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question ???

post #1 of 7
Thread Starter 
Ok, everyone I need some advice about relationships. I've been getting to know this guy through a match making site. He asked me how I was doing & as some of you may know my cat has CRF & had a bad day this week. Well I basicly sad that it has been a tough week & that my cat was not doing well so I was sad. I left it at that because I don't really know this guy & I wasn't sure how he felt about animals. Let me say here that in my personality profile I have made it clear how much I love animals. His response to me was basicly I've had a few anmials & I was always sorry to see them die, but "it's part of life." Then at the end of the letter he said he'd say a prayer for my cat. I guess my question is how would you inturpret this? My first reaction was basicly that I wasn't intrested in him anymore, but then when I thought about it I realized that even my mother has said things like she knows how sad I am, but that we all die. (which by the way I know. I don't know much but I like to think that this fact has not escaped my attention). So then I was thinking that basicly he just has not had a close relationship with any animals so he doesn't understand the connection I have with my baby kitty. Which brings up my second question, as animal people would you continue getting to know someone who possibly would never understand your love for animals??
post #2 of 7
First of all, I'm sorry to hear about your cat. If this guy seems nice, why not keep in touch with him? As several members here will tell you, non-animal lovers can become animal lovers. My uncle used to hate cats, now he and his wife have 6 inside and a few outside. He is very attached to one of them. So give the guy a chance, not many people would offer to pray for a cat, after all.
post #3 of 7
Well, I think you pretty much hit it on the nail yourself, and from here on it's a personal preference really.

I've pretty much been with the same guy for about the past 3 years (which is about the same time when I started to REALLY get into animals, more then just having a few around the house that come and go as they please.)

My fiance is not a big animal person, but after talking with him for 3 years and he knows how almost obsessed I am with animal affairs he has started to understand, and even start to show a kinder side. 3 years ago Kirt really could have cared less about some stray cat, sure he would have said "I feel bad, but there is nothing I can do." Now adays, when he see's one he tells me all about it he asks me for cat food so we can feed the poor things and he tries to convince him to do something for the cat (aka a new home) if indeed it is a stray!
He's only really had dogs, and a few ferrets, he's pretty close to them, but not like how myself and a lot of other people here are with ours! But he has gotten closer to our cats, indeed he had never met one's quiet like mine... you know ones that were actually FRIENDS, and not just furry vermin you feed when they feel like coming indoors.

Personally, if right now I was single, I would probably aim more so for a person who also loved animals as much as I do, or at least one that was willing to learn about it all.

If you start with a guy that is not as willing or unwilling to acept how you feel about animals and you have conflicting views, it could lead to turmoil. It would most likely wind up as one of those relationship where the guy says "It's either me or the cats, which one are you gonna pick!?"

Good luck! Remember there are other fish in the sea, and it's alright to just remain friends and not lovers with everyone, lol
post #4 of 7
I know where you are coming from. My boyfriend and I has split up back in May and turned to online matchmaking. I met a few great guys on there, but none of them had that "spark". Well, I had been chatting with a guy for a couple of weeks and we started talking about pets & etc. He said point blank that he hated cats, but he loved dogs...he even suggested that I lock my cats in a room if he happen to come over! Well..after that conversation, I told him that I could not date someone who hates cats and I would most certainly NOT lock my babies in a room if he would come over...and then preceded to tell him that it was nice meeting him & I was sure he'd find the right woman for him. End of conversation...and I never heard back from him again. It was no love loss for me...I feel that if you want to possibly be part of my life then you need to accept all aspects of it...including my furry kids!

If I were in your shoes, I would still chat with him & just ask him about his thoughts about cats. You should be able to figure out if he was serious about his statement or if it was just a figure of speech. First and foremost, listen to what your gut is telling you. If you don't think this guy could love your kitty, then don't proceed with the relationship...but if you think that deep down he didn't realize that his words had bothered you, give it a try. You know...You don't have to marry the guy or anything! LOL!
I hope this helps you...I'm sorry if I not much help, but I thought I'd let you know what I thought.
Just my two cents...
post #5 of 7
I just have to say this. Men can be changed! My first husband hated animals to the point of being cruel. He never let me find this out until we where already married. As soon as we where married and living together I brought up the subject of getting a pet. Thats when I found out his family had kept large numbers of animlas and their house was very yucky because of it and thats when I found out he thought he hated animals.
Of course the next stray kitty that came along was invited in and he fell in love with him. When he saw how clean animals can be he really enjoyed the cat. We went on to own many animals and even rescue animals to adopt out. He loves animals to this day.
And it could be that your male friend just didnt know what yo say. Sometimes men have a hard time with the mushy stuff. It sounds like he tried at least to address the subject and maybe he meant what he said in a comforting way. I would check him out some more before totally writing him off.
Denise Russell
Denise Russell
post #6 of 7
"His response to me was basicly I've had a few anmials & I was always sorry to see them die, but "it's part of life."

Maybe he's just a realist and was stating the basics. As Denise said, many guys have a very hard time addressing the emotional side of the issue. Also, he doesn't know you that well so he's not going to pour his heart out to you.

I think actions speak louder than words. I would rather judge him on how he reacts to animals on a daily basis, rather than on a few maybe poorly chosen words.

Just my view.

post #7 of 7
I had a hard and fast rule: the kids, cats and me - we're a package deal. Any man, unwilling to deal with that, wasn't worth my time.

The kids aren't an issue, any more but, Bill is a bigger softie, than I am, with pets.
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