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Good comebacks

post #1 of 22
Thread Starter 
Caught for speeding

The cop got out of his car and the kid he had stopped for
speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for
you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Well I got here
as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing,
he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

Stuck under a bridge

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign
comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows
it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under
the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police
car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks
around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and
says, Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was
delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

Don't mess with these ladies

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to
check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her
hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat and
flashed her.
Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your
ticket, not your stub."

Let's go for stupid

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery
store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She
asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Too Late

The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car
parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along,
he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here
at 2 A.M.?" asked the officer.
"I'm going to a lecture." the man said.
"And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked.
"My wife," said the man.
post #2 of 22
post #3 of 22
Good Ones!
post #4 of 22
I would never get out of a ticket, I would at least get a warning. I just don't have a happy face, and I couldn't do the whole fake tears thing that some women can pull off.

I always look angry, specially in situations where I'm pulled over.
post #5 of 22
I couldn't do the whole fake tears thing that some women can pull off.
I've never been able to pull that off either -- I've almost always been pulled over by lady cops!
post #6 of 22
A lady cop?! So they do exist, I've never seen one in real life.

I just gave up trying to be nice etc etc, I just go along with it.. yes sir, no I do not know why I was pulled over, ok sir.
I was pulled over a few months back for something that wasn't my fault and something I knew nothing about and ticketed *sigh*. I'm not too keen on my local police. =p
post #7 of 22
Love those!

post #8 of 22
Love the bridge one!

post #9 of 22
That reminds me of one of my favorite jokes...

One evening, a police officer pulls a man over for speeding. The officer says "It's been a long day, I'm very tired and all I want to do is go home. If you can give me a good excuse for why you were speeding, I'll let you go." The man thinks for a moment, then says "My wife ran away with a police officer. I thought you were chasing me to give her back." The officer let him go.

I can't do the fake tears thing either. I just say "Yes, I was speeding. Let's get this over with so we can both go on our ways." Although the last time I got a ticket I made the officer laugh by saying "Well, this isn't the right thing to say, but thank you and have a nice day."
post #10 of 22
One thing I've been told is to always ask to see the radar gun, or whatever they used to catch you. If they have no proof, they cannot ticket you. Not sure if it's true or not, but might help you in traffic court. Also, when in court, ask for papers showing the last time the radar gun was calibrated/certified.

I've never had a ticket, only time I've EVER been pulled over was for going the wrong way down a one way street (the street HAD been two way, and nothing marked the change to one-way, no signs or painted arrows), and I was already upset because I was completely lost and couldn't figure out how to get home!
post #11 of 22
I don't know if it's like this anywhere else, but in Nebraska if you are pulled over for speeding...never ask how fast you were going. It's a requirement for them to give you a ticket if you ask to see the radar or if you just ask them in general (this is if you were actually going over the speed limit). My Ex's cousin is a cop and he told us about this. I'm sure a lot of people ask how fast they were going and it's a really dumb rule that they MUST ticket you. But...I guess they only look at how much money they are raking in and the cops get brownie points for catching more people.
post #12 of 22
Myste: You sound a lot like me.

I've done a lot of my driving in the DC area, and a lot in Maine. Now these are 2 VERY DIFFERENT traffic patterns. I have gone down 1 way streets about 2 or 3 times.
I have stopped at a red light on the WRONG SIDE OF A ONE WAY STREET, while everyone sat at their green lights looking at me not knowing what to do... everyone sat through their green lights until mine turned from red to green, and everyone let me go first.. *sigh*.

I accidently drove my way into the Pentagon parking lot, not long after 9/11 I was so scared I started to cry. I was convinced that I was going to get shot by one of the armed gaurds. I grew up next to an airport/army base that has fence's with signs that say "trespassers will be shot on site."
Always made me a little paranoid there after.
post #13 of 22
Jeez, AngelzOO that sounds absolutely horrible! I would have cried too!

Shell, I've never heard of that rule before. But it sounds right. and the brownie point thing is something that we can sort of tell when it gets to the end of the month. 'they' get more aggressive with their pulling people over and giving tickets.
post #14 of 22
A Highway Patrolman pulls a woman over. As he approaches her vehicle, she says, "I don't suppose you're going to try to sell me tickets, for the Highway Patrolmen's Ball."

His reply, "Ma'am, Highway Patrolmen don't have balls."

She merely smiles. The patrolman closes his ticket book and returns to his car.

post #15 of 22
Originally posted by Myste
I've never had a ticket, only time I've EVER been pulled over was for going the wrong way down a one way street (the street HAD been two way, and nothing marked the change to one-way, no signs or painted arrows), and I was already upset because I was completely lost and couldn't figure out how to get home!
I got pulled over for the same thing in Washington DC. It was about 2:00 a.m. and I was VERY lost. The officer noticed that I had Florida tags on my car and asked where I was trying to go. I said Waldorf, Maryland and after a huge sigh, he said, "Lady, you'll never get there from here. So follow me and I'll take you to your exit." So, I got a police escort all the way from downtown Washington DC onto the beltway and to my exit to Waldorf! :laughing: :laughing:
post #16 of 22
OMg! Not fair, where was my escort all those times! hahah.
My license plates say Maine on them =p That's far enough away.

I drove around DC for well over an hour once.. with no chance of escape I hadn't the faintest idea where I was, or how to get out, it was HORRIBLE!!!

I've lived in the DC metro area for about 3 years... but the logic still boggles my mind.. sometimes you have to take 95 SOUTH!! to get to maryland... but but... maryland is up north!!! *crys*
post #17 of 22
I lived in metro DC for about 4 years. I learned to NEVER drive in DC because I always got hopelessly lost every time I tried to drive in the city.

I also remember taking the beltway in the logical direction (exit labled north to go north) but after about 10 miles realized that I needed to go south to go north. So confusing! But, I loved living in the DC area. So much to do and so many events happening. Even though I was very poor there was always something fun to do in town that didn't cost more than the metro fare to get there!
post #18 of 22
Thread Starter 
The last time I was in DC, I took the subway. It is way too confusing, and parking is impossible to find. Once, I was trying to cross the city to get to a restaurant by the Potomac. I could clearly see the restaurant, but no way to get to it, as I drove by and continued into Virginia. Somehow I found my way back, I'll never know how.
post #19 of 22
I was about 19, had taken my mother's car without permission, and gone to a bar. (the drinking age was 18 way back then) I got pulled over by a motorcycle cop. I jumped out of the car, and before the officer could say a word, I said "Good evening officer, that sure is a nice bike. Can you take me for a ride?" He looked at me like I was nuts, and said in a very businesslike tone, "no, ma'am I cannot take you for a ride." I said "Oh, come on, just around the block. Please." He started stuttering something about not having a backseat, and looking real nervous. We went back and forth like that for a few minutes, and finally I told him, "Well, if you aren't going to take me for a ride, I'm going home." Got in my car, and drove off. I watched him in my rearview mirror, and he looked really confused. I was 100 yards from the state line, so I went for it. I made it! I got home, and my mom never knew I had taken her car, and I didn't get the DUI that I really should have. Talk about young and foolish!
post #20 of 22
Oh Brenda those were good!!!!
post #21 of 22
oh krazy kat2, that's hilarious! So brave! I guess courage in a shot is really true then eh? LOL

Brenda, those are truly funny.
post #22 of 22
DC is really confusing! My mother and I went there once. It took us all day to find our hotel! I think the reason they make it so confusing is if anyone tried to attack us they would just get lost and eventually give up!
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