hello and help!

What a great site - I wish I'd discovered it earlier. I'm searching for information but not finding out all I want to know, so I thought I'd come here and ask the experts - help!

I have a 3-year-old cat called Buster (she was supposedly a boy when we first met and the name just stuck). She is timid to say the least, only goes outside if I go with her and runs to hide when people come to visit (although sometimes she surprises us and gets smoochy with a stranger). She is a totally loving and beautiful lap cat with plenty of character and I've been thinking for a long while that a companion cat may help her come out of her shell and be a little more active, as she's also a bit tubby, but on a top-quality "light" cat food. I finally decided to get her a little boy companion, Maestro, 10 days ago. We've been doing the separate rooms thing and they are now spending periods of time together each day under supervision, although Buster always hisses when Maestro gets too close. They are even eating in the same room, but I've noticed Buster becoming very reclusive. She retreats to the bedroom, to her basket on top of the wardrobe, and just sleeps and sleeps, and today she wasn't even interested in coming down for dinner. This is totally out of character for her, she normally comes running, and I'm sure she's feeling depressed. She won't come and relax on the couch with us if the kitten is remotely nearby, and tonight we found her sitting watching as he was eating her dinner!

I really want her to stick up for herself and I'm worried now that Meastro is going to trample her spirit and make her even more timid. Surely a 3-month old neutered male won't dominate her? I thought they were supposed to be the bottom of the social order in cats.

I know it's all supposed to take time but have I done the wrong thing by Buster? Above all I just want her to be happy and secure. Any advice would be very very welcome...thanks!

Stephigee, welcome! I noticed that you are from NZ - I am a misplaced kiwi stuck in North Carolina. Hopefully I will be back home in about a year or before that.
You will get lots of great advice from people here, there are some great people and they will know what to do.

Whereabouts in NZ are you? I hail from Christchurch. I am so happy to see a fellow kiwi here.

Stepighee,

Welcome! I am going to move this to Behavior for you. Chances are your little one is not depressed, but stressed out with the new addition to her enviornment. If she is not eating or using her litterbox then take her in to see the vet. If the two cats are not actively fighting, this is a good thing and they will adjust to each other, it just takes time.

Try making Buster the queen of the household by ALWAYS greeting her first when you come into a room. Always pet her first, feed her first, etc. AND, make sure you give her extra petting, extra loving and extra sweet talk whenever she is in the same room as the kitten. Eventually she will come to associate the kitten with good things (extra attention) and will become more comfortable.

I don't know if it is available there, but I used Feliway plug in when I introduced a new kitten to my cat. They were good friends within four days. Sally is only 2 years old and so may be more adaptable, but they are good buddies now. I left the plug in on, just in case it is influencing their behavior still. Becky

Just once for the ignorant cat-lover down under - what's a Feliway plug?

Feliway is the pheromone that cats produce in their faces when they rub on things. It is a calming hormone. Their site is: http://www.feliway.com/html2/shop.php3/index.html
I used it to calm Zacky and Sally during their introduction. The plug in form is constantly released into the air and they also have a spray version. Becky

We had a similar problem with our first two cats. The older and bigger one who was there first seemed to be almost bullied by a teenee tinie kitten... He would just sit and watch her eat his food too.

So long as your first cat still feels like 'FIRST CAT' you shouldn't have to worry.

What we did with our two was to get them to play with a common toy that you... Something dangling on the end of a stick is a good place to start. You can try a cat nip toy which your older cat will like, the younger one probably isn't responding to cat nip yet so it won't make a difference to him anyway. Just make sure it's not an all out race around the room play session. The idea is to get your older cat relaxed when the kitten is around.