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State help for those who need it..but don't get it

post #1 of 13
Thread Starter 
Was unsure how to word this thread title. And what I wrote above is the best I could come up with.

I am writing this because he lately there has been a bit of talk on the board about welfare and who gets it and who can't get it. There is a girl a few years younger then me I have befriended and trying to help. She is a single mother of 3 in a small town. She recently has gotten custody back of her kids. I have no idea why they were taken in the first place but I know that right now she is doing everything she can for her kids. When the kids were taken by the state the grandma from the father's side had custody when grandma had to give the kids back to her she refused to allow the kids to take any toys or clothes with them. I have given them toys and clothes from my house to help the. I do this because I know the mother is doing her best. Her boys are 2yr old, 5yrs old and I think 6 years old.

Now about the state help issue. She works at a local sandwich shop in this small town. If she is lucky she gets 6 hours a day. Lately it seems to be closer to 4-5 hours a day. She brings home 100-150 a week roughly before taxes. She has gone to the state for some help. But all they will help with is a little bit of food stamps and some medical for the kids. But they won't help with anything else. No help with rent or anything. And this is a mother that is trying so hard to keep her head above water. But its a losing battle. Rent is 250 (she lives in my old trailer so I know this as fact), 200 car payment on an older car so she can go to work, plus a light bill that is high for that trailer (which like I said I used to live there I know electric is high in that home). Thats not even adding in the gas for her to get to work and back. We 12 miles out side of town so we pay a pretty penny getting back and to from town.

I feel so bad for this girl. She is doing everything she can but with so little help. I have told her of places I knew were looking for help to try and get her a better paying job or a second job.

I don't understand with what little money she brings in why she can't get more help. She is trying its not like she is looking a free ride.

And just for the record no she will no be bringing anymore kids into this she had her tubes tied after her last child was born. And all the babes have the same dad they were together but are not now.
post #2 of 13
that is something really bugs me. People that need help cant or have tons of problem getting it, how we give away money to countrys overseas, or to those that are not american.

Should we not take care of are own people first?
post #3 of 13
I would imagine that she is entitled to some kind of money from the childrens' father and the state considers that money when working out what she is entitled to from the state.
post #4 of 13
Ping, that is AWFUL, just awful. I'm speechless.
post #5 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by icklemiss21 View Post
I would imagine that she is entitled to some kind of money from the childrens' father and the state considers that money when working out what she is entitled to from the state.
actually they don't, child support in the US is not considered income. We have something called Section 8 in Ohio that helps those with a low-income with rent, but you have to live in section 8 housing, do you have something like that where you live?

also, along Eithne's line of thought, is she collecting child support? she needs to get in touch with children's services because she should be, they can garnish his paycheck to get the money
post #6 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by katiemae1277 View Post
actually they don't, child support in the US is not considered income. We have something called Section 8 in Ohio that helps those with a low-income with rent, but you have to live in section 8 housing, do you have something like that where you live?

also, along Eithne's line of thought, is she collecting child support? she needs to get in touch with children's services because she should be, they can garnish his paycheck to get the money
Not true, it may be a state-to-state thing. Child support is most definitely considered income in Massachusetts, if it is given directly to the custodial parent by the non-custodial parent.

If the custodial parent is already on government assistance, then it is considered a subsidy, and is collected by the DOR and then distributed to the custodial parent.

Regardless, why does this woman not receive child support for her three children?

Why has she not gone to the court that reawarded her custody to complain that the children's toys and clothing were not given to her?

Is she crafty? Can she do something at home to add to her income, something she can sell? Can she do housekeeping for people? She really needs to find a full-time job, that part time stuff will NEVER cut it.

Why does she need to get state assistance if she can work?

I ask these questions being someone who spent 10 years on the welfare system. I'm not heartless, by any means, rather, I did what I had to do to get an education so that I could support myself and my child, and I never got a penny in child support.

It is a fact that welfare reform happened, and if you are able-bodied, you must go to work. It seems to me that there is much about this situation that is left unsaid here.

Where there is a will, there is always a way. How motivated is she to actually help herself, or is she waiting for a miracle to happen so she can continue to be a part-timer yet raise three children alone?
post #7 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by katiemae1277 View Post
actually they don't, child support in the US is not considered income.
It isn't considered as income but is taken into consideration when deciding if you get free money from the government, otherwise every stay at home mom would get government money while still collecting support from their ex'es
post #8 of 13
Thread Starter 
Well I don't have the answer to all the questions asked. Child support I have not asked about at this point nor has she told me much about that. I don't know how the state handles child support and public assistance. I know that she has a lot of pride and stops her from asking for a lot of things. Like the stuff I gave her she n ever asked for I just bagged up what I could and took it to here.

As for section 8. We are a small town and even if we do have it there would not be much choice as to actually getting a place that accepts it. The most we have is state housing (the projects) and I hate to her to take her boys to live there. Which is what she is thinking of doing. That place is in the paper very week for robberies, fights, drugs, just its bad.

AS for the job she has applied to different places but not a lot of places are hiring right. In fact even Wal-Mart is cutting back on people. This is the one place that did call her back. Tho I have given her ideas on where she can get a second night job to help with the bills. I have even offered to help her watch her boys so she can do that. They get along well with my boys.

Ginger she actively trying to change things but in this town thats hard to do. There are only so many jobs here with a bunch of people begging to get that one opening. The closest places withmore jobs in 1-2 hours away and with the gas prices today that would be hard on anyone.
post #9 of 13
I feel for her, too. I know of a woman who received no child support, and worked 2 jobs. She had no car for 2 years and she received no subsidized childcare because it wasn't available at the time. There was no public transportation, so much of the time she either walked with the laundry in a backpack to the laundromat in summer and in winter, did it in the bathtub. Her daughter is physically disabled so the lady had to carry her to & from the busstop and Brownie meetings during the winter. She did her best, but the older daughter missed out from having her mom absent so much, not to mention that childcare was $10/hr. in order to get qualified people to watch the younger child who had the problems.
I hope that others in your community will reach out to help that family.
As for child support, it seems to still be so easy for the dads to duck out of paying. They just take the lowest paying job they can find and then work under the table elsewhere - and so often they cite that the woman will just use the money on other boyfriends - I just wanna barf when I hear that excuse!!!!
post #10 of 13
Doesn't she have family Ping.

And she better throw her pride out the window my friend. You can't eat pride.
post #11 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by ckblv View Post
Doesn't she have family Ping.

And she better throw her pride out the window my friend. You can't eat pride.


I swallowed my pride BIG TIME to ask for the help I needed. You've heard the phrase: Pride goeth before a fall.

If she's too proud to beg for what she needs to care for her children, then no one is going to be able to help her.

Things are tough all over, not just in your town. My stepdad has been out of work for 4 years now, and because he's over 60 years old, no one will hire him. But he has found ways to earn some money, because he's motivated.

Ping, you're already going above and beyond for this woman, offering free child care. But you can't take on her burden as your own. It sounds to me like she needs to get into some counseling - is there a church she can go to for help?
post #12 of 13
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ckblv View Post
Doesn't she have family Ping.

And she better throw her pride out the window my friend. You can't eat pride.
Well her father lives right here by me as well. I don't know how much he makes or anything but I have seen him bum money so he must not make that much. But still overall a nice guy who helps her when he can.

Her mom I don't know about. She did live out here but ducked out a few months back.

Her sister stays with her. But she currently does not work and claims to have no gas money to get a job. Tho she has a boyfriend (the sister) so you would think she could get some gas money from him to get a job. I think the gas thing is just an excuse in her case.

No she can not sale anything because I have been down there she has nothing to sale. She has the bare bones of what is needed to get by. No extras and no luxuries.

And Ckblv I know what you mean about the pride issue. But I do you that if someone offers to help her she will accept. Its just hard for her to come out and say I need help. But from talking to her she seems to be getting to the point where she knows she is going to have to ask for help (IE getting housing help). But honestly there is just not much out here in the way of help for people.
post #13 of 13
People like that poor girl get no help because it is beng used up by deadbeats that sit on their butts and collect a check every month when they are not doing the only thing they seem able to do. Breed, again and again. It makes me sick to ride through the projects on the way to work and see Escalades and custom trucks, the kids that are dressed in anything but rags are all decked out like "little thugs." I have actually heard a girl say she wants to have a baby so she can dress it like a little gangsta. Like it was an accessory or something. When we ran the tattoo shop in a small town, you could always tell when it was the first because the cabs would pull up with several girls, kids in tow, with freshly done hair and nails, wanting a name or the cheapest thing they can find. We never allowed them in with kids because kids just don't belong there, and we did not want to be the ones to take the food out of some kid's mouth so mom could get everybody she has ever met's name tattooed on them. This went across all racial lines.
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