What to do about the annoying new girlfriend. A little long. . .

Okay, so here is the situation. . .

My boyfriend and I have a friend that we have known for years. About three to four months ago, he hooked up with this girl. Her name is Danielle, and his name is John. At first we were extatic that he was with someone being that it has been a while since his last relationship. . . Then Danielles true colors started to come out... It is one thing to be someone who is over weight, as I am myself, however, I am a nice person, and know what clothes to wear and to not wear. I know that just because they make it in my size, does not necisarily mean it is okay to wear.
She weighs about 300 pounds. She wears clothes that even I at 220 can not fit in. . . Wears shirts that leave her breasts hanging out all over the place, wears jeans that are enitrely toooooooo tight, and make "everything" visible. . . I dont mean to be mean but she always looks like a slob. . . Not only does she dress inappropriately, but she is miserable to be around. . .

We all work on cars, and she has no clue about anything what so ever. She is not very bright, so she will ask the most easily self answered questions at the very wrong times. . . It is like she will not take the time to think about the answer to her question before asking it. . . This has Johns head so swollen its a miracle he can fit through the door. She tells him how smart he is, because she is so dumb, it makes him look like Einstein reincarnate. . .

She complains constantly, about nearly everything in the world. . . She is cold, she is bored, she hates this she hates that. In conversation she is the type of person who always has a family member or herself who has done whatever you have done, ten times better than you or anyone you have ever known. Not to mention she does that stupid high pitched whiney voice when she uses any of the pet names that she has made up for him, and it makes me want to pull my hair out.

John is a genius. He was the kind of guy who could make a square peg fit in a round hole, and make it efficient at the same time. We are in the process of starting a business and want him involved in the workings of our shop, and any time that we have gone to him to talk, he has always been interrupted by her for something stupid, and had to leave. He then does not call us back for DAYS, and then it is on his fifteen munite break at work, and that is no time to discuss business.

Did i mention she has no job? Does nothing all day but sit at home and drink a 24 case of Dr. Pepper???? He pays for everything they do on top of all of his own bills. His car is falling apart and because he has spent all of his money on her Dr. Pepper, he cant afford to fix it or get another one. She also keeps him up till 2, 3, 4, 5 in the morning to go fishing or go wherever it is that she gets the itch to go that night. . . Then he goes to work at 9 am exhausted.

They have been together four months and already she is calling herself his wifey and saying how much she loves him and cant wait to get a house with him and get married. . . It makes me sick to death, not to mention that she is 18 and John is 22, which I think is wrong to begin with. . .

I could go on for days. . . Any time any of us have tried to point out what it is that she is doing, or doing to him, he always comes up with some excuse or comeback. . . I have given up trying to point it out to him. And I dont want to lose him as a friend, so we have been avoiding going anwhere with them, because I am starting to have a hard time holidng my tounge when she is around. . . I dont want to make her cry in public.

I dont want anyone to think I am a bad person for any of this but these are the facts. She is a terrible person, period; and is horrible for him. He has become a jerk to be around. He has even said a few derogatory tings to me insulting my intelligence, because I am a woman, and I kindly reminded him not every woman was like his girlfriend. . .

I dont know what to do. I dont want to lose him as a friend, and I dont like to be mean to people but she really and truly sucks out loud. . . Anyone have any suggestions? Men perhaps???

I wish I could give you some advice on this one, I really truly do because this is the exact situation that we have been dealing with concerning one of our best friends as well. We tried talking to him, all of us, even his family, but he never listened. She is EXACTLY what you describe, to an absolute T. Unfortunately, just when he had decided that maybe he wasn't the girl for him, she "accidently" got pregnant and he married her. We don't hang out with them as often, and its unfortunate that we "lost" such a great friend to a horrible relationship. Ultimately, in the end, we can't run other people's lives (as much as we'd like too sometimes) and most of the time they have to learn from their own darn mistakes, until they do no amount of talking will change anything.

Originally Posted by maddensmom

Unfortunately, just when he had decided that maybe he wasn't the girl for him, she "accidently" got pregnant and he married her.

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See and she seems to me to be the kind of person who would do that. It is my understanding she got pregnant at a VERY young age, so not only do we know she can and has, but it kind of makes you concerned about other things as well.

I know we can not control other peoples lives, it just kills me to watch him make such a stupid mistake. . .

Originally Posted by NoRachelHere

See and she seems to me to be the kind of person who would do that. It is my understanding she got pregnant at a VERY young age, so not only do we know she can and has, but it kind of makes you concerned about other things as well.

I know we can not control other peoples lives, it just kills me to watch him make such a stupid mistake. . .

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I know exactly how you feel. This guy was like a brother to me, and I hated watching them together. I talked until I was blue in the face, but it did no good. I can tell now, he knows he made a huge mistake, but is living with it. It really sucks, but I guess a person can only do so much.

My s/o and I know someone like that, also. We have tried talking to him about it in a nice way, but to no avail. Our friendship is now on strained terms w/ him, b/c he's refuses to acknowledge just how bad it is: I think he knows just who & what his wife really is, but won't accept it or do anything about it. Unfortunately, nothing will be accomplished until they take the necessary steps to correct the situation..

Some people just have to live & learn on their own: I don't think that there's much you can do - your friend will have to realize it on his own.

I wish I had some advice to offer...

~KK~

Originally Posted by NoRachelHere

My boyfriend and I have a friend that we have known for years. About three to four months ago, he hooked up with this girl. Her name is Danielle, and his name is John. At first we were extatic that he was with someone being that it has been a while since his last relationship. . .

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That's good that he's found someone that he likes enough to spend time with in a man-woman relationship beyond that of friendship. You should be happy for him.

Then Danielles true colors started to come out... It is one thing to be someone who is over weight, as I am myself, however, I am a nice person, and know what clothes to wear and to not wear. I know that just because they make it in my size, does not necisarily mean it is okay to wear.
She weighs about 300 pounds. She wears clothes that even I at 220 can not fit in. . . Wears shirts that leave her breasts hanging out all over the place, wears jeans that are enitrely toooooooo tight, and make "everything" visible. . . I dont mean to be mean but she always looks like a slob. . . Not only does she dress inappropriately, but she is miserable to be around. . .

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What does it matter how she dresses? She's the one wearing the clothes and if she likes them and feels good in them, that's all that matters. I don't mean to be harsh, but just because you wouldn't wear what she wears doesn't make what she is wearing wrong.

We all work on cars, and she has no clue about anything what so ever. She is not very bright, so she will ask the most easily self answered questions at the very wrong times. . . It is like she will not take the time to think about the answer to her question before asking it. . . This has Johns head so swollen its a miracle he can fit through the door. She tells him how smart he is, because she is so dumb, it makes him look like Einstein reincarnate. . .

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It might be common sense stuff to you but it might not be to her.

If she's stroking his ego by asking him questions and he's able to answer them, so what?

She complains constantly, about nearly everything in the world. . . She is cold, she is bored, she hates this she hates that.

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We all tend to complain about stuff. Perhaps your growing dislike for this girl is making it so it seems like she is complaining more than usual or anyone else.

In conversation she is the type of person who always has a family member or herself who has done whatever you have done, ten times better than you or anyone you have ever known.

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We all know people like that. Sometimes the person is lying or embellishing a truth, and sometimes that person really does have a wide range of life experiences and acquaintences that what s/he says is true. It can be annoying yes, but you can easily just listen and let it go right out your other ear.

Not to mention she does that stupid high pitched whiney voice when she uses any of the pet names that she has made up for him, and it makes me want to pull my hair out.

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Tune it out. If he doesn't care why should you?

Did i mention she has no job? Does nothing all day but sit at home and drink a 24 case of Dr. Pepper???? He pays for everything they do on top of all of his own bills. His car is falling apart and because he has spent all of his money on her Dr. Pepper, he cant afford to fix it or get another one. She also keeps him up till 2, 3, 4, 5 in the morning to go fishing or go wherever it is that she gets the itch to go that night. . . Then he goes to work at 9 am exhausted.

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He obviously likes her enough to put up with that. So if that is the case then why do you have a problem with that? It's his life and if she is the one for him, who are you to say she isn't?

They have been together four months and already she is calling herself his wifey and saying how much she loves him and cant wait to get a house with him and get married. . . It makes me sick to death, not to mention that she is 18 and John is 22, which I think is wrong to begin with. . .

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Again, it's his life. If he wants to be with her the best thing you can do is to support him and be his friend and learn to tolerate her even if you don't particularly like her.

Any time any of us have tried to point out what it is that she is doing, or doing to him, he always comes up with some excuse or comeback. . . I have given up trying to point it out to him. And I dont want to lose him as a friend, so we have been avoiding going anwhere with them, because I am starting to have a hard time holidng my tounge when she is around. . . I dont want to make her cry in public.

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If you don't want to lose him as a friend then you will lay off of her. He is in love and love is blind to all flaws. He is with her because he wants to be not because she is making him stay with her. He could walk away if he wants to, but he doesn't want to.

If their relationship isn't meant to be he will come to the realization on his own. Until then leave them alone and be his friend

I think we sometimes get too involved with our friends' lives and tend to impose ourselves into them more than we should.

Wow, she sounds horrible to be around.

One of my best friends has a boyfriend that I cannot stand, and I think she will end up marrying him I know she would take his side if I ever said anything, so I just don't because I don't want to lose her friendship

I hope he ditches her soon...good luck.

Are you willing to do a little "girl to girl talk" and maybe invite her to go shopping with you one afternoon?

The more you complain, the more John will be defensive of her. Sooner or later he will get tired of her actions and hopefully break it off. Maybe ask John just what he really sees in her "that makes her so great in his opinion".


We had to bite our tongue on our oldest son's gf before the one's he's engaged to now. He brought her over one time - one time too many. She was horrible, lazy, etc. I try to find something nice about people, but couldn't find anything worthwhile in her. She not only "claimed" to have has a miscarriage but later got pregnant again (after she said she shouldn't cause of a heart condition). We think she aborted the baby (long story).

The gf he has now and will probably marry is much better (in fact the best he's ever had). She's smart, funny and has a good sense of work ethic/college. We did praise him on our "approval" of her and told him not to let her go.

I think most of us have been in relationships that were wrong and everyone saw it but us. He is still young and just might need to make this mistake on his own. I would not be able to be around her, from how you described her, so it realy might mean you just have to wait it out. I wish I had more advice, but its a sucky situation that just has to work itself out on its own.

However, since you do plan to start a business together you may need to tell him that until he has his head on his shoulders properly you guys have to go on without him.

Well at 18 she is quite young and most likely has low self esteem of herself thereby being clingy with him.

Even though she is considered an adult I wonder where her parents fit in this equation?
I would be concerned-no job-does she have health insurance??

Its his life however and you should be regardless of your feelings respect how he wants to live his life.

I think Natalie said everything I was thinking. Unfortunately you can not choose your friend's mate of choice. Its his life and either he'll leave at some point or he won't. You have to decide if this is a deal breaker for your friendship with him or not.

Also whats so wrong with an 18 yr old being with a 22 yr old? There is not much of an age difference there (only 4 yrs). And they are both concenting adults.

She kinda reminds me of my sister.... Except that my sister has a job. I don't think there is anything you can say to these people. My sisters wears the WORST clothes for her size, and shows off every lump and bump with her tightfitting clothes. She about 240lbs and 5'3". She is one of the most 'selectfully unintelligent' people I know. She's 20 and is with someone who is nearly 42 (older than my mum).

She has never been pregnant, but has been irresponsible enough to be (we think she may be infertile)

I love my sister to bits, but no-matter how tactfully you say to these people what you'd like to say, it doesn't get through to them.

As for John, can you pull him aside and TELL him to hear you out? If you can say everything you need to say (nicely) then maybe he will take things on board. If not, then perhaps you can try and set some ground rules, such as, if he's with you an bf, then he cannot run to her beck and call. And if he's with her, you will not be there. Point out that you have been good friends for a long time, and a girlfriend shouldnt come between that.

You say he is only 22, if he makes the mistake now, he can learn from it. He will know in a year or so that this isn't the right choice.

I know I can not run anyones life. I understand that it is his choice. I was actually looking for what my options are. What would other people do. Just deal with the fact that they make you insane and be miserable any time you go anywhere with them. Be embarassed by the people staring at her ripples falling out from under her shirt. Just deal with her snarky remarks. I understand it is easy for some, but I unfortunatley have a horribly short fuse. I understand it is her life, I understand she can wear what she wants, but it makes me crazy. I know I cant say anything about it, its not my life, but what do I do in the mean time? Go on about creating my business and tell him, oh well, you snooze you loose and hear about it later? Loose a friend and an asset to my business because of some silly girl, who doesnt really care about anything...

Its just aggrivating. I apologize for ranting but it is starting to make me crazy.

Well on the business part...keep creating your business if he takes more interest in his lady than the business thats on him. But you can bring this up to him. Like certain plans you have for the business so that he knows you still want him in on the business.

And hey I here you on the short fuse part. I am right there with you. But I have learned a long time ago how to save face and/or cut ties when I need to.

*If she dress a way you don't like oh well. If people stare oh well. They are looking at her not you. If she does not care neither should you.
*Learn to let her snarky remarks go in one ear and out the other. And complain to your SO when you get home (I do this).

When you have friends that date you have to learn that they may end up picking people you might not like. I have family that I can not stand their SOs but I have learned to keep my mouth shut about them to the one dating them. Making a big fuss seems to draw them closer instead of apart.

Originally Posted by NoRachelHere

He has become a jerk to be around. He has even said a few derogatory tings to me insulting my intelligence, because I am a woman, and I kindly reminded him not every woman was like his girlfriend. . .

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Good one!

I know I am new and don't know you but here is my 2 cents. I think everyone has had this problem. My aunt married this guy that was a loser (Now when ever I see him I just say hi that is all). My best friend had a baby with this other loser (we are no longer friends). What I learn was there is nothing you can do! It is sad but true. I know you just want to shake him and say what is wrong with you! All you can do is try to ignore his girlfriend. The best go can hope for is keep telling him what a horrible person she is and 1. the relationship will go sour on its own or 2. he will forever resent you or end the friendship. Since they are young it has a very high chance of ending. But if you think she will try and get pregnant, tell him to use a condom (he should be using it anyway for disease prevention) try and be sneaky bring it into the conversation or if you're good enough friends tell him outright, maybe buy him a pack as a Halloween gift (black and orange condoms! give it to him with candy) or something. There are evil things you could do (try and break it up etc.) but that only works in the movies. I agree with Ping the more you try and tear them apart the more they will cling together (a sort of us against the world thing ) Well good luck!

Oh yeah, do you have any friends you could introduce him to?

I could really put my 2 cents in here couldnt I Rachel??????

But I wont.

The only thing I will say is....stop going out with them if it bothers you so much.

Originally Posted by xoxolyn

Oh yeah, do you have any friends you could introduce him to?

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Unfortunately 99.8 percent of my friends are men. . . So no not really. lol the .02 percent is my best friend Kendra who happens to be dating my best guy friend Carl. ..

I wish i did know someone though. . .

I know I cant break them up, but it just makes me crazy. They have NOTHING in common what so ever. . . Its insane. . .

Oh my goodness.....I used to know a couple like that It was one of my good friends too. I told him over and over that she was aweful for him and was just messing him up more and more mentally. She even slapped him at a resturant for teasing her about something VERY small and silly. I just couldn't get over the things she did to him, not to mention what she whinned about, what she yelled at him about, how she acted like she was 15 years old.

Pretty much I learned that no matter what I, or anyone else said, he stayed with her for a few months.....I was SO happy when he called me and told me she dumped him....Thank God, not exactly how I thought it would go, but at least they weren't together anymore.

You know. Instead of focusing on all things negative about this girl, focus on the positive. She makes your friend happy and that is all that really matters in the end.

Are you sure you aren't a wee bit jealous that he is no longer spending as much time with you now? It's normal to feel slighted when a friend gets caught up in a relationship and starts to neglect friendships. Perhaps you are taking that feeling and transferring it to her?

Originally Posted by Natalie_ca

You know. Instead of focusing on all things negative about this girl, focus on the positive. She makes your friend happy and that is all that really matters in the end.

Are you sure you aren't a wee bit jealous that he is no longer spending as much time with you now? It's normal to feel slighted when a friend gets caught up in a relationship and starts to neglect friendships. Perhaps you are taking that feeling and transferring it to her?

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I Highly doubt she's jealous of this girls fashion mistake and total disregard for other people.

If it were me, I would want someone to tell me if I look ridiculous or if the person I'm dating was bad news for me