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I just don't understand people

post #1 of 41
Thread Starter 
I have always tried to be nice to everyone here, and friendly and I am always concerned about everyone's problems. You all are such good friends and I feel as if I really know most of you!
I have always felt free and even encouraged to vent about the things that were bothering me. And I didn't think I vented exessively and have even held alot of my problems inside, because I DIDN'T want to vent more than I should.
But tonight I found out that someone here has thought (since several months ago) that I talk about my problems way too much. I was wondering why this person never had much to say to me, and could not for the life of me think what I could have done to her, but now...I know. I will not say anything to her about this....there is no point. but it does hurt. Very much. I have listened to her vent and always lent an ear and tried to give advice or just say I felt bad for whatever she was going through.
I guess the reason I am posting this is just because I consider most of you friends, and I hope most of you do not share this opinion of me. I will try to not vent so much in the future. But thanks to those of you who have listened and cared!!!!!!!
post #2 of 41

For you, it is not concentrating on who you haven't connected with, it is concentrating on who you have. It is a given that everyone here does not get along with every single person who posts here. There are to many personalities, personal issues, cultures, lifestyles, and life experiences getting in the way.

You have been here from the beginning. You are one of Anne's first moderators, and you knew her before this board even formed to the community it is.

I remember when I first signed on here, you and I did not get along very well, but we worked through it and now I count you as one of my dear friends here.

You have a lot of personal issues working right now and that is where your attention should be, not on if someone over the Internet has decided you are not a worthy human being.

And about venting? Most of us vent here, it is allowable and acceptable. You never used to vent at all, just lately you have been having more than your share of a rough row to hoe.
post #3 of 41
Thread Starter 
Thanks MaryAnne!!! I too remember in the very beginning when you and I didn't see eye to eye on a few things, I can't even remember what they were now, but I do remember that it was mostly because of people who don't even belong to this board anymore who were planting seeds of distrust in both of us, just to cause trouble. Thank goodness we saw through all that and became the close friends we are today!!!! **HUGS**

I am going to go to bed now and try to get some sleep, you are right....I should not let one person bother me so badly and if someone has bad feelings towards me, then I am sorry they feel this way, and you are right MaryAnne, I should concentrate on the things in my life that really matter, not what one or two people think of me.
post #4 of 41
Oh, Debby...

You are the sweetest person I know and I can't imagine anyone thinking or saying anything bad about you. I would chalk it up to possible jealousy - or the fact that this person doesn't really know you like the rest of us do.

I have told you many times before - if it wasn't for you introducing me to this site, I don't know what we'd have done with our situation. I say, go ahead and vent to your heart's content! That's what we're here for and you've earned it tenfold.

You've been a great friend to me for a long time now - and I would help you out with your problems in any way necessary if at all possible! You have MANY friend here!!!

Love Ya'!
post #5 of 41
Debbie, I am sorry that you are having such a rough time. I can't imagine anyone not liking you. I've only been here a short time, but I think you are sweet and kind. You took the time to write back to me when I sent you a personal email, and you didn't even know me. God Bless you for being a kind person. If you feel you need to vent, send me an email. I've always got shoulders to cry on and ears to listen. Consider me one of your friends.
post #6 of 41
Debby - I'm so sorry to hear you are experiencing this. I'm very much of the opinion that if someone doesn't like something, they are free to walk away. The same goes for turning off a TV programme they don't like/are offended by or not reading something, whether in print or on the internet that they don't like.

If they chose to read it - they do of course have a right to disagree with it. HOWEVER (and I'm all for expressing opinions) - they do need to exercise discretion when passing their opinion to ensure they do not end up hurting anybody else by getting personal.

I too have been hurt by the thoughtless remarks of an individual. As a result, I don't feel as comfortable here as I used to, and therefore don't visit quite as often as I did (and for other reasons like being very busy - but this was a contributing factor).

Having said that - not everyone can get along with everyone else, but it does hurt when you realise you're never going to see eye-to-eye with someone, especially in a public arena such as this.

You have had your fair share of burdens and worries recently. I think its very nice that you feel secure enough and comfortable enough to bring your worries here. You KNOW that pretty well everyone here holds you in high regard. You've always got a sweet word to say to everyone, and are friendly and helpful in the extreme.

If someone has a problem with you (and this has been said before), it's THEIR problem. Make sure it stays that way. And make sure you stay as caring and sweet as always and don't let others' cynicism poison you.
post #7 of 41
Hi Debby,

You may be a prolific poster, but then I can name many others who are the same! Don't worry yourself over trivial matters, goodness knows you have enough to worry yourself with already!

You have been going through one of the most traumatic phases in your life, namely having a baby and then having to decide whether or not to go back to work. I know exactly where you're coming from there, as I had to leave my first child at 6 weeks old and my second at only 3 weeks to go back to work. It stinks!

If you have felt the need to vent, then by all means, do it on line, and get some internet hugs and support from people around the world who sympathise and help you along that rocky road.

Should that person think you vent too much, then all they have to do is just not read your posts - simple!

Lots of love n' hugs!

post #8 of 41
Hai Debby,
There is this beautiful expression that goes for you, but also for the person who has hurt you;

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.

-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad-

Now dear girly, stay as sweet as you are, don't allow anybody to hurt you, and keep going your own unique way in life. Your much stronger then you think!
post #9 of 41
If someone here doesn't like what you have to say, then they shouldn't be reading your threads. This is the internet, don't let the negative things that happen here get to you, just concentrate on the things that really matter instead. Vent anytime you need to, it isn't healthy to keep things bottled up inside and a lot of the people here are very supportive of you.
post #10 of 41
Oh Debby, you are one of the most wonderful people on this thread and we are all there for you when you need someone. We love you! I have vented on here myself and I think its healthy to vent. Otherwise we would go crazy if we kept things all to ourselves.

post #11 of 41
Solution for whomever is complaining....Don't read the posts!!! Lorie...that was bang on.

I mean, come on....it's just like TV. You don't like a certain program, skip to the next.

Saying this.....I am sure people must feel the same about me then because I post alot too. This is where I come to vent.

For me, I soooo look forward to reading your posts and am delighted when I see you have replied to mine. As well as tons of others....

Debby, if it wasn't for you here, some days would be waaaay too quiet.

Please continue to vent, to 'talk', to reply and to just be there for us and all of us that care for you will continue to be there for you in return.

Don't change a thing because if you do.....I for one will notice and miss the real you!!!
post #12 of 41
Debby, I have never known you to ever post anything that was mean or unjust. You don't just post negative things either. I've known you to give sound advice and support. You can please some people some of the time but you can't please everyone all the time. They shouldn't read posts that are about venting if they don't want to hear about it. Plain and simple.
post #13 of 41
We all blow off steam, here. If someone doesn't like what someone else posts, they shouldn't read that person's posts.

I don't agree with everyone, here and I'm sure that some people don't agree with me. That doesn't keep me away.

Don't let a few grumps, get to you. I like you and I don't like very many people.
post #14 of 41
I hope you do decide to continue venting here. I think it is perfectly fine. I enjoy reading all posts from everyone. Debby you are great and if we can help you by giving support please vent here.
I am sure that if someone doesnt like it they can just skip over your posts. I hope this person didnt tell you directly they didnt like your posts. I think everyone should be able to post what they feel.
Denise Russell
post #15 of 41
I'm so sorry someone did that to you, Debby. I guess there has to be a couple bad apples in every bushel...
I just want you to know that I read all your posts, and I find nothing wrong with venting, by you or anyone. I don't always reply to the posts because I usually don't have anything intelligent to say. Don't let that self-centered person bring you down...

post #16 of 41
That is absolutely ridiculous! We love reading your posts. Just because one person has to be mean spirited, doesn't meant you should listen to them.
May their cat yack up a big hairball on their pillow!
post #17 of 41
Debby- I am just repeating what the others have said, but one of the great things about this site is that we can share with each other the good and bad of our lives. The other great thing is that people may disagree about matters, but very rarely does it become personal. I am sorry some one has made it personal for you. I don't belive that you vent any more than anyone else and I don't believe that ANYONE vents too much. If anyone can't handle the venting there are plenty of other threads to enjoy.

HA! Now this is the ultimate vent!!! People venting about venting!!!

We're 110% behind you Debby!
post #18 of 41
Originally posted by Auburn412

HA! Now this is the ultimate vent!!! People venting about venting!!!

post #19 of 41
Debby, I am sorry to hear that someone doesn't like your posts. If they don't like your venting, they shouldn't read them then! Nobody is forced to read anything, and if for some reason they don't like you or your posts then they should choose to read something else then.

Don't ever doubt how much you are loved here, and how valuable your friendship is.
post #20 of 41
All of you have written such wonderful things to a person who is smarting about injustices right now. I came in this morning to read the replies to her and found myself laughing, agreeing and even getting mad in realizing that some of you have been hurt by others here.

I wonder if we take this world so intimately (some of us anyway) because it is right here in our personal space?

My computer is sitting in my living room by the big bay window and while I am here visiting and sharing with all of you, I usually have a cat or two in my lap, my coffee nearby, and my hubby is usually in the shop.

I am drawn into each of your lives every day, because you allow me the rare glimpse into your world. I cry when you lose your beloved pet, I worry when they are sick, I worry when you are sick, or you just feel like the world is out of balance. I laugh with you and celebrate and thank God that all of it is here to enjoy.

Someone very dear to me from this website told me something the other day, after I had been told some things about myself by another member. The words on the screen are just that, they are words, and if they are directed against you in anger, it is because the person who is typing them has the problem. It is not necessarily your problem, until they unload on you, then it does become your problem, if you let it.

So to all of you who have been hurt by someone here at one time or another, I just want to say that more than likely the problem comes from within the life and the heart of the one who has hurt you. And if at the end of the day, you can look into the mirror and know you are okay and your life is not a shambles, and your house is clean, your children safe and your cats are healthy and your S.O. is too- what more can you ask for?

We learn early on that words have the power to hurt. In elementary school, besides fists as weapons, words are hurled back and forth to bully others or make the bully feel better. I know that in the past, when I have become embroiled in dumb flame wars, while I am typing my anger, my fingers are shaking because I am so mad. That's when I know to quit and take a deep breath and walk away for awhile.

After being here for some time, I have seen the power that words have on the positive end of the spectrum. I have seen them teach people I thought would be lost for a long time, and reach others who had walls built up around them so high, that I thought the last brick would never topple.

Use this board, for what it was intended for, the good of all, the comfort for others and a learning tool to help you with your cats and your life. Don't let someone who has issues destroy that concept because of something in their life they are not right with........

Goodness, what an early morning lecture....but not a lecture, just an impassioned plea from someone who cares for the whole lot of you, especially you Debby Dear!
post #21 of 41
I have been on many internet forums and this always happens. You have to remember that whatever you post here will reach a huge spectrum of people. These people are from various walks of life, are struggling with their own life problems, and/or have very different views on many subjects.Basically, you are hitting a melting pot of culture. You find this forum a safe haven, as you should. But again you must remember your words are on the internet.

Having said this, you can make a choice:

1. Be reserved and only post what the majority want to hear.


2. Post what your heart is telling you and not be phased how others will judge you because you are revealing the truth behind your soul.

I always vote for number two.

Be true to yourself and don't waste one second of your time worrying about someone who sends such a negative message.

post #22 of 41
You never know when someone else may have the same problem and are too shy to post it here. The advice you get may help someone else too. You go right ahead and vent your heart out. I'm behing you 100%!
post #23 of 41
Well said everyone!

Hissy, that was beautiful! Although personally, my house is not always clean at the end of the day! Especially when I leave hubby alone at home for a few hours with the boys. Yikes!!!!

Kass....I agree too. I chose #2 - although it may come back and bite me in the nose one day, I have a feeling I will still have plenty of support from those who care and that in itself is worth more to me than one person's unhappiness directed at me.

sockiesmom, I don't always reply to everyone's posts either or else it would become a full time job!!!

You know...I was drawn to TCS because I had a health issue with Whiskers. I received tons of advice and help. I stayed around because of all of the other non-pet related threads because, I don't have issues with my pet everyday. It's nice to have a place to come to and just talk about anything we feel like.
post #24 of 41
I agree with 2 also. I love coming here and check back several times thru out the day. I love to read all of the posts and have several times read one post to realize I too felt the sme way and the advice helped me also. Debby several of us here have childrena and have had to go thru some of the things you have gone thru lately. I actually like to offer any advice I may have that can be of help and if I have no advice just a note on how I am keeping anyone who nees it in my thoughts. I little note to say you are not alone. I hope that when it comes my time to vent you all will be here for me too.
I just hope that people will treat other people like they had to live next door to them instead of a facless being in the cyber world.
post #25 of 41
YAY everybody! Kass, Mary Anne, Ghyslaine, Jenn, Teresa, Jan - EVERYONE - you nailed it on the head.

Debby - you know what I think already! I've been lecturing you on not apologizing for venting, because we're your friends and we're here for you! PLEASE don't let those who aren't your friends here alter in any way your participation. This is YOUR space too, and no one is obligated to participate in any particular thread.

I'm willing to be that this is one of the toughest periods of your life, and AS YOUR FRIENDS, we want to be here for you - we don't want you to keep your worries and problems to yourself! So we get to air our problems and you don't? It doesn't work like that Debby. Life goes in cycles, and just like we want to be here for you now when you need us, you'll be here when we need you.

Remember when Leslie had a problem? We worked through that too, and she's back causing all her trouble (I'M KIDDING!) - and we're loving her for it. The pain of "rejection" or criticism is hurtful, no question. That you care so much about each and every person is part of your incredible warmth and charm. But you're too wonderful a woman to let one person's criticism affect your relationship with the rest of us!!!!

If you need to vent, woman, VENT. We WANT to be your shoulders when you need them!!!!!!!

post #26 of 41
Debby, I have not been here to long,and I do not care what other people say,you and a couple of other people have been Great! I do not think anyone vents too much! You have given me great information about some of my vents.And my cats.Keep on venting! And helping people.You are a Thanks Sherral
post #27 of 41
We have over 3,000 members. It would be a miracle if every one of them liked every other one. That's called paradise, and we won't find it on this earth. Nevertheless, if we care about others it hurts to find out that something we have done has bothered another person. Please remember the 2,999 who do love you.
post #28 of 41
I think friends should be there for your woes as well as the celebrations. Debby I may not know you very well, but I feel privileged to be part of your life - the good times and the bad.

I love this site because I know that every rant get serious condsideration and well meaning advice from everyone. I have received some serious support from everyone here. And I thank you all.

Carry on ranting!
post #29 of 41
Thread Starter 
Thank you!!!!!! I really needed this tonight!!!! I felt so horrible about this all day today and now I do feel a little better!!!! You all are such great friends!!!! THANK YOU!!!!

Someone asked me if the person said it to me directly, and the answer is no...it was told to me, but I know it is true because it makes sense with why this person has had nothing to do with me for months. I can't help wondering though if there is some other reason, but I will just take everyone's advice here and not concern myself with it.

Cindy, I got such a chuckle out of your comment about hoping their cat coughs up a hairball on their bed tonight! Thanks for making me smile!!!!

Hissy, what you said was beautiful and so very very true!!!

Thanks to all of you!!!!!!
post #30 of 41
Debby..... c'mon sweetie.... you know the universal code:

Don't let 'em bother you!
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