriend) was cheating on me and I am absolutely devastated. I actually found out on Saturday, and it wasn't from him telling me. It was from me calling him while he was somewhere he shouldn't have been. At first I was really angry, took down our pictures, updated my MySpace page (I know that sounds childish), and called all of my friends screaming and crying hysterically. Then I went out and had some fun, and enjoyed being single for a while.

Yesterday morning he asked me to come over (he lives in the same apartment building as I do) so we could talk. He gave me the typical monologue you would expect from a guilty person. "I love you so much and don't want to lose you, I'm so sorry that I did this to you and I was right on the verge of coming clean to you. I feel so horrible and would do anything to get you back." There was a lot more said but that's the gist of it. I really don't know what I should do.

I love him so much, and I think everyone deserves a second chance, but I really do not see how I could ever trust him again. Has anyone ever been cheated on and how did you deal with it? Did you give them another chance?
 

white cat lover

TCS Member
Veteran
Joined
Nov 17, 2005
Messages
22,206
Purraise
35
I've never been cheated on....but I honestly couldn't trust someone who cheated on me.
 

dixie_darlin

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jul 25, 2005
Messages
8,031
Purraise
4
Location
Pinellas Park, Florida
I always say "Once a cheater, always a cheater"

Don't take this the wrong way but if you take him back it's like saying you approved of his behaviour and that you'll forgive him if he does it again.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #4

greenvillegal

TCS Member
Thread starter
Alpha Cat
Joined
Jul 25, 2007
Messages
594
Purraise
1
Location
Bossier City, LA
That's what everyone has been saying... what if I make him wait a while and work his ass off to show me he's sorry and really wants me back?
 

dixie_darlin

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jul 25, 2005
Messages
8,031
Purraise
4
Location
Pinellas Park, Florida
Originally Posted by greenvillegal

That's what everyone has been saying... what if I make him wait a while and work his ass off to show me he's sorry and really wants me back?
You could but, if he knows thats what you're doing then he will probably just be good until you take him back. Then do it again.

How long were you together?
How many times did he cheat?
Is it an ongoing thing or a fling?
 

capt_jordi

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jul 31, 2007
Messages
2,777
Purraise
13
Location
Knoxville, TN
Yea I've been cheated on, and I tried to give him a second chance and it came back to bite me in the bum! ''

Even if he does behave himself, its so hard to rebuild a relationship as it is after a break up, but when theres no trust there, it makes it 5 million times worse!
 

cococat

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Feb 2, 2007
Messages
4,953
Purraise
12
Location
USA
If you "caught" him it has probably happened before and will happen again. Dump him and move on. People who are faithful are just that, faithful. IMO once a cheater, always a cheater.

Sorry you are going through this, but it is much better you found out than kept being in the dark about this, just how long did he think he could get away with this? It is very rude and insensitive. He could have taken a break with your relationship, or broken up with you, but instead he decided to play a game with your emotions and play a game of risk where he benefits as long as he can not get caught. That is not love or even basic respect. People like this will probably cheat again.
 

catloverin_ks

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 13, 2006
Messages
10,177
Purraise
1
Location
Podunk, Kansas
Yup!! I was cheated on by my sons dad-and it never stopped. I finally had enough!

I think once a cheater, always a cheater-that applied to him 110%!!
 

cococat

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Feb 2, 2007
Messages
4,953
Purraise
12
Location
USA
Originally Posted by greenvillegal

That's what everyone has been saying... what if I make him wait a while and work his ass off to show me he's sorry and really wants me back?
My best friend did this with her cheating boyfriend since he cried for her back. He did work harder, but a month later he cheated again. If he really was sorry and wanted to work for your relationship he wouldn't have cheated, he shouldn't need motivation to keep you like you saying make him wait and work hard.

Sounds like it is time to move on.
 

ping

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jul 14, 2006
Messages
2,205
Purraise
2
Location
Ga
I have been cheated on once many years ago. I was asleep in my then ex-boyfriends room. Woke up walked into a different room looking for him (was not in bed or in the living room). Yeah well he was doing my then best friend in another bedroom. Walked out in the middle of the night.

It hurts like heck (putting mildly) to be cheated on. I could never take someone back that has cheated on me never.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #11

greenvillegal

TCS Member
Thread starter
Alpha Cat
Joined
Jul 25, 2007
Messages
594
Purraise
1
Location
Bossier City, LA
Originally Posted by Dixie_Darlin

How long were you together?
How many times did he cheat?
Is it an ongoing thing or a fling?
We have been together for 2 years. He says it was just one girl, and it started about a month ago.

I am hearing what all of you are saying loud and clear... I just can't give myself the strength to take your advice and walk away. It's so hard...
 

cococat

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Feb 2, 2007
Messages
4,953
Purraise
12
Location
USA
So for a whole month he has been cheating behind your back? That should make you so mad walking away should be easy. You deserve better.

I am sorry...
 

dixie_darlin

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jul 25, 2005
Messages
8,031
Purraise
4
Location
Pinellas Park, Florida
Originally Posted by greenvillegal

We have been together for 2 years. He says it was just one girl, and it started about a month ago.

I am hearing what all of you are saying loud and clear... I just can't give myself the strength to take your advice and walk away. It's so hard...
Is it still going on? I know it's hard to do but the best thing to do is get angry!

If this is someone he has contact with I would end it. Temptation is still there
 

emrldsky

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jun 27, 2006
Messages
2,335
Purraise
2
Location
Nuh uh...might give me away!
I think he needs to be honest with himself. There's a reason he cheated, and don't think I'm saying it's your fault (because it's not), but he needs to figure out WHY he did it. Did he feel that he wasn't getting something from you? Affection, attention, etc.?

Only he can figure it out. After two years, he should have been honest with you if he felt a need wasn't met, instead of turning to another.

If he's just a scumbag, then it's good you found out now, rather than further down the road.
 

katz4life

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jul 24, 2007
Messages
3,667
Purraise
2
There are lots of great guys out there that will be faithful


You can give the guy a second chance but if he really loved you that much, he would of never cheated on you. You lost trust in him & that is very important in a relationship. You don't deserve a guy that would do that to you ! As corny as it sounds, follow what your heart tells you.


Don't ever be scared to walk away, it may be one of the best decisions of your life.
If you ever need anything - we are all here for you
 

yosemite

TCS Member
Veteran
Joined
Apr 26, 2001
Messages
23,313
Purraise
81
Location
Ingersoll, ON
A fellow I was nuts about cheated on me when I was younger. When I found out (and it was with one of my best friends) he admitted it. I broke off with him then and there, cried for days but went on stronger and ended up with a far better person. He ended up in a dead-end job, drank too much and would probably have made my life miserable anyway.

I agree - if they cheat once and only confess after getting caught, they will do it again as soon as they feel confidant that they have you back.

Sometimes it also depends on how old the person is. My oldest brother was terrible - he cheated on his wife all the time. I hated him for it and she was like a doormat - kept taking him back and let him walk all over her. They finally divorced and he met a woman that told him if she ever caught him cheating on her - she and the kids were gone. They've been together now over 30 years and from what I can tell are pretty happy together.

What I'm basically saying is it just takes some guys longer to grow up and then again, some never do. Then around middle age they start feeling like they're getting old and start chasing after younger women to prove to themselves that they "still have it",
(not all of them thank goodness, just the ones with low self-esteem).
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #18

greenvillegal

TCS Member
Thread starter
Alpha Cat
Joined
Jul 25, 2007
Messages
594
Purraise
1
Location
Bossier City, LA
I totally agree that hindsight is 20/20 especially in this kind of situation...

So what the hell is wrong with me? Why am I considering giving him another chance? He works with the girl so yeah he sees her. It really bothers me. I actually think it would be better if it weren't just one girl.

I wasn't neglecting him or anything. He says he doesn't know why he did it. Now, HE was neglecting ME for the past 4 months. That's why I started to suspect. Last week I actually hooked up with a guy, but that's only because of what he was doing to me. I knew he was cheating at that point and just had to catch him in a lie, and I was also trying to distance myself from him so that when I caught him I wouldn't be so hurt. All of my friends say that my act is justified, so should I feel guilty about what I did?
 

catnip

TCS Member
Super Cat
Joined
Jun 5, 2007
Messages
737
Purraise
43
Location
Ireland
You were hurting badly when you hooked up with the other guy and there was probably an element of revenge involved so I don't think you should feel guilty about it. You know there is no way you would have done that if he hadn't been cheating on you.

I have to say I agree with the other posters. He cheated on you which shows an absolute lack of respect, which is fundamental in any relationship. My boyfriend has cheated on exes as a way of getting out of the relationship but he has been heavily warned what will happen to him if he does that to me
.
 

arlyn

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
May 9, 2005
Messages
9,306
Purraise
50
Location
Needles, CA
Not only was I cheated on, but I caught them in the act at my birthday party.
The girl involved was the 'girlfriend' of one of my closest friends.

I don't care one whit about the ex-boyfriend, but the whole scene put a huge rift that was never fixed between my friend and I, and that hurt me much more.


Thankfully not all guys are like this, whether you give him another chance or not is up to you, just remember it's on him, not you.

What you did though, and I'm sorry for saying this (but I have done the very same thing) was wrong, it was an act of passive agressive retaliation.
 
Top