Help with a scardy-cat

Hello! I am new to the forums. This is bound to be a long post, so please excuse me if posting long messages is an outright faux pas. Anywho, here is a situation I could use some advice on. Firstly, I should give some background though. My husband and I have two cat-children.

The first kitty we adopted is Sierra. She is a 7 year old long haired tri-coloured fixed female. We have had her for 7 years. In fact, when we moved from Canada to the US she moved with us! She was ripped away from her mother too young, and has basically grown up with just human companions. She is very relaxed and adaptable to basically any situation. She is a bit high-strung though, so weâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]ve taken to calling her Queen Sierra at times.

Our second kitty-child is Scary (my husband named him, because at 8 months his paws were way oversized for his body! My mom insists his name should be ScarDy not Scary.). He is some sort of strange mixed breed. Beautiful big blue eyes, Siamese colouring over his body, and a stripped tail. We adopted him from a pet-store about 4 1/2 years ago. He was around 8 months old at the time. Now, usually I would not think to buy from a pet-store, but he reached his paw through his cage and grabbed my sleeve, so, what could a cat lover do? Anyhow, I brought Scary home, and he was perfectly fine with me. He seemed to love me at first site. I did notice right off the bat though, when I picked him up, he automatically curled his long body into a tight ball and closed his eyes. He also seemed to be quite taken with Sierra, although she was not having it.

It was quite a different story when my husband came home though. My husband is the sweetest, kindest, most gentle guy in the world. However, he also happens to be around 6â€[emoji]8482[/emoji]4 and over 250 lbs. Needless to say, Scary took one look at my husband and headed for the hills (or rather, under my bed).

Over time it got slightly better, and Scary grew to really adore my husband -- as long as my husband was sitting or laying down. Still, if my husband approaches him while standing, often times Scary will spit and hiss. Heâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]ll allow my husband to pick him up, but automatically curl up into a ball. He does still seem to prefer me, but that is alright. He is a complex cat.

With that said, he is a very very loving lap cat. Often times heâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]ll be on your lap and asleep before you realize he is there. It is quite different from our other cat-child, Miz Independence herself. However, while he is comfortable with us most times, he is still very very neurotic. The slightest sound, or quick movement will send him running off to hide. Weâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]ve since had to move the frame from our bed, and put it on the floor so Scary wasnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t living under there!

It has taken a long time to get Scary to love and trust us, and he has become more open and friendly with visitors as well. Right now in fact he is curled up in the chair having a nice snooze.

Now, onto the issue at hand. My husband and I are looking to purchase our first home. We are both worried that after purchasing our home, weâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]re going to have to start from scratch with Scary again -- That he is going to revert back to being highly neurotic and stressed out about everything. We are not willing to get rid of our baby over this, nor give up our dream of home owner-ship, what I would like though, is some tips, if possible on making a transition into a new home as non-stressful as possible for a very nervous feline-child.

Again, sorry for the length of the post, I just figured that some background was necessary.

Hello and welcome to you and your furbabies to TCS.

What I would recommend when you move is to purchase some Feliway this link will explain what it is and how it helps.
http://www.vpl.com/product.php?catma...4&cat=Behavior

When you move to your new home, keep him in one room to begin with, where he can get use to his new surroundings easily and not become overwhelmed at once with all the new space.

It would be nice if you could keep in your bedroom, that way he could stay in there during the day, while he adjusts and be with you guys at night. He may adjust quickly, though.

Also, you can keep your bed off the floor. Providing him a hiding place is actually good for him. You do not want to force him, he will come out when he is comfortable to do so.

Good Luck with your move and your new home.

It might be a case of the transition from down on the floor or upright is too abrupt for Scary. What happens when your husband kneels down, or sits up on the floor? What point does Scary get scared?

Start the move transition by moving him into smaller and smaller areas. Leave the carrier out and make it home away from home with washable toys and blankets. Make him feel the carrier is now the only thing that feels like his physical home, and he will have a home base to cling to during the move.

Then, put him in a small and undisturbed space. Let him come out when he feels confident.

Scary is obviously affectionate, and he's been rebuffed by Sierra. Imagine you are in school and there's only one other girl who likes the same things you do; only she does not want to be your friend. This is tough to live with.

I know this sounds whacky, but if you've ever considered a third cat as a playmate, this is the ideal time. Everyone will be starting fresh in a new place, so territory issues can be easily worked out. Scary will find a new cat to bond with a very soothing option. Meanwhile, it sounds like Sierra either doesn't like cats or doesn't like Scary. Either way, she will get pressure taken off of her if the new cat and Scary become buddies (just make sure one of their shared games doesn't become teasing her.) Or, she will thaw, and the new cat will be a bridge to Scary.

You can do it up to one month after the move for best results. After that, their patterns start getting more set.

Originally Posted by Pami

Hello and welcome to you and your furbabies to TCS.

What I would recommend when you move is to purchase some Feliway this link will explain what it is and how it helps.
http://www.vpl.com/product.php?catma...4&cat=Behavior

Also, you can keep your bed off the floor. Providing him a hiding place is actually good for him. You do not want to force him, he will come out when he is comfortable to do so.

Good Luck with your move and your new home.

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Thanks for the tips! Part of the reason we put our bed on the floor is not only because he hid there but because he tore the liner off of the underside of the bed and we had a constant fear of squashing him. He still has plenty of hiding spots.

He is very affectionate. Yes, he is rebuffed by Sierra some of the time, but they also play quite a bit. She just is easily irritated by his over-playfullness. He loves other cats, and yes, we do plan on getting another cat, we just don't have the room right now.

Thanks for the tips!

Pami and Werebear, bless their hearts! have given you not only the advice I would have given, but more besides. What stars they are! Sure hope their suggestions work for you and your family -- and yes, welcome to Sierra, Scary, you and your husband! You sound like a wonderful family and hope you'll love it here at TCS AND at your new home, with a larger furfamily!

Werebear said it and I'll second it: MORE CATS IN MORE HOMES!!!

lol sounds alot like the issue i had with the wife;s cat.
first time he saw me, he ran for the bed room. It tooks a few weeks before he would come from hiding when i was around. Even when he did i just ignored him. But finally after a very long time, he came over jumped in my lap and laid down.

IMO best fix is to give it time.