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I just found my little cousin's myspace page.....

post #1 of 29
Thread Starter 
Oh if she had my mother would she ever be in trouble!!

First off, she's claiming to be 17! When in fact she is 14!!!!! Then it's sexy this and sexy that. At first I was like maybe it's not her, because she does look older in her pic. So I looked at her other pics, and sure enough, can't mistake her little brother or little sister!

She's my cousin's daughter and lets just say my cousin would rather let someone else raise her kids. Like the TV for instance. Or McDonald's can cook their food. Actually my best is that my little cousin does the cooking. And caring for her baby sister. I guess I just hoped that because she saw her mother be the way she is, that she'd want something different for her own life. The rest of the family isn't like that, so it's not like that's all she knows. Unfortunately they live a long way a way from me and about an hour or more from the rest of my family. I don't know if I'm more sad or angry. Maybe I'm so sad I'm getting angry. She was my buddy when she was a little girl. I mean she adored me and I adored her too. Cant we just rewind to those times and make things better??? She deserves better.
post #2 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by MoochNNoodles View Post
... I guess I just hoped that because she saw her mother be the way she is, that she'd want something different for her own life....
Give her a few years and she'll probably realize more and be able to make better choices. Keep letting her know you are there for her! I remember I didn't get a real perspective of my family (and what was wrong) until I left home and there was some distance. I'm sending good wishes for her!
post #3 of 29
Oh that is just horrible! The age thing is the worse cause she's prey for sex offenders! Why do parents let their young daughters look and act years older? If they didn't buy into the media and take away their "sexy" clothes, etc., the kids might be better off.

I'd STILL inform your cousin about the myspace page. Whether she does something about it or not, at least you can feel better knowing you told her. Heaven forbid if something happened to the child and you never told the mother about the myspace page. That's why its so important to monitor what the kids are doing on the pc.

I'm SOOO glad DH and I didn't have girls! And we would not allow the pc in the boys room - they had to use the one in the living room where it could be checked.
post #4 of 29
my ex-step-daughter has a myspace too she's 13 and has had one since last year at least.. you're supposedto have to be 15 to have a myspace I think- of course her father didn't see any problem with it
post #5 of 29
Thread Starter 
You know what, I was just doing some counting....she's not 14, she's still 13. And won't be till early next year.

I think what I'm going to do is either call my Aunt (cousin's mother) or let my mother call my Aunt. I don't have my cousin's phone number, it changes too often. But my Aunt is probably the most reasonable one to talk to about it who could do something or say something to my cousin or my little cousin.

I knew she was hanging out with older kids, but not telling people she was older. I thought of the sex offender thing. She could get someone else in trouble too. My cousin's method of discipline with was "You better not get pregnant like I did!" Yeah that'll work.... I know she's experimented with some drugs too. And again, my cousin's method of discipline was "Do you want my life!?! Don't you see how awful (censored) my life is!?! Do you want to be like me!?!" All shouted at her in the Principals office at her school. My Aunt was very much a hippie and the always smoked pot at home, even when my cousins were kids. So it's like it's just a vicious cycle. My Aunt thought pot was fine (no longer smokes that to my knowledge), my cousin thinks Pot plus whatever is fine. Now her daughter.... Oh and my cousin is pregnant again... It's sad to say, but maybe all the raising of her younger siblings will be a good birth control for her!

I don't know if I should message her through myspace or not. I mean could I be held accountable for her being on there purporting to be so much older? I'm gonna do what I can do about it, but I'm afraid not much will really help. Even if I could say turn her in to the Myspace people and don't tell anyone I'm the one who did that, what's stopping her from making another account? I'm afraid that would be the wrong way to handle it, make her rebel even more.
post #6 of 29
Check into your local authorities and see if there is someone more skilled in dealing with computers and kids and sex offenders. Someone could talk and show this child what will happened to her.

And maybe consider talking to Child Protection too re the drugs, computer, etc.
post #7 of 29
OH MY GOSH! MySpace is the devil! I wouldn't know what to do if I were you. I'm scared for the day I find someone I know that's on MySpace of Facebook
post #8 of 29
I know I would be disappointed if I saw a relative I was once close to with that sort of myspace page. And that young too.

I would see if your aunt can intervene in any way. From what you're talking about, your little cousin is in the adult role, rather than the child/teenage role, which isn't right. She may be trying to pass herself off as being older because she is in that adult role. which can get her into some messed up situations down the road.
see if you're Aunt can continue to raise her or become a more influential role her life. She's not on a good path.
post #9 of 29
<<you're supposedto have to be 15 to have a myspace I think>>

It was 14 at one time, I think it got raised to 18 (or there abouts) after the problem Myspace had with pedophiles.

Anyways- I digress. I have a huge problem with kids and myspace anyways.
My dd will be 14 in January, does not have a myspace page, will not get one for quite some time. Though she likes going on there and looking at our youth pastor's page. He says he's 101 He made a page, after he had a talk with all of the youth about myspace, and why it's not all it's cracked up to be.

Ooops. I was going to tell you to show the parents that she's got a myspace page. Then I re-read your last post. I agree with the other posters to tell your aunt what's going on. Maybe even show her the page. Maybe then she'll show the page to her dtr. And, maybe if mom sees the pictures her child has on there, she'll wake up. Maybe. Though I've met my fair share of clueless parents over the years as well. And my kids are only 13 and 10!

Contacting her through myspace- even though it sounds good, probably isn't. Myspace has been attempting to crack down on adults talking to children, and you might get into trouble. And you're probably right. Even if you did contact myspace and tell them she's got an account, and they ban her, she can make another handle really easy.
post #10 of 29
Quote:
Eligibility. Use of and Membership in the MySpace Services is void where prohibited. By using the MySpace Services, you represent and warrant that (a) all registration information you submit is truthful and accurate; (b) you will maintain the accuracy of such information; (c) you are 14 years of age or older; and (d) your use of the MySpace Services does not violate any applicable law or regulation. Your profile may be deleted and your Membership may be terminated without warning, if we believe that you are under 14 years of age.
http://www.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=misc.terms
post #11 of 29
14!!!!!!!!!!!!!



I thought it was 18 (sigh).
post #12 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sneakymom View Post
14!!!!!!!!!!!!!



I thought it was 18 (sigh).
I know at one point there was a push to make MySpace an age minimum of 18, but because their population and entire site is geared toward social high schoolers, the push was dropped.
post #13 of 29
Thread Starter 
I just talked to my mother about it. I'm going to let my Aunt know since she's the only one we see having any influence at all in the situation. So we'll see what happens...
post #14 of 29
It's pretty easy to "black hole" websites through the windows Hosts file. Just do a search for your "Hosts" file in your window's directory (or Preference folder in macs), open the file (it's just a text file), and add:

127.0.0.1 myspace.com

for PC's or

myspace.com CNAME 127.0.0.1

for macs by itself on it's own line. So if you use THAT computer to try and access myspace, it'll say it can't find that website.

Problem is, if she goes to her friend's place, or school, it's easily accessible unless they do the same trick. Or if she's computer savvy, she'll know what's up in a heartbeat and rectify the situation herself. But, for the clueless 13 year old, it'll appear as voodoo magick that they can't access the site from home.
post #15 of 29
couple of years ago, i came accross a friends kids(girl) webpage,
hmm she was wearing some not so nice clothes , and said she was 18 when she was 15.
so of course i had to tell him.... i kinda felt bad...

well the computer got moved into his bedroom(it had already been moved to the living room) and she got grounded for 2 months. ...
post #16 of 29
I have the same problem with my 15 year old niece on myspace. She has racial words, sexual pictures, profanity, and more bad stuff. I have complained over and over again to myspace and they won't do a thing. I keep talking to her dad and mom but they won't do a thing either. What is an aunt to do? If your not the parent there doesn't seem to be much protection for minors at all.
post #17 of 29
When I joined Myspace in 2004, I believe it was 18 to join (I was 17½ ...)

A friend of mine's mom was into a lot of bad stuff, drinking, sex in bathrooms at bars with random guys, dating a drunk who had lost his license for 10 years thanks to DUI's (actually, I think she may have married him since...) etc. My friend always said "I dont want to be like my mom, and I dont want to have a kid at 18 like her & my dad did... etc etc".

Well when she was 15 she decided she wanted a baby. She slept with 7 different guys in 6 months - all unprotected, all 3+ years older, and telling them how she would love for them to father her child. At 18, she got her wish with someone who was 10 years older than her, divorced, and already a father of a 2 year old. Then she left him to sleep with 3 different guys in Indiana and stay with them. She was drinking a lot, smoking while pregnant, being promiscuous, etc. Just like her mom. She's currently fighting the father of her baby for custody (she's had full since she left NJ the 2nd time to go back to IN). What a mess.

So sometimes, seeing the parent do things badly may get them to SAY they don't want to be like them, but ultimately they may end up exactly like that.

I would definitely let someone know, most likely her mom's mom, since it sounds like she would do more than the mother on this one....
post #18 of 29
According to Myspace's rules, they should delete her profile if you report it to them. Maybe try that?

I had to tell on two of my best friends when we were about that age-- they were going to the mall to meet much older boys (early 20s, we were still talking about who had gotten their period or not) they met online, and who had talked about having sex with them. I told my parents, who of course told theirs, and needless to say they never got a chance to go to the mall. They were soooo mad at me, but I knew I had done the right thing. Your cousin might be mad at you too, but she is endangering herself.
post #19 of 29
I have to say I'm going to be the odd one out. I hate the whole "make rules and forbid the kids from having this or that" idea. Maybe its just because I'm young but this is the way my mother raised me and I think I turned out a heck of a lot better than two of my best friends who's parents were insanely strict. They both moved out, one moved to California and married a guy she knew for 2 weeks got a divorce 8 months later and now is married again (but truly happy now.) And my other friend went away to college and is a big drinker and smoker now. Instead of just telling your kids no you cant do this its bad, try talking to them, explaining things to them, and trusting them. Be open, and be a person they feel they can come talk to you without fear of getting screamed at. My mother has ALWAYS been very open, its been more of letting me have freedoms but with boundaries and learning things myself without getting hurt. My little cousin is 14 and has a myspace and her mother is her #2 right behind her best friend. And her mom keeps a close watch on hers and they have it protected with the cant be seen unless a friend, and approved comments only options turned on. Teach your kids to be smart, and make good decisions and dont just block them from things without telling them why. Most of the time they just end up rebelling against those rules in the long run. And I know that this isnt the case for all, and I'm not by any means telling you this is how you should raise your kids! After all I have no reason to talk since I have none! I'm just offering my
post #20 of 29
I would be freaking if I saw someone close to me's child up there "acting up"... The reality is usually when kids or even adults do things like that it's a cry for help. By the sounds of it this poor little girl isn't getting what she needs at home and she's suffering for it. Too bad you couldn't pick her up for a weekend or something and bring her home with you to hang out... I bet she'd love to get out of the rat race and maybe you could help her gain some perspective on reality in the process?
I love MySpace but agree that it can be a very dangerous place to hang out. Too bad they couldn't do like some other sites do and the parents have to set up the account if the child isn't of age. This gives the parent access to everything. Of course if parents don't monitor it wouldn't make a difference. Unfortunately there are way too many parents out there who don't care. My son isn't on MySpace... but I have a lot of friends who's kids are. My son's brother is (through his dad). Their parents are on the kids friends list and they can see exactly what's going on there. For me I would allow it, but only with very close supervision. I have younger people on my page.. family and friends kids. I think if you aren't doing anything wrong you don't have anything to worry about. After all.. keeping up with friends and family is the whole point. None of us can say our entire family is of age and there isn't anything wrong with keeping in touch with them if they aren't. I'd message her and try to be the better than best friend she seems to need in her life right now.
post #21 of 29
Education isn't easy but I say if that's what giving her some fun... why not? It doesn't sound like she's breaking any law or doing something inappropriate... although lying about age isn't that good, but the whole story sounds pretty 'normal' to me...
post #22 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by capt_jordi View Post
I have to say I'm going to be the odd one out.
You're not the only weirdo here lol
post #23 of 29
I wouldn't worry too much. All teenagers go through a stage like that. I would also assume that she lied about her age becuase I think myspace makes you have a "private" profile if you are under the age of 17.
post #24 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zissou'sMom View Post
According to Myspace's rules, they should delete her profile if you report it to them. Maybe try that?

They'll delete the profile, but what's to stop her from making another one? Except the next time she'll be more sneaky about it and not use her real name so that you aren't able to find it.
post #25 of 29
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by capt_jordi View Post
I have to say I'm going to be the odd one out. I hate the whole "make rules and forbid the kids from having this or that" idea. Maybe its just because I'm young but this is the way my mother raised me and I think I turned out a heck of a lot better than two of my best friends who's parents were insanely strict. They both moved out, one moved to California and married a guy she knew for 2 weeks got a divorce 8 months later and now is married again (but truly happy now.) And my other friend went away to college and is a big drinker and smoker now. Instead of just telling your kids no you cant do this its bad, try talking to them, explaining things to them, and trusting them. Be open, and be a person they feel they can come talk to you without fear of getting screamed at. My mother has ALWAYS been very open, its been more of letting me have freedoms but with boundaries and learning things myself without getting hurt. My little cousin is 14 and has a myspace and her mother is her #2 right behind her best friend. And her mom keeps a close watch on hers and they have it protected with the cant be seen unless a friend, and approved comments only options turned on. Teach your kids to be smart, and make good decisions and dont just block them from things without telling them why. Most of the time they just end up rebelling against those rules in the long run. And I know that this isnt the case for all, and I'm not by any means telling you this is how you should raise your kids! After all I have no reason to talk since I have none! I'm just offering my
I definitely agree with educating your kids, setting some boundaries and trusting them. Unfortunately, her Mom isn't that kind of Mom and her Dad, well he's coming around but he's done a lot of damage to her emotionally and physically as well. And her Mom's boyfriend, well he sure leaves a lot to be desired...
Quote:
Originally Posted by MadAboutRags View Post
......Too bad you couldn't pick her up for a weekend or something and bring her home with you to hang out... I bet she'd love to get out of the rat race and maybe you could help her gain some perspective on reality in the process? ......
I'd love to do that, but she lives several states away. I used to spend a few weeks each summer at my Grandparent's house, and back then she also lived in the same town. My Grandparent's watched her for my cousin, so I spent my time with her that way. My parent's took her and her little brother to Disney World and she's spent a few weeks here in the summer when she was younger. The last time my Mother went to get her my cousin had fed her all these things to say about why she didn't want to come. When she had called my mother herself and asked to come! My Mom didn't ask her, she sought my Mom out! Then Mom got there and that happened. It was completely ridiculous things and everyone saw right through it, but what could Mom do...make her come? Basically it boils down to my cousin not wanting to loose her little housekeeper.
Quote:
Originally Posted by arie85 View Post
Education isn't easy but I say if that's what giving her some fun... why not? It doesn't sound like she's breaking any law or doing something inappropriate... although lying about age isn't that good, but the whole story sounds pretty 'normal' to me...
I don't really have a problem with her having a Myspace page. My problem is her saying she's so much older than she is. I can see bumping her age up one year, but not four years. The problem is in just that, saying she's so much older. She easily passes for a 17 year old. I don't think she realizes, or maybe even knows, that just dating an older guy can get him arrested for statutory rape. My step-sister started dating a guy who was about that much older than her when she was around that age. Her mother verified it with the police that he could be arrested. And anyone could turn them in, even if my cousin doesn't care. As far as I know, they do have a 2 year up 2 year down law in her area.

I know kids her age are gonna do things. I have very good reason to believe that she is not a virgin. And I know that is really becoming a norm, so that's not really the issue I'm upset with either. Though I wish she'd make some different choices at this point. But let's just keep it simple, let's say she's lying about her age because she wants an older guy to like her. That older guy is assuming she's his age or that she's about to be legal. Well she's not realizing that lying to him about that can get him in serious trouble. I can understand lying for that reason, but she's not looking ahead or at it from anyones perspective but her own. But then do most young people her age?

But she's 13 and spreading her wings and just finding out who she wants to be. She's seen way more and experienced way more than any kid should have to. More than a few times my Aunt has tried to get custody of the kids, but the state never let her. So now she's a young adult who's done grown up things. And I don't just mean one thing, I mean things that were her mother's responsibility like getting her little brother off to school from the time she was in oh, about the third grade. That included making breakfast and getting him dressed. Is this just acting out? Is it cool to pretend to be older? Is it her trying to be what her mother pushes her to be (meaning grown up)?

I just want her to have a better life. She's smart and always has been. But she admitted to purposely doing her class work wrong to make her mother mad. It didn't work and she had to repeat a grade. But how can someone her age be expected to handle all she has? I know other kids go through far worse too. I just wish I could rewind to those days when she and I had a special bond and just take her away and let her be a little girl and then hit this teenage stage and be a teenager without that emotional baggage. She was always my buddy and was a junior bridesmaid in my wedding. I hate that her life has had so much hurt. Every time I've been with her from her toddler-hood up, I've told her how beautiful and smart she was and how much I love her. I just want her to have the good life she deserves.
post #26 of 29
Become her friend and educate her. They have an IM client on myspace, or you could talk on aim or something like that. Keep in touch despite the location. She probably has never had someone talk to her and is just following something that her friends are doing or something like that. Why not just ask her why she is saying shes 17? Try to be there for her without being there.
post #27 of 29
That is so hard...and sadly it seems the way of many young girls nowadays. I wonder its becoming worse as the years roll on.

I have never been through having a young relative or friend that was doing this sort of thing, so I'm really not sure what the best way to handle it would be. If only it were as easy as having a talk with her..but young kids "know everything" so that wouldn't help.

I just hope she doesn't get herself in trouble online..there are alot of freaks and pervs out there

Best of luck..hopefully its just a phase and she will realize soon enough that she is just attracting the wrong attention.

Why can't kids just be kids anymore?
post #28 of 29
I would get on her page and ask her some questions? I guess you can be any age to
have a page on myspace? I don't like that whole thing, to me wouldn't predators have a hayday with all that info? I think the computer is alot of our societies downfall, but not for the catsite though! I would really let her know that you know what she's doing and your on to her! Someone has got to let her know, she may have to take care of a younger brother or sister, but she isn't totally grown yet! There are ways to come off
firm but also caring. maybe that is what she really needs, cause she thinks no one's
watching what she's doing, so why not!? If mom is not going to say anything and you found it, make it between you two, and hey it's a small world, and eyes are everywhere!
I always kinda kid around and say, 'Brainwashing is alive and well in America" when it comes to dealing with my kid! ha ha ha! I'm not here to be his buddy, maybe later, we have got to get grown first! He still thinks I'm cool! So there is a way to be cool and be firm, she'll realize and respect you for caring!!!!!
Good Luck! You might need to make some time for her! She needs postitive attention!
and away from the brother and sister!
post #29 of 29
Our almost 21-year old daughter has never given us any trouble. We always trusted and repected her and valued her opinion. She has turned into a very nice young lady. Never felt the need to check up on her myspace page. She also knows about "cyberphiles" - can thank Law and Order SVU for that.

Anyway, my cousin's daughter, who is exactly 20 years my junior, has been in a long-term menage a trois. Other 2/3 are the parents of the son they are all raising. Whatever.
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