UGH! Teenagers! (a rant)

My daughter worked until 5 pm last night, and told me she would call me to let me know if she made plans with her gf, otherwise she'd be home by 5:30. I hadn't heard from her by 8 pm, so I called her cell and got voicemail. I thought "OK, they asked her to work late." (she never has her phone on at work) Another call at 9 pm, another voicemail. It got later and later, and I was getting more and more angry/worried--I honestly don't know which was worse. At 11:30 she tried to sneak ever so quietly in the front door. I asked her where she'd been; she'd been hanging out with a gf, and for 6 1/2 hours had forgotten she was supposed to call home! I told her "you are so grounded", to which she replied "I figured that." I said, "6 hours late; how many days are you going to be grounded?" With a look of disbelief on her face, she all but squealed "6?!" DH says if she ever pulls anything like this again, she'll loose her car keys for a week; I thought she was going to faint!

Honestly, if she'd come home without the attitude it would have made a whole lot of difference. She's usually one of those kids that calls if she's going to be 15 minutes late. Not calling for over 6 hours is totally out of character for her, and I don't think I believe that she "just forgot".

The later it got the more I was worried that something had happened to her. Earlier this year I'd posted about her then-bf who had an anger problem and had "to hit things when he got mad". She actually went out with him a few times this fall before she broke it off again. He was all I could think of last night. Well, not just him; also the 30 y/o manager that began calling her last month (boy, did that creep me out!) I understand he's not an issue anymore, but I was thinking of all kinds of horrible things.

I know teenagers can be inconsiderate and careless, but this is so unlike her that I don't know what to make of it. I think I just needed to get this all out of my system before my head explodes.

I think you and your DH did the right thing. For all you knew, she could've been in an accident or worse. Making parents worry, tsk tsk. I learned my lesson from my Dad when I was grounded for a week when I was a kid.

I don't envy you at all. Good idea on grounding her a day for every hour she didn't contact you.

Hopefully she'll remember to call next time

There is nothing worse than not knowing. I would be fuming too

I think you are being completely reasonable in grounding her. Explain to her how much you worry about her and why it's so important that she calls you. It's not because you don't trust her, but you want to make sure she is ok.

How old is she? Just wondering.

Out of curiosity...how is it you have the power to ground her, if she works and owns her own car? Does she pay rent? I assume being able to work and drive you would consider her an adult.

I'm just a little miffed.

I can understand you being worried.

DD is 18 y/o, still in high school. She drives the car we bought, we pay the insurance, we split repair costs, and she buys the gas. She works at the job I got her (her boss is an old friend of mine). I give her money to buy her supper when she's working. I do her laundry; I've showed her how to do it at least half a dozen times, but for some reason she just can't figure it out. Huh. She carries the cell phone we bought. She doesn't pay rent; she's expected to clean the litter box, take out the garbage, and if she eats at home she's to do the dishes. Sounds like a pretty sweet deal to me.

As my Dad told me when I turned 18--"as long as you're living in my house, you'll abide by my rules." My rule was "call me so I know where you're going to be". DH and I are only asking her to be responsible. I was so worried by the time she got home that after I grounded her I went to bed and just cried.

Let her know how worried you were. Let her see the tears. If she gets how upset you are hopefully she won't do something like this again.

I am so not looking forward to the teenage years. I am already worrying and my boys are both under 3!

Oh my gosh, yeah I remember the days when I was an inconsiderate brat I wish I had you for a mom though!!! I used to get grounded per minute because my step dad was a jack I was never more than 10 minutes late and he still would ground me. I just couldn't believe that.

I do understand how worried you are and I don't know how to make a teenager understand that. Maybe you could tell her you were going to be home at a certain time on a terribly snowing/icey night and not show up for 6 hours or answer your phone. I know it's evil, but I would almost consider it.

I think you handled it perfectly. I have always been a big believer in "my house, my rules." Though I must confess I was a wild child and did pretty much what I wanted. It drove my parents nuts, and after I had my daughter, I understood a lot of things. We talked about this before she ever started going out with her friends, so she knew what consequences would be and she could choose them. Even if she would have been doing something wrong, if she could call me, and she would not get in nearly as much trouble.
She was always pretty good about calling or even having me come get her if the people she was out with were not ready to leave. As long as she let me know she was safe, I was more lenient about curfew. There were many times I took several of her friends home as well, and even spoke to their parents on their behalf if it was a good reason, an actual car breakdown, the one who drove would not leave, etc.