Gender Discrimination *vent*

It seems the only way to get people to see what you are is to flash some cleavage!

I am a cuddly chick, and some days i will go out in a tee and jeans, i have only once been called 'lad' or something like that, because i was all covered up and looked tomboyish. Some days i cant be bothered getting all trussed up. I know that i do look female though lol. As i recall it was an elderly man and i was very irritated.

There have been several occassions where people have truely baffled me by their apperance/dress as to what their gender was. That being said- i never point blank asked eithor, and i certainly think that bounce should be reprimanded. I can understand the bouncer trying to protect the women in the bathroom if he thought a strange man was going in there to possibly hurt the women.(which in the picture- the lady dresses and looks like a man, so you can't blame him for the confusion before she offered her id). Now what i think the bouncer did wrong is that he refused to look at her id when she tried to verify she was in the right restroom- there is no excuse for that, or for kicking her out.

I was mistaken once at a computer fair... back then I wore baggy clothes (if my shirt had been even once size smaller, the mistake would not have been made, my boobs aren't exactly small). I also have short hair at the time and due to a bad hair day was wearing a baseball type cap. I pretty much ignored the comment... the circumstances were the kind where that sort of mistake is easy to make.

But the bathroom? Please... she's going into that bathroom for a reason... she's a girl. Just because she doesn't wear floral prints and have long hair doesn't make her less female. It's what's under the clothes that count. That bouncer was just plain stupid. He should have asked for identification. Period.


I have a feeling this might get moved to IMO, eventually... not just on my account...
Amanda

He deffinately should have asked for ID or even sent a female employee into the restroom just to make sure everything was ok in there. I can see the mistake happening, but it could have and should have been handled much differently.

First of all, why didn't they have protocols to have a female guard go into the female bathroom to make sure every thing's okay? Most places have that for a reason like this. Honestly, at first glance of her picture, I thought she was a guy but on a double take, she looked feminine. Her heart shaped jawline gives is away.

my boyfriend used to get that all the time. we would hear "hello ladies" when we were walking down the sidewalk or whatever. Waitresses at restaurants have said "can I help you ladies?" to us and then felt awful afterwards when my boyfriend looked up at them.

I used to get that alot when I was younger.
My mom kept my hair really short when we lived out in the country.
Mainly because I was outside alot and if I wore my hair long I would get a heat rash on my neck because it's so thick.

I remember one time I was at a store looking at a gigantic stuffed animal and when I went to touch it the salesman said "No no son, don't touch it".
When I turned around I looked him right in the face and said "I am NOT a boy!" and stormed off

It's upsetting that people make assumptions

If I go out in public its mascara and lip shimmers at the minimum. I don't dress boyish anymore, but I always put that little of makeup on just in case...

great post.

I've mistaken women for men before, but I haven't called them on it. Why did the bouncer walk into the ladies room in the first place?? But it may help if she wore women's suits, rather then men's suits.

I remember back in my bar/clubbing days being in a bar where the women's toilet was closed because a plugged toilet flooded. The only working toilet in the building was the men's.

I held off as long as I could, but there comes a point where you just have to go! So I barged into the men's toilet The guys were stunned and aghast that I did that, and management tried to kick me out of the club for having done that.

I retorted that if they tried I would be calling every local media and the health department to tell them about the women's toilet being closed and no provisions made to accommodate us.

After that they had an hourly schedule for the men's toilet.

By rights they shouldn't have even been open if their toilets were out of order, and they knew that.

if you choose to look different from the norm. Then you will pay the price for looking different. That is just the way it is.

that being said, the bouncer should have looked at the ID.

That is GREAT, I'm glad you made them back down. I love it.

Man or woman, in the norm or out people should be allowed to dress however they are comfortable. You won't catch me dead in a dress or a skirt. Can't stand them and never have. I am a jeans and t-shirt kinda girl. And even then you could not look at my clothes and tell gender by that because I wear mens clothes because its easier. And I don't wear make up. Have I been mistaken as a male? Probably at some point but no one ever said it to my face. And if they did they would have been set straight.

I read the article and saw the picture. To me even at first glance I could tell this was a woman. She should be allowed to wear what she likes no matter what people say. The bouncer handled this wrong. He should have looked at her id before doing anything. I am glad this woman brought this to the media.

When I was in high school, I had cut my hair so short, it was shaved at the back. I worked at McDonalds, and had to wear a cap at work. Well, one time these two little girls were at my till with their mother..and I heard them whispering back and forth...

"Is it a girl or a boy?"

"I don't know, it has earrings on.."

"Hmmm"...



To be fair, I looked HIDEOUS with short hair. Appalling actually.

Yes, that is exactly the point. If the bouncer suspected that she (thinking she was a he) presented a danger, he could have watched to make sure women in the ladies room were safe. I don't think he had a right to confront her; however, she was gracious enough to offer her ID. The fact that he refused to look at it is totally wrong!

The bouncer deserves to be fired. ?A position like that requires much better decision making skills. The restaurant should offer a lot more than one meal!

My vote is for unisex bathrooms. Even more than one stall. I've been in so many guys bathrooms (multiple stalls included) just because the womans was closed for cleaning and there were no other public restrooms open nearby (the multi stall ones were fine as I was escorted in by a male friend )

Additionally I always thought it was stupid if you have a one stall womans and one stall mans bathroom. Just create two unisex. The women go into the mens stall half the time anyway.

no one said, they cant. just saying when you step out of what socity seems at the norm, there is price to be payed.

We have unisex lavatories at school, and it works out fine. Students and faculty use the same lavatories. I don't see that working in "very" public restrooms, i.e., at airports, train stations, shopping malls, and the like, because I'd be afraid that young children could more easily be molested.

The bouncer was out of line kicking the people out of the restaurant. But - an ID doesn't mean anything. I have a friend from PA) and an acquaintance (from Germany) who are both transsexuals (male to female), and both of them had to "cross-dress" and live as females, including legally changing their first names and having their birth certificates altered, before they could undergo the final operations.

Then as a society when need to change what we think as "the norm". Men should be able to dress how the please with hair as long as they want it without fear or embarrassment of being called a woman because they dress outside "the norm". And the same for women.

Yes it is a pet peeve of mine that people think men and women should only dress a certain way according to their gender. They should be allowed to dress how they please without people giving them a hard time about it.

I don't think the dude should be fired, I think that would be a tad bit harsh.

actually, if the children are accompanied by the caregiver, that shouldn't be a problem. you'll see many mothers bringing their young boys into the women's restroom with them for that very reason. i know when i used to take my nephews to the movies, i hated having to wait outside the restroom for them when they got 'too old' [read that 'too proud'] for me to take into the women's restroom. i would've been appreciative of a unisex restroom.
if the restrooms were unisex, maybe the men would use better aim, too!

I went through that with three nephews, so I know exactly what you're saying. I hate to see young kids unaccompanied in restrooms because they don't want to be treated like "babies". With my nieces, I always said I had to go, too.

As far as better aim, or remembering to put the seat down again, well, nobody counted on it at school. It was actually discussed at faculty meetings while the school was under construction (one male colleague was notorious for never putting the seat down in the faculty lavatory at the old school). Our building was just completed a little over two years ago, and the plumbing company that put in the lavatories came up with the perfect solution for unisex ones, although it meant fewer stalls. The "stalls" are well-ventilated little rooms, with actual doors, so very private, and contain both toilets and urinals. It's perfect! The price estimates for separate men's and women's rooms vs. unisex ones were so close that it was a no brainer.

Really? From my experience its been the women.

The way I look at it, that would greatly reduce the possibility of predators. If a mom is with her son who is in that "I want to be grown up stage" he'll more than likely want to use the men's bathroom rather than the womens. By eliminating gender bathrooms, the *responsible* mother can at least have the option of checking on her son herself rather than asking another man (a stranger if she's not with a man she knows and trusts) if he's in there a while.

Yup, this happens and not just in bars and clubs, sometimes the lines are too long so the ladies just go and use the mens anyway since it is faster, there are never lines.
Many large public places have one unisex bathroom with a changing table.

Try living and working in a neighborhood where PRIDE is in full swing. Don't get me wrong, I love where I live and I love where I work but most of the time I have a hard time telling who is male and who is female. There is a large populatin of transgender and transsexual people where I live as well as gay and lesbian. I personally love it and so do most of the people I am around but it does get tough when someone comes through my line and I honestly can not tell if they are male, female, a male living as a female or a female living as a female. I pretty much just refere to everyone in the unisex maner. If there is more than one person I say folks if it is just one person I never say one or the other, its always "can I help you or how are you today"? Everyone I work with is the same way. Its like we don't even see a sex any more just a human.

As for the bathrooms, every place I go has the standard male or female sign out front but no one pays attention to them. If you need to go, you need to go. For the most part we know and understand we are all humans and adults so who cares. If a child is with a parent either the parent will wait outside the restroom, if its a different sex or they will just go in. Either way its no big deal. I remember a few weeks back I was waiting to use the bathroom at work and a little boy came in with his dad, the girls room became free and I told them they could go ahead of me. The little boy looked at me like I lost my mind. I told him not to worry that everyone uses both restrooms, it does not matter if you are a boy or a girl, if you gotta go, go. He still looked at me like I was from a different planet, even his dad was like just go in and use it already. Well not 30 seconds later the boys room door opened and out walk someone who was clearly a girl. I thought the little boy was going to wet himself in disbelief. A girl in the boys room, no way. I nearly died laughing. The dad just looked at him and said see, she told you you could use any bathroom, no one cares.

I don't know maybe its just the area. All I know is where I live its every human for themselves. Even the most of the kids are very open and aware of it.

Its kind of cool really to live in a place where you are free to be who you want and not have the fear of judgement, for the most part.