I would not think it was possible for a cat rescuer to consider abandoning their own

but I'm about this close <_> Of course we never would but we are really running out of patience.

We have 3 amazing cats and have fostered a bunch more. But Max is the most unhappy cat I have ever, ever seen. Even the feral ones we have rescued we have managed to 'break'. I got Max and his sister Ginger when they were about 8 weeks old (rescued). Ginger is a love mush but Max never, never wanted anything to do with us. Except at night when he becomes a bundle of love. But you cant really look at him when he is kneading me in bed, otherwise he will run away. Otherwise he spends his whole day sleeping in one spot, sneaking for food. If you see him eat he will run as well.

If the cat social service came to our house we would be thrown in cat-jail for apparent cat abuse.

He has always been 'difficult' with regard to not going to the bathroom in the litter box. We always know when we come back from a weekend trip that he will defecate on the couch or right on our bed. But tonight he decided to defecate on the bed for no apparent reason. As 'shy' as he is, he is also that smart. He know what he did. But it's the why we can't figure out.

He has always been like this so it's not something new but it's getting worse.

We have moved a few time but that was almost a year ago and actually when we get to the new place he has more energy checking things out and playing. But then it's back to himself.

The last move was overseas so we did get him something to calm him down for the trip. We did a trial run with the meds before the actually flight just to make sure and guess what...he was the most loving he had ever been. Sat on my lap for the first time in 8 years.

So, looks like we need to see a vet about meds. Don't see any other option. We are not people to run to medicate a problem but don't see any other option. Other then putting him in a shelter for a few days to see how bad life can really be

I have a number of cats and each has his/her own personality. I've rescued kittens less than 8 weeks old and even though they have not been exposed to abuse and given more TLC than necessary one or two grow up to be very shy, or cold or extremely notorious. I do not know the reason for the difference, but it could just be that they were born that way just like humans with behavior disorders due to some defect in the brain or something.
Bless you for not giving up on Max. It sounds like he gets more stressed out than the average cat. Sending Max calming vibes.

WhiteCatLover has had some good results with antidepressants with one of her cats - can you PM? Maybe you could check that out.

Do the meds. It's better than the alternative, isn't it?

It's also possible this doesn't have to be a long term thing. The meds can calm him down and let him learn to handle his emotions, and possibly he could be weaned off them if those new habits stick.

Best of luck! It's tough to come to this decision, but it sounds like you are not doing it lightly. And that bed behavior? Could be a cry for help. Emotional help is just as important as physical help.

i was just wondering id he was spayed my male cat used to go bonkers, chasing cats around...stealing bread!!! lol, and peeing all over .....after he was spayed he calmed down a LOT!! but the moves and changes may be affecting his mood ..i wish you luck and your good for trying to find a way to resolve the problems also are the other cats spayed too because some times a mix of spayed and unspayed make a change in behavior..
Goood luck!!!!

How often do you foster and could the presence of other cats be stressing him out? I also have shy cats that live with me and honestly, I often wonder if they would be better off in a house with fewer cats. I know that part of the reason they keep to themselves is because of all the other cats in the house. You do your cats wrong when you stop thinking about what is best for their welfare.

So I guess that I don't get your statement about a cat rescuer abandoning their own cats. If you have worked through all means to better the quality of life for your baby, then consider rehoming. But it does sound like meds might just help your baby.

How often do you foster and could the presence of other cats be stressing him out?

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The number one reason for me to rehome one of my bunch was when I thought the cat would be better off.

This actually worked out for me, as I found the rowdy, lively ones fitted right in and were so happy in our place, while the quiet cats could be found homes that would celebrate them as the Only Cat and give them all the attention they had trouble asserting themselves to get at my house. I would do a little tour a couple of times a day, pulling the quiet ones out of their shell, giving them individual attention as I did all the cats. But they would miss out on the group activities, and tend to have to be sought out.

Some cats, like Puffy, didn't need too much individual attention anyway. They were perfectly happy tooling along their own paths and enjoying my daily visits, and the other cats left them alone because there were so many other cats to play with. But there were obvious loners who were unhappy about it.

In a lovely Karmic way, these are the easiest cats to place with shut ins, the elderly, the disabled of one kind or another. I've found so many people in this situation would love to have a fixed, trained, quiet cat who will be their companion in a home with too few of them. Here the cat can bloom, secure and loved, and bring joy to the lives of people who need it.

It's far more difficult to place a cat who is into everything and thrills to cat companionship. These were the ones who had their best place with me, and took to newcomers as a chance to apply their Mentoring skills. They love being in a multi-cat home, and are assets to the multi-cat home.

Sometimes we aren't a certain cat's destination. Sometimes we are a way station that gets them there.