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My Emails, a year in review....

post #1 of 14
Thread Starter 
SUMMARY OF READING MY EMAIL FOR THE PAST YEAR

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the
glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every
envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same
reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny
Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I
receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me
for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels
looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every
wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch
the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm
pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make
these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their
cans .

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the
microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring
me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are
actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support
our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica,
Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now
have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big
brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant
death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I
dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a
sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain
gas companies!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next
70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at
5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your
back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur
because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's
ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...

Have a wonderful day....

Oh, by the way.....

A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study,
has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read
their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late!
post #2 of 14
I got that the other day too!

Hilarious!
post #3 of 14
Those are good...and they all sound familiar
post #4 of 14
Oh I love it! I've gotten most of those!
post #5 of 14
I received that one too before. Hilarious!

What about the one where you're not supposed to sign any petitions and forward them, b/c it's just a scam to track your e-mail address??

~KK~
post #6 of 14
That is great!
post #7 of 14
Thats funny.
post #8 of 14
Excellent! But they missed one of my favorites -- where a tearjerker email full of maudlin cliches ends with something like, "Now, you can pretend your weren't moved by this and just delete it, or you can forward it to ten friends and help make a real difference in this heartless world. The choice is yours..."

I guess I'm a terrible person, because I delete those wretched things with great enthusiasm!
post #9 of 14
LOL! I was reading an email while this loaded and it was some B.S. one my mom sent me about yadda yadda windows tracking who sends it yadda yadda

I made sure to forward it to my mom
post #10 of 14
Eeheheheheheheeheh!!
post #11 of 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolPetunia View Post
Excellent! But they missed one of my favorites -- where a tearjerker email full of maudlin cliches ends with something like, "Now, you can pretend your weren't moved by this and just delete it, or you can forward it to ten friends and help make a real difference in this heartless world. The choice is yours..."

I guess I'm a terrible person, because I delete those wretched things with great enthusiasm!


I never read chain emails. My family and friends know to never forward me anything like that, whether its a joke, story, poem, anything of the sort. I just delete them without evening opening
post #12 of 14
OMG

I always fall for them too..well the ones about money
post #13 of 14
I'm so glad you posted that as I get so irritated by junk like that in my inbox! It's the same people who send these mails to me over and over again.........As I never forward them and none of the terrible things have happened so far, I feel safe enough!!
post #14 of 14
That is so funny, and the last thing... hand on the mouse, guess what I was doing whilst reading that whole thing, even when I didn't need to scroll down...

I delete the e-mails that I don't know who their from. I only read ones where I know I've signed up... Although I got a spam e-mail from 'eBay' the other day saying I hadn't paid for an item. I checked my account and figured that I hadn't bought anything in ages!!!
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