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Oh no...a cat in need...it's an emergency...do I take her in?

post #1 of 24
Thread Starter 
I am so uncertain as to what to do...waiting for my roomie to get home to discuss it.

A friend of a friend is moving today, and her situation isn't good. Her boyfriend left her - and left her with his cat, a DLH tuxedo, very sweet girl currently answering to Jasmine.

This woman also has a skittish, attitudish DSH tuxie, which is HER baby. Not friendly at all. Name of Roxy.

This woman cannot take either of the cats into her new living arrangement, which was pretty much an emergency, last minute thing. The furniture is being moved out, the cats are shut up separately at the old apartment.

She said she tried Craig's list and has asked all around, but no one will take them.

I definitely can't take both. IF, big giant IF I take any, it would be the easier-going long hair, simply due to who my cats are - she would blend in more easily, not upset the current status quo so much.

I definitely can NOT take the unfriendly short hair with the attitude.

I can't stand by and go to sleep tonight without helping at least one of them - that's how I feel. I really can't afford to feed another, but was told she'll eat anything with no issues, so...

OMG - what am I thinking? What am I doing? I know of NO ONE that will take the other, Roxy. Which is the cat that means more to her than the long-hair, abandoned by the bf.

If I take the tuxie, she'd be a permanent addition. Can I do this? Should I do this? What if I don't? What happens to them?

Can I live with myself if I say no to both? If I say no to Roxy, but take in the tuxie? Can I live with myself if I take her in? Can I swing it financially?

She comes with carrier, is spayed, shots up to date as far as I know...oh my head...I am completely losing my mind - HELP! What do I doooooooo!?!?
post #2 of 24
Betsy....BREATHE!!! It won't do either of them any good for you to pass out!

You know the "easy" answer is to take the emergency situation cats into your home permenently. Have you thought of other possible solutions for her? Is there a no-kill shelter in your area you/she could contact? Would you be able to foster one for a private rescue?
post #3 of 24
Why don't you foster them while you and your friend look for new homes for them? Then you can really decide if you can even take one. I'd be tempted by the Long-haired too though.

Is your friend likely to move from the place where she has just moved into? Is this a temporary thing until she gets herself sorted after the split, or a more permanent base?
post #4 of 24
I agree! Why not foster them until you can either find a forever home or your friend gets a permanent solution.
post #5 of 24
I agree with fostering- is your place big enough to handle 2 more cats?
No matter what you do decide to do, I'm sending vibes - calming ones - your way
post #6 of 24
Thread Starter 
Well, she is only an acquaintance I met a couple of times at my friend's house at cookouts. I don't know her that well at all, nor do I really know the cats, although I did meet them once. I did not get a good vibe from Roxy at all - I couldn't bring her into my bunch, she'd be trouble I'm not equipped to deal with right now.

We have a no-kill shelter in our town, and I don't know if she's looked into anything there - our conversation was hurried as she was on her way out the door with a load of stuff to get it to the storage place.

I don't know what to think or do. I can't take both cats into my home - shutting a cat up in my place has proven to not be effective or entirely possible. I can't feed two additional cats for certain, one would be stretching it right now.

I won't foster - if I take that long-hair in, she'll stay. I will not take that short hair in - call me cold, but her personality isn't coming into my little apartment.

It looks like my roomie won't be home until late - he should have been here by now. I really have to talk to him about it.
post #7 of 24
Do you have a separate room where the cats can stay and not intermingle with your cats. If so, I'd try to foster them and see what you can do for a set amount of time. Say if no homes can be found for them in 2 months, then decide whether or not to take them to the shelter.

But you can't have your household upset either. Its a hard decision to be in. Hope something can be worked out for all concerned.
post #8 of 24
Thread Starter 
I do not have a separate room at all.

I recently moved from a small 2 bedroom into an even smaller one, and I am not yet finished getting unpacked and organized.

My three cats will not allow closed doors unless one is using the toilet or shower, and even then, they fuss. I tried keeping them in my bedroom for the first few days but they wouldn't allow it, escaping at first opportunity, one after the other, so I had to let them just roam at will.

I repeat: if I take any at all, it will be the ONE. I cannot and will not take both, I can NOT be a foster. I do not have the real life network with shelters and cat lovers that many of you have. And I do not have the time or inclination to become a feline activist - I am in the process of stepping BACK from volunteerism, as my health has been affected by it to a great degree.

I have to be selfish to myself and FOR my three kits: I will not take in the short hair due to personality, period, and I can only try not to feel too badly about it.

I can't even state for sure that I can take in the long hair.

I just don't want to go to bed tonight feeling like I could have at least helped out one of them, you know? But I have serious limitations here.

Fostering is NOT an option.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45 View Post
Do you have a separate room where the cats can stay and not intermingle with your cats. If so, I'd try to foster them and see what you can do for a set amount of time. Say if no homes can be found for them in 2 months, then decide whether or not to take them to the shelter.

But you can't have your household upset either. Its a hard decision to be in. Hope something can be worked out for all concerned.
post #9 of 24
Betsy, Whatever you decide, it has got to be the right decision for your crew. They are your #1 priority. You are not a bad person if you decide you just can't take in a new addition. If it is going to stretch the budget don't do it.
post #10 of 24
Only you know if it will work .... I agree dont push it finacially or if you think the existing clan will be upset( past the ohhh myy there is a new comer

post #11 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by snosrap5 View Post
Betsy, Whatever you decide, it has got to be the right decision for your crew. They are your #1 priority. You are not a bad person if you decide you just can't take in a new addition. If it is going to stretch the budget don't do it.
That's exactly what I was thinking.

I've had a few people try to talk me into kittens this year and I said no. I have a cat with cancer and a compromised immune system because of that. I'm very worried about all the bugs a barn kitten would have. And I will absolutely not disrupt the household. We have a good dynamic going, the cats' personalities mesh really well.

Keep in mind, more cats + small spaces can equal big problems.
post #12 of 24
Thread Starter 
Maybe I shall go crawl under my covers, pull them over my head, and pretend I never heard about these cats while simultaneously sending out vibes that she is able to find a place for both of them...

post #13 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by GingersMom View Post
Maybe I shall go crawl under my covers, pull them over my head, and pretend I never heard about these cats while simultaneously sending out vibes that she is able to find a place for both of them...

No, just go hold your babies close. You have worked so hard getting the dynamics to work in your home. You need to tell yourself that at this time "I can not add to my crew and that does not make me a bad person!"
post #14 of 24
If nothing else, if you know of a no-kill shelter, for your own heart's sake give them a call and find out if she would be able to surrender them under the circumstances. Since it is an emergency and all, they may be able to find space for them. Then you can, in good conscious say that you cannot disrupt your feline household, but give her a viable alternative. Whatever happens after that is up to her.
post #15 of 24
Helping her find a place for them will help you feel better. When we find kitties (which happens occasionally) we make sure they get to the humane society so their owners have a chance to find them or that they can be adopted out. (We never found any with tags )

It's hard to say no, but you can still help.
post #16 of 24
Yes... you should make some calls, drive and deliver them, anything you can do -- but it's okay if you can't bring them into your own house. Surely there's somewhere, someone... a rescue organization, a tech at a vet clinic, a clerk at a pet shop...?
post #17 of 24
Thread Starter 
She can get my phone number through a mutual friend if she needs to contact me.

I just can't - and WON'T - take on this woman's responsibility as my own, I have much too much on my plate as it is.

She adopted Roxy from the local nokill shelter, so she certainly knows where to go to talk to the right people.

I'm not a rescuer. I don't have the network, the time or the inclination. And as I stated before, my volunteerism (way too much in the last 6-7 years) has negatively affected my health - I've decided that I'm not taking this on, I just can't do it.

Thanks for all your advice, but I choose to leave this one in the hands of the woman who is responsible for the lives of these animals. Hopefully, she will take the correct steps.

And I REFUSE to feel guilty about it.
post #18 of 24
I agree that you have to put your cats first. It's no good saving another cat only to cause stress among your own. Do you have any friends or family who could give one or more of these cats a room for a day or 2 until something more permanent can be sorted out?
post #19 of 24
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by urbantigers View Post
Do you have any friends or family who could give one or more of these cats a room for a day or 2 until something more permanent can be sorted out?
I do not, unfortunately. Hence my final decision to simply let go of this and move on.
post #20 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by GingersMom View Post
I do not, unfortunately. Hence my final decision to simply let go of this and move on.
It's probably for the best. You tried.
post #21 of 24
I agree - there's only so much you can do. We can't help every cat out there and need to put our own furbabes first.
post #22 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by urbantigers View Post
I agree - there's only so much you can do. We can't help every cat out there and need to put our own furbabes first.
I know we all want to help them all, but your first responsibility is to your existing brood and honestly, even if it wasn't a financial stretch, they're just getting into their own dynamic. It's too soon to bring in another. I think you made the best decision.
post #23 of 24
You are wise, Betsy. If you can't help without disrupting your own crew, then you can't help, because they come first -- and there's nothing to feel guilty about. Good on you for recognizing that.
post #24 of 24
The most responsible thing is to be able to say no and recognise that... if you can't manage it, you can't manage it. It would be downright irresponsible to take on more cats if you can't afford it/don't have space/don't have time/it would upset existing family (fur or otherwise).
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