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Pet Diary Excerpts For Your Amusement

post #1 of 6
Thread Starter 
This made my day. Enjoy. -Kristen


"Excerpts from a Dog's Diary"
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

"Excerpts from a Cat's Diary"
Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with
bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh
meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort
of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations
perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my
dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again
vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at
their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their
hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.
However, they merely made condescending comments about what a
"good little hunter" I am. !

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I
was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the
event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I
overheard that my confinement was due to the power of
"allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to
my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one
of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking.
I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and
snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly
released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is
obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I
observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain
that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged
protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.
For now...
post #2 of 6
Wow thanks that made me laugh.
post #3 of 6

Oh my goodness, how true! Thats one thing I always tease my friends who own dogs about. Puppies are sooooo excited because every moment is the "best thing ever!!!111".
post #4 of 6
TOO funny!
post #5 of 6
post #6 of 6
I love that!!!!
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