Tit for Tat? I don't know how old you are but it sounds like neither of you are ready for a permanent relationship yet. I'd recommend you both staying single for awhile and dating other people. If what you think you have is real, it will still be there after you both have time alone.
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Anyone ever been cheated on???
- Thread starter greenvillegal
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- #22
catnip, you're right, I would have never done that had he been faithful. arlyn, I do agree it's wrong... but he doesn't even care, and he's saying that he understands why I did it and that it doesn't matter. Is that part of his ploy to get me back? Act like all the guilt is on him?
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- #23
Yosemite, I am 26 and he is 31.
The guilt is possibly an act.
Given his response, I'd say if you want to give him another chance, let him earn your trust back.
I certainly would not take him back until he does so, that's for certain.
I would like to say though that I honestly hope this is the last time in your life that you have to deal with this kind of thing, I know how crummy guys can make you feel.
Given his response, I'd say if you want to give him another chance, let him earn your trust back.
I certainly would not take him back until he does so, that's for certain.
I would like to say though that I honestly hope this is the last time in your life that you have to deal with this kind of thing, I know how crummy guys can make you feel.
Exactly. Been there, done that.Originally Posted by Dixie_Darlin
I always say "Once a cheater, always a cheater"
Don't take this the wrong way but if you take him back it's like saying you approved of his behaviour and that you'll forgive him if he does it again.
You can try, but ...... see above.
I know it hurts but the truth is, he will only do it again. Once a cheater... etc.
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- #26
Arlyn you're right. I really want him to work for it, and I definitely will not be with him if I can't trust him. I just need to tell him that during this trial there is that possibility that it won't work. And he may give me the world on a silver platter but if I can trust him in my heart then he's just going to have to deal with the fact that he ruined the best thing that'll ever happen to him.
It's hard for someone to earn someone's trust back, and it should be. I have to keep tabs on everything he does now... just doesn't sound fun. I'll have to keep thinking about it.
I really appreciate everyone jumping in here and giving their support and advice. This is my first time in this situation and it really is just... devastating.
It's hard for someone to earn someone's trust back, and it should be. I have to keep tabs on everything he does now... just doesn't sound fun. I'll have to keep thinking about it.
I really appreciate everyone jumping in here and giving their support and advice. This is my first time in this situation and it really is just... devastating.
It was going on for a month and in all that time he never once had the ... you know what... to come out and tell you?! He NEVER had any intention of telling you IMO and that he said he did was only because you caught him.
I don't think what you did was wrong either. Maybe not the smartest choice but nothing to feel guilty over IMO. I suspect he's blowing it off to win you back. Quite honestly I'm not sure I'd trust anything he's saying right now.
You asked why you still want him back... it's easy to answer... you love him! Even though what he did was totally dis-respectful and a total cop out you love him and even something like this doesn't make you instantly stop loving him. I call it a cop-out because I personally feel the if you need to look outside of your relationship for sex then you need to end the relationship first!
It sucks what he did to you and not only will it make him hard to trust but it might make it hard for you to trust men in general. Not fair to you or any any men in your future... but probably true anyway.
I would take some time away... might be hard if you live in the same building but I'd enforce a no contact rule for at least a month. Then see how you feel about him and this situation... you may not be so eager to take him back after you've had some time to think clearly.
Yes I have..and the person did it over and over again.
I agree with once a cheater, always a cheater. Maybe the guy isn't ready to grow up and get into a serious relationship...or maybe thats just how he will always be. But either way YOU deserve better and shouldn't have to put up with it. It is something that he should work on and you deserve a guy that will be with you and ONLY you.
I know it can be hard but I think the best thing for you to do is stay away from him and not get back into a relationship with him. You deserve so much better than that!
I agree with once a cheater, always a cheater. Maybe the guy isn't ready to grow up and get into a serious relationship...or maybe thats just how he will always be. But either way YOU deserve better and shouldn't have to put up with it. It is something that he should work on and you deserve a guy that will be with you and ONLY you.
Hmmmm - if at 31 he doesn't know better, then I personally wouldn't dream of taking him back. I could understand if he was 21 and did it, but 31 - no way. Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too.
I haven't been cheated on, but if a guy ever cheated on me I would never in a million years take him back. There are so many guys out there that will stay faithful and would never even dream of cheating on their wife/girlfriend.
Let me tell you about trust! My husband had to work his behind of to prove himself to me and he didn't even cheat on me... he had an identity crisis while we were dating and broke my heart... twice! The first time it was easy to take him back. The second time we didn't speak for over a month... were on friendly terms for another 2 months before he even suggested us getting back together. When he did it was with the promise of marriage and I still made him work for it!
I agree. my boyfriend cheated on me when I was 17, he was 20. That was the end of him, he said he was sorry, he begged, he called, sent flowers, I Knew I couldn't trust him again, A few years later I ran into a women, she had married him , he cheated on her many times, I made the right choice. You need to make your own choice, just keep your eyes wide open.
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- #33
I do think he wants to sorta live the single life still but he likes the security of having a woman to come home to.
Yeah, the night before I found out I was laying in bed on his chest, crying, telling him that I felt we were growing apart, and he swore that he wasn't cheating on me, and said he loved me. Of course after I caught him he told me that he felt SO horrible that night, and that he was trying to sort out his thoughts and come clean. Now I'm not THAT stupid. I don't believe that, I believe he would have kept it going as long as he didn't get caught. Who wouldn't?
I guess I am confused as to why, if he wants to be single, he is trying to get me back... oh yeah, the comfort...
Meaghan, he actually mentioned marriage last night. Saying that maybe we need to start talking about it and planning for the future... can't believe that either. I just can't believe anything!
Yeah, the night before I found out I was laying in bed on his chest, crying, telling him that I felt we were growing apart, and he swore that he wasn't cheating on me, and said he loved me. Of course after I caught him he told me that he felt SO horrible that night, and that he was trying to sort out his thoughts and come clean. Now I'm not THAT stupid. I don't believe that, I believe he would have kept it going as long as he didn't get caught. Who wouldn't?
I guess I am confused as to why, if he wants to be single, he is trying to get me back... oh yeah, the comfort...
Meaghan, he actually mentioned marriage last night. Saying that maybe we need to start talking about it and planning for the future... can't believe that either. I just can't believe anything!
If he can lie to you when you're that vulnerable, and he knew what he had done then I would kick his rear ro the curb!
He has NO regard for your feelings.... Sounds like he wants you as a safety net... To fall back on when the single life gets old
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- #35
Everyone I am heading out for a while. I will check back with the thread in a while. THANK YOU all.
Yeah both my ex boyfriends cheated on me. Both used the "area code" excuse. Because I was out of the area gave then the "green light" to cheat. I found out because my one asked my friend to sleep with him and told her I said it was ok!!
I am so happy I found my hubby. The most caring loving person I have every met. He is awesome!!
I am so happy I found my hubby. The most caring loving person I have every met. He is awesome!!
Not only is it not fun, that is not healthy. How long will that last? How sneaky will he have to become? Will it be a game to him? A good relationship is built around trust, but he violated that trust with long term cheating. It isn’t healthy to keep tabs on everything he will do and does do.
He doesn't want to be single. He doesn't want to be committed either. He sounds selfish. Basically he wants to do what he wants and have things his way, regardless of who he might hurt (the other party might not have known he had a girlfriend either for that matter).
He doesn't respect you either, and that is a part of love. If he did, he wouldn't have done this to you for a month (more if you let him probably wonder how long it would have gone on). People will treat you how you let them treat you to a degree, especially in a relationship. If you show him you will take him back even though he has been cheating on you for a month, then what type of message does this send? Don't put up with it, and find someone better.
Yes, and do yourself a favor- NEVER take a cheater back. Trust me on that one
I had my heart ripped out of my chest and trampled on more times than i care to share by my ex. I always kept going back to him....two years...then one day- i realized: I'm better than this. I don't deserve to be cheated on, and i do not deserve to share my man- as soon as i wisened up (and it took a while) i moved on and i am much happier!
(I read "don't date him girl" - haha that book was great! it was just what i needed to realize he didn't love me as much as he said because i knew he was still cheating).
I still love my ex...it's hard not too, there were many good things about him, and we had a lot of wonderful memories we shared. I still care about him and hope that he is doing well in his life and he is happy- however, i do not EVER want him back. I love him- there is always going to be a spot in my heart for him , however i am not "in love" with him. Now that i'm out of that "honeymoon" phase- i see just how bad he was to me- how many times he lied, the excuses, the other women i'm definite he cheated with, I didn't deserve to be treated that way. I do NOT miss him! I do not miss the heartache, i do not miss the pain he put me through, i do not miss the hurt, i do not miss any of the negative aspects from that relationship and how i was treated. It takes a while to get to that point- but it will happen
You really need to be gentle with yourself right now sweetheart- just take it easy.
I can't tell you how thankfully i am that i've moved on - had i stayed with my ex, i know i would have wound up married to an unfaithful husband who would have run around on my- it would have been much worse if we would have had kids and then wound up divorced or something else. I didn't think about those things when i kept running back to him....now that i've wisened up a bit- i am thankfull i didn't stay with him- i would have been in for a very long, miserable life
Looking back- i know i made the right decision by finally ending it.
Once I ended it with my ex, i wound up finding the man of my dreams a short while later. I couldn't ask for a better man.
He has never cheated on me, never made me feel like i didn't deserve his faithfullness, never betrayed me- i love him with every breath of my being for it too! I promise there are MANY good men out there- i found mine. And I couldn't be more thankful for him. We're getting married in March
Chin up hon- things will change for the better as soon as you make positive changes and stick to your guns about not settling for someone who cheats on you. You DESERVE a good man- you are worthy of someone who will love and respect you, and you should never settle for someone who is going to betray you like that- remember that!
(And no matter how tempting it may be - do NOT, i repeat, do NOT hook up with your ex after you've broken up- it will only drag out the heartache and you will have to "break up" with him all over again if you don't cut all the cords. I learned the hard way! Let it be final- it will be a lot easier on you that way)
I still love my ex...it's hard not too, there were many good things about him, and we had a lot of wonderful memories we shared. I still care about him and hope that he is doing well in his life and he is happy- however, i do not EVER want him back. I love him- there is always going to be a spot in my heart for him , however i am not "in love" with him. Now that i'm out of that "honeymoon" phase- i see just how bad he was to me- how many times he lied, the excuses, the other women i'm definite he cheated with, I didn't deserve to be treated that way. I do NOT miss him! I do not miss the heartache, i do not miss the pain he put me through, i do not miss the hurt, i do not miss any of the negative aspects from that relationship and how i was treated. It takes a while to get to that point- but it will happen
I can't tell you how thankfully i am that i've moved on - had i stayed with my ex, i know i would have wound up married to an unfaithful husband who would have run around on my- it would have been much worse if we would have had kids and then wound up divorced or something else. I didn't think about those things when i kept running back to him....now that i've wisened up a bit- i am thankfull i didn't stay with him- i would have been in for a very long, miserable life
Once I ended it with my ex, i wound up finding the man of my dreams a short while later. I couldn't ask for a better man.
(And no matter how tempting it may be - do NOT, i repeat, do NOT hook up with your ex after you've broken up- it will only drag out the heartache and you will have to "break up" with him all over again if you don't cut all the cords. I learned the hard way! Let it be final- it will be a lot easier on you that way)
Wow, that really sucks and I'm sorry that it happened
If he's telling you two different stories, at the age of 31, then I'd show him the door and change the locks on it. Once you lose that trust, it's VERY VERY hard to gain it back. It doesn't happen in two weeks or three weeks...if it did, you're just kidding yourself.
Truly regaining trust takes MONTHS somethings a year or two and even then there's still some form of resentment.
Really sweetie, in my opinion you deserve better.
