Mad at my Mom--she put my cat to sleep

margecat

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First, some background:

When I was single, until 4 years ago, I lived with Mom; I had a cat, Selena. When I left to move in with my then fiancee, she asked if she could keep Selena, as Mom was lonely (she's older, and widowed, won't drive, etc.). As much as I loved Selena, I felt this was best for Mom. However, I still paid 1/2of the vet bills, took her to the vet, etc. Since I left, Selena put on a lot of weight; nobody (3 vets) knows why. Mom's vet put her on (what we thought was) diet food, yet Selena gained and gained. Two weeks ago, Mom asked me to make a vet appointment--Selena was crying a lot, and her legs seemed a bit week. DH took her in, as I wasn't able to. He found out that the (previous) vet had been giving her weight-maintaining food, not diet food! She said Selena would be ok eating diet food, and her legs were that way due to her weight (20lbs.).

My Mom called me at work today, to tell me she had Selena put down. I asked what was wrong, and she even admitted the vet didn't want to do it, per my comment above. Mom's excuse was that she couldn't bear to hear her cry, and she felt bad keeping her secluded part of the day in a basement (Mom is selling her house; my brother is building an in-law suite for Mom, and the cat was most welcome to live there. They haven't gotten started yet, but Mom sold her house, and has to be out before the construction is done. She agreed to move her bed to the basement for a few months, and Selena would hang out there; but Mom had her leash-trained, and could take her outside. We discussed this a few weeks back, and agreed it would work.) I just don't understand why she had Selena killed! She didn't even call us first; we've always said we'd take her, if Mom couldn't keep her (even though we have 9 already). DH and I are very, very angry, and upset. He thinks this is Mom's way of spiting me for something; I'm not sure. My poor Selena is dead, and I feel awful--if I knew Mom would've done this, I would've taken Selena in.
 

catsknowme

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What a devastating blow - such betrayal
Poor Selena - that is AWFUL!!!!!! Why, oh why, didn't your mother consult you
Things like this boggle my mind - I can't imagine hurting my girls or grandsons that way - OMG, I have driven 600 miles roundtrip to rescue a cat that my grandson reported in grave circumstances, just so she could get vet care a day earlier in the week (my vet is VERY accomodating, unlike many big-city vets who are so busy, busy, busy).
Godspeed over Rainbow Bridge, Selena - please let your meowmmy know that you are in a safe, happy place now, frisky like a kitten, able to chase butterflies and get all the cuddles you need from the little angels over there.
I send you comforting, healing vibes, MargeCat, that somehow your mother will be able to give the closure of a reasonable explanation and that she will work hard to help you overcome this sad wound to your heart.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers tonight.
susan
 

cheylink

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So sorry! That is a very odd situation, so extreme over weight, would think had to be over feed as well. But so sorry for your sadness!
 

rachelh1018

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I'm soooooo sorry!!! That was CRUEL!!!! I don't even know what to say... what you must be feeling right now....
I'm just sooo very sorry that that happened!!!!!
 

carolpetunia

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Oh darlin I'm so sorry! Surely something must be wrong in your mother's mind to cause her to do such a thing... how old is she?
 

cat52

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Margecat, that is just plain rotten. I hope you are not feeling guilty - of course you would have taken Selena if you'd had any idea this would happen...I am very sad that your mother would do something like that, and angry too, on your behalf. Dunno how old she is, but my Mom is in her 80's & one think I've noticed is she (Mom) sometimes gets a wrong idea in her head and you can just forget about changing her, reason won't work, nothing'll work; it can be very frustrating. I know that is no consolation to you - it's not meant to be, just commiseration. I feel so sorry for poor Selena, and for you that you have to deal with anything like this with your own mother. Comfort and positive vibes to you.
 

kittkatt

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OMG! How horrible!
Your Mom could have at least consulted you before putting her down, and given you the option of what YOU wanted to do.
I'm so sorry: I can only imagine how devastated you must be..


~KK~
 

goldenkitty45

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I know this seems mean and hateful, but I really don't think your mom did this on purpose to be mean or hateful to you. She should have said something, but you need to forgive her for the decision she made. Maybe she was worried about you not being able to take the cat even if she couldn't care for it and in her mind this was the best thing to do.

Sorry for your loss. Its hard to lose a childhood pet.
 

sibohan2005

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I am so sorry for your loss. But to be the devil's advocate I would have to believe that your mom thought she was doing what was best for dear Selena (even thought I think she should have consulted you before hand) Having had a beloved cat die of weight related fatty liver disease I would never wish any owner to have to watch their pet die like that.
I know your probably too angry about the situation at this time to think about Selena being in a happier, healthier place than she was but I am certain she is playing with my Duke over the rainbow bridge.

My prayers
 

lore

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Oh My.
I am SO sorry for your Loss. However if she was yeowling all the time, truely she was in some sort of discomfort or pain & now she is free of that & perhaps that is what your mother was looking to provide for her.
 

lunasmom

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Once you can have some face to face time with your mom, I would talk to her. I agree that I don't think it was out of spite for some unknown reason on her part, but perhaps something happened that either scared her or she just didn't feel she could live up to on her end.


If she is older, well, my mother is going on 70 next year and I've started to notice that she's getting that old age syndrome - she does and says things with little concern about others. Its nothing spiteful, but I think there's a part of our brain that gets a little different kick ot it.
 

lillekat

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Oh sweetheart I'm so sorry
no wonder you are angry, especially at such a devastating betrayal. But in a way, I can almost understand why your mum did what she did. If the last vet had screwed up as badly as to not know that he was giving her weight maintaining food instead of slimming, then of course your poor little baby at 20lbs was going to be in so much pain trying to carry around that extra weight. Sure, putting her onto the diet food and taking her in would, over time, reduce her weight problem but depending on her age, it might be a really long road. How long would you be prepared to let her hurt in order for her to slim down again to a point at which she was comfortable again? If you ask me, the blame doesn't entirely lie with your mother, it lies also in part with an incompetent vet. I do hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive your mother, een though I know that you are so hurt and so angry.


But all that is completely besides the point - I'm so sorry to hear you've lost your baby, but she is safe over the rainbow bridge where she has no more pain and she can scuttle happily after as many flutterbyes as she could ever want.
I hope you fell a little better soon
 

zane's pal

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Cut the old hag out of your life. She has forfieted any respect you might have owed her.

Alexander the Great, when Queen Olympias was nagging him about giving the sons and nephews of one or another of her ladies in waiting plum jobs, remarked, "She charges me very high rent for nine months of lodging." Just because the old harridan gave birth to you does not give her the right to run roughshod over your life, particularly when another living thing is involved.
 

ping

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Originally Posted by Zane's Pal

Cut the old hag out of your life. She has forfieted any respect you might have owed her.

Alexander the Great, when Queen Olympias was nagging him about giving the sons and nephews of one or another of her ladies in waiting plum jobs, remarked, "She charges me very high rent for nine months of lodging." Just because the old harridan gave birth to you does not give her the right to run roughshod over your life, particularly when another living thing is involved.
Thats a harsh thing to say about ones mom.

MArge I am sorry for your loss.
 

calico2222

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I am so sorry for your loss. I know you are angry at your mom right now, but she was the one taking care of Selena and hearing her crying in pain. I agree, she should have discussed it with you first, but if she was crying because she couldn't carry her own weight there could have been underlying problems that wouldn't have cleared up in time as in fractured or dislocated hip, joint problems...it could have been anything causing her to cry.

I think the best thing is to wait until after you and DH calm down, and sit down with your mother and find out her reasonings behind it. You have every right to be angry that she didn't consult you before she made the decision, but listen to her reasons first before cutting her out of you life as some people have suggested here.

Take comfort in knowing that she is no longer in pain, and will be waiting at RB.

And, I think that vet needs a good talking to! Weight-maintaining food???? WHAT was he thinking????
 

missymotus

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So sorry for your loss
RIP Selena, play happily at the bridge
 
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