Love

What can I say, Blue. I have said it before your work leaves me speechless. . . . . Love is definitely your best subject matter and poetry your best medium.

WOW

it's the truth that is always most beautiful, and it is special.

In a world of blackness
Life cast in shadow

Where is the light?

I cannot find what I search in darkness
Does this not reflect

My inner being?

Alone in the world
Unable to call out the demons

Haunting my hearts desire

Where shant I find her?
Be it not she finds me

Pondering tranquility with fervor

In those eyes I find peace
As in a calm midnight ocean

Sharks circle beneath her surface

Threatening attack
Not to me is she dangerous

I have weathered the storm of that stare

Mirroring the reflection as my own
Knowing so completely

Words spoken with no scentences

In that I comprehend
As two - as one

Together as a whole

Is in this the answers?
To which our world can mold

A mutual
Understanding

A piercing grasp
Beyond the whispers

Echoing on a fading breeze

Without doubt I know
Futures question answered

What is to be will be

Fate
Predictable not?

A shared connection

Never
Broken shall it show

Our strength is in our depth

Built upon days of time
I suppose minutes of patience will suffice

Waiting
Longing
Needing

A nurtured fulfillment

[Edited by MeowMan on 05-13-2001 at 01:52 PM]

MeowMan; (Chuck), I am moved by the depth of your feelings for her and at the scope of your pain. I have read your lengthy posts on what this relationship means to you, but you have reached me better thru this verse. I cry because of memories that I have of a fullfilled relationship gone, but I also ache for you to have the opportunity to make such memories with Helen. . . . . . . Darlene

When
The memories wash
Through my every

Gasp
Sedating my will to
Try

Tiresome efforts
Never die
To falter this would be to

Lie

Still I beckon to
Want
Need
Desire

Her
Heart and soul
To complete my quest

Within her embrace
Satiated

A dream
There I cannot yet
Be

Waning time
Like a sunsets basking glow
Holding for the

Moment
Her caresses content
My mind

Until such time
Questions raised

One word uttered

When?

Thank you Darlene and Katie.

Katie, These are the first of poetry of this style that I have ever written. Some of my former, conventional type poetry has actually been published, but this style is completely new to me and I find I am able to convey my heart better in this style than any other I have tried.

But, in all honesty, I must say that it has been yours that has inspired me to reach beyond my own walls of conventionalism to break new ground within myself. So, to you, I offer my gratitude and thanks. Especially for sharing your own sincerities in your words.

You know, some of my best writing has been done while....ahem.....being in a 'hightened' state after having a few drinks...Most of the time I'm straight, level and clear headed when I do. But, now that you've mentioned it, I'm wondering what I could come up with if I broke out a glass of Bicardi and coke. LOL. Hhmmmmm?

MeowMan; Your poetry is so fluid and free. The artist and teacher in me would love to see you try your hand at painting (perhaps water colors). Maybe you have tried taking up the brush before?

(I do not, however, recommend the Bacardi and cola to accompany the painting. . . . . one Jackson Pollard per century, please! laugh, laugh)

I have never tried painting, unless you count my filmmaking, as it is, in essence, painting with light and actors and capturing the moment through the lens. I have a VERY asthetic view of the world and convey it the same way when I make a film.

I have attempted to do sketch art work and realized I can't seem to capture the image that I see in my mind on paper. I found it frustrating because I held a certain image in the landscape of my mind and found conveying it to paper was very difficult. I have thought that I might like to try painting, but would I, again, be able to capture my minds world on canvas? I would prefer to create from within rather than duplicate what really exsists in reality, though my minds picture is based on reality.

I think this is why I like filmmaking, because my vision moves and takes on a realism. But, even here, the way the lens captures it is usually not half as close as I envisioned it.

Perhaps I will try picking up a sketch art pad and pencils again. After all, it has been nearly 8 years since I tried.

Chuck; Please try the brush. It takes to the fluid beauty an asthetic such as yourself sees. I suggest watercolor and don't worry about formal tehnique; artistic minds, such as yours, need not be slave to rules or criticism. Painting is another form of expression. Go express yourself. . . . .

Timid hearts
Not open to your innocence

Exploring it as I have

Bravery
Venturing into the unknown
Fear
Intimidating saints

Altering your path
Confining you
To their stars

Limiting
Where happiest you’ve been

Images drawn in sand
Washed away by times surf

Never again fulfilled
As once
We were


Pleasure
To pain
Ecstasy
To remorse

Life’s grasp
Past

Fleetingly
We lost our direction
Forever
Stripped apart

Our minds not traveled
Within each other

To it’s end

Now
Only memories
Waft upon my senses

Leaving me

Cold
Barren

Into the our undiscovered
Land

Alone

This last one is about my first love, Kathy. Whom I loved so passionately that it danced me close to the abyss, where I saw my worst darkness and fear born of her absence.

All I have of that love is the memories, though she still calls me every week, it could never be the same. Never work again. I miss what we had, that youthful passion, jaded by age and wisdom on both our parts. Her then 17, me 25.

Geez, aren't I sounding magnanamous tonight? OK, I'm in an 'elevated' state of mind and these are the words I poured from inside. You may like it, feel it or even hate it. If a tear is shed, then it is 1 trillionth of the pain of losing Kathy to her coma and, eventual, pregnancy by a man she didn't love.

Yikes! OK, I'm blabbering now. Goodnight!

I hope that I'm not conglomerizing this thread too much. If I am, tell me to stop. Thanks to Katie's insite, I am finding that I enjoy this new style of writing (new to me that is) a lot and would like to see what you all have to say in response. So, please, critique away.

I guess that I am writing a lot about Helen because she is currently a very active part of my life and my feelings run very deep for her.

MORE REFLECTIONS OF HELEN...

Long have I
Cowered
In the corner of your world

Until you lead me
Into knowing you
As no other has
Or will

I fathom your screams
Cries
Of desperation
To be more

Time
Made me what you wanted
Understanding
All I had yearned

Our first kindling moment
Gone
Hoping for still another
Whilst I wait

An eternity’s age

For the tears of your heart
In another
Washes away my own

Cleansing
My fears
My jealousies

Born again
Inside you
I rise above your preconceptions

To make you whole
Closing your circle
Knowing

Where no other can
I will stand

With you

Our shared souls
No one can see

Contented
Complete

Here's my attempt at describing my first true love. I don't have a title for it.



It doesn’t make sense
And it hurts my head
To figure out the whys

Love found and then lost
A big conspiracy
And what is it all for

Even still I smile
At the thought of you
Convinced it was all worthwhile

No regrets, no remorse
Just a head full of songs
That bring me back to a day

When I would sit
And you would lay
And tell me just to be

I learned to love
You learned to let love
Grow you to a better place

Even still I smile
With a head full of songs
Glad for love found and then lost

you are most blessed for being able to write 'prose' with such meaning and feelings... there is something about 'non-rhyming' poetry, that.. you KNOW comes 'straight from the heart'.. and no 'mental thought' for rhyming..... please?.. for us to be able to read more?... am posting one of only.. 'two'.. of MY prose.. and.. as you can tell.. does NOT have that 'personal feeling, touch' that yours does....... thank you for sharing that 'inner part' of yourself...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
love is......


the meaning of love, the definition..how to determine..
do you love, are you in love?
how to say, how to decide?

have always heard that..if you can say...
then is not true, ..is not real..as...
love has no meaning, no specifics.

love is unique to each individual...
is tailored and customed to each person.
is indefinable..indescribable.

to love....is..
wanting the other's total happiness
regardless of how it affects ourself.
to help fulfill the other..

to be loved...is..
being totally fulfilled..
to be accepted for what i am.

to love and be loved is....
caring, support, comfort, understanding..
listening..and hearing what is said and meant
sharing....in all that is, ... the other
looking beyond any faults and shortcomings
seeing the real person inside
being there, whenever, however is needed....
having all wants and needs, even those unconscious desires, met..

love is....fulfillment and satisfaction
acceptance, comfort, joy and happiness
committment, hope, promise
mutual sharing of feelings and thoughts
love is so much more than words can say...

love is....

Bitter and brittle and careworn am I;
Too angry for tears, unable to cry.
He I loved left me without a good-bye.
Promised forever, alone with a lie;
I utter no word, no whisper, no sigh.
I sit in the dark--let time pass me by.

Michelle 1996

Of the three that I have written about Helen in the last week, this one is the most recent, but my least favorite. But, I share it here with you anyway. MINDY: I missed yours til' after my earlier post, but I wanted to say yours was jsut beautifully sad. We have all experienced the hurt of heartbreak and those experiences shows in each of our writings.
________________________________________________________
I feel
You

I anticipate
You

I sense
You

I know
You

So completely
And harmoniously

I am embraced by your
Essence

Enveloped by your
Soul

Rapt by your
Presence

Hypnotized by your
Smile

As the rain clouds close upon me
Pelting me with their tears
My yearning for you grows
Unbound by our fears

The road is littered with debris
Remnants of the war
That has raged inside your heart
Burned by bitter scorn

Where no other man can tread
The place inside you I know so well
The destination at journey’s end
Captivated by your rhythmic spell

To this end
I shall reach
Your trust in me
Never breached

As ultimate wanting
Clutches at our hearts
When the final embrace comes
I will welcome you

Encompass you
Aura’s meshed
Together as one

Understanding beyond perception
Your needs to be filled
Without doubt
Without question

As you burn inside of me
Engulfing my very nature
A rapture of our culmination
Crescendo’s reached

In the ecstasy of your world
In the brief moments we share
There are no words
Need be spoken

A half made whole
As in one

soul

I long to remove your name from my memory
But you wrote it in permanent ink
And no matter how hard I scrub
That graffitti can't be washed off my heart

I wrote my name in pencil
And your eraser has been busy

reading and hearing your poetry alexnell.. ?.. led me to this writing........ and i 'dedicate' it to you.. (hope you do not mind......... ?)....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

hollow promises



such hurt do her words speak
betrayal and pain
so bitter and angry
a tempest of rain

her words so describe
and tell of the 'storm'
that left her bereft..
and took away all that's warm

the roll of the thunder
and stab of light-ning
on the memories of raindrops
just enforce her feel-ing

non-erasable ink..
on HER heart she did write!
but in pencil HE wrote
'empty promises' of night

is no consolation..
of this i know true
for all of us others..
to speak up to you

but some, we do feel the pain
and hope... you will find...
with another you'll find peace
........ someday... and with time......

gata.. 05/22/01
(inspired by and dedicated.. to .. 'alexnell')

You are such a sweetheart. I'm so touched and honored. No one's ever written me a poem before! Thank you.

I've been very fortunate in the years since I wrote those 2 poems. Shortly after I wrote Bitter, I was coerced into going on a blind date. I married the mystery man 3 years later and we will celebrate our second anniversary this October. He's a wonderful guy who lets me be who I am . He also puts up with my cat addiction, and has caught the bug himself. (Guess who decided to keep Nell, the former foster cat, instead of getting a dog?)

You "love poets" have so much to say! And you say it well. Thank you for your insights into that greatest of life's mysteries.



=^..^=

This poem was written by Helen. It is so beautiful that I thought I'd share it.


Drowned in the flames of desire
A caress of warm flesh through
Strands of gold

While the tension of want flows
Sweetly through my lips
In anticipation

An absence so long sustained
But for a moment that which was
Missing is only inches away from
Being fulfilled

An explosion of fire and water
Flows through my blood so
Furiously I can feel the crystals
Blind in my eyes

What was so pure the sun and
Stars drop from sight and are blinded
By the heaven created
With just the warm touch
Of the heat mingled between bodies

That first treasure that speaks
No words and utters no sound
And yet all who experience understand

What will come from such gold lined love?
Who knows...

What matters is the fire that burns now

Chuck; The more I learn about Helen, or should I say; the more that is revealed to me, the better I come to understand the DEPTH of your "feelings" for her. You two seem to be "cut from the same cloth" (emotionally) and perhaps are "Meant for eachother". My best wishes go with you and may they serve as silent 's to hasten your union. . .


Darlene
=^.".^=

She is my best friend and though we were, at one time, very briefly, lovers, our relationship has surpassed that into a REAL bond of mutual respect and admiration and love. Personally, I don't think her marriage will last, but Allen IS a nice guy, so out of respect for them both, if their marraige goes bottom up, it won't be because of me. I guess patience is a virtue. But, deep down inside, I honestly believe that she and I will, one day, be together. We know each other so well and can read one another so well, that I can't see living my life w/o her. Well, I'll share another poem Helen wrote in a new post.