Grandfather in-law sick

A week ago DHs grandma found his grandpa slumped in his chair and looking gray. He went to the hospital and the doctors said he had a bad bladder infection with a fever. They also thought he had a stroke. They did an MRI and he didn't have a stroke but he's not doing well. He can't swallow anything and his mind is going. The docs think that the fever messed up his brain. He wants to go home but the docs said if he goes home he'll die. The only thing they can do is get him well enough to go to a nursing home. Nobody wants him to die but he's just so old and falling apart. A part of us just wishes he'd let go. DH and I are going to see him tomorrow and I'm scared. I don't want to see him like this.

I understand not wanting to see him this way... I went through it with my maternal grandmother at the end. It's very hard.

But you'll feel better if you go and let him see that you care for him. Talk about good times he'll remember, try to make him laugh. Just hold yourself together while you're with him... and then you can break down outside.

I'm so sorry this is happening... many good hopes coming to your family.

Went to see him today. He was sleeping when we got there and woke up and was putting up a fight because he wants to come home.(Who could blame the poor man) The nurse gave him something to relax him and he fell asleep again. He'll probably be in nursing home by next week which isn't going to go well because he doesn't want to be in a home. There is no choice though because he can't have anything by mouth and he's so stubborn that he'd try and eat at home. Nobody in the family can watch him 24-7 like he needs. Tomorrow they're going to put a feeding tube in his stomach. He will go through rehab at the nursing home to try and get his throat to work but it doesn't look good. Why does this happen during the holidays.

for your family

Sending good wishes to yourself and your family.

I'm very sorry to hear that. It's a horrible thing to go through; if only we could all go peacefully in our sleep with no suffering.

Originally Posted by luvmycat1

Went to see him today. He was sleeping when we got there and woke up and was putting up a fight because he wants to come home.(Who could blame the poor man) The nurse gave him something to relax him and he fell asleep again. He'll probably be in nursing home by next week which isn't going to go well because he doesn't want to be in a home. There is no choice though because he can't have anything by mouth and he's so stubborn that he'd try and eat at home. Nobody in the family can watch him 24-7 like he needs. Tomorrow they're going to put a feeding tube in his stomach. He will go through rehab at the nursing home to try and get his throat to work but it doesn't look good. Why does this happen during the holidays.

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luvmycat1,
it is a bad situation,but is something unfortunately many people are going to go through,if he starts to forget family etc,stay strong and remember it not his fault or anyone elses,everyone gets older in one way or another and some
[like own grandad] get it worse than others.

Also,don't understand why when a person gets' to an old age they suddenly become worthy of being treated like rubbish,they are treated like second class citizens.
No way should he be recieving "chemical restraints" for something he was feeling,if this had happened in the residential home am live in [for young adults],the staff wouldn't be working there any longer,they use physical restraint so 'inside' can get out and not just be hidden by sedatives-the elderly deserve more than to be sedated when they have to get something out,regardless of mental capacity.

How is he [grandad] doing now? has he got new place yet?

Originally Posted by MowWuck

How is he [grandad] doing now? has he got new place yet?

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He didn't get his feeding tube today but they are going to give him an MRI. DHs aunt checked out a home yesterday and said it was really nice so the family will probably check him in there. It doesn't matter how nice the home is though, grandpa will not like it a bit.

If your grandad is anything like my father, it might be helpful to do some reverse psychology regarding the nursing home. Instead of trying to point out to him how nice it is, just agree with him -- yes, it's terrible, but there's no other choice right now. That approach may help to...

1. Defuse the situation. If you don't put up an argument, he can stop trying to convince you and relax a bit.

2. Convince him that you aren't taking this step lightly, and you are not the enemy.

3. Allow the natural contrarian tendency of the elderly to eventually turn him into an advocate for the place (assuming it really is a good home). With any luck, he may start telling you that you're wrong, it's a wonderful place!

I hope he recovers his ability to eat... I'll be thinking good thoughts for him.