help with cat who has been abused

Hi All! It's been 5 days since we started to ignore Piper. Well I have been reading to her while she eats, and talking to her when she looks at me, I have even held my hand out (with nothing) and she will come and sniff it, but no rubbing. But I can actually see differences in her behavior, she is much more relaxed and her facial expression is more alert and curious, happy looking (call me crazy, but really she looks different). She is also not hiding under the bed, only for a little while when strangers come over, but after they are here for a half hour she will come and eat, (ofcourse not approaching me or the strangers! but staying in the same room! The other change is that usually the kitten chases her and she runs away, now she is playing back, and even going after him (after he initiates) no hissing or growling just pawing/hugging eachother!
I can't believe the treatment is already showing differences? She will still run if I come too close to her, but if she walks near me she is fine, she will stay on the bed with me (not touching me) and sit on the top of the couch. I am a lot more hopeful that our relationship is improving, and Sandi if it weren't for your post, I probably would have not known what to do with Piper, as vets have just kept telling me this is who she is and it cannot be changed. Her eyes are getting sweeter everyday, I hope the good changes continue. I also noticed she is watching the toys I am playing with the kitten more than the kitten now...is that a good sign?

Anita,

Your post put a smile on my face! You are doing GREAT with your kitty. You are doing everything right. Let her figure it out first that she is in a safe place and very soon you will have a lap cat. Don't expect anything from her, continue to do as you are doing, and she will relax with you more and more. I have 14 cats all who were as wild as a march hare at one time. People told me I was nuts with 5 of them, calling them un-manageable and unreachable, and it simply is not true. Patience, kindness, consistency, all pays off in the end. You will see!

Anita - with the help of people from this board, Vets have been proved wrong time and time again about cat behavior. You are not imagining things!!!!!

Her watching you play with the little kitty is great! It's part of the curiosity she's allowing to develop as she feels safer at home and isn't in the "fight or flight" mode.

All of this is wonderful news! YOU GO GIRL!!!!! Love and patience work like magic!

That's just wonderful Anita!! I'm so glad you are seeing progress so soon. You are showing Piper that you aren't a threat to her, that you respect her space. The more you do it, the more she will trust you. Once that trust is established for her, she won't easily lose it.

Good for you and good for Piper! She sounds so much more happy!

Hi Anita! I've been wondering about Piper.... (I think I got spoiled by Sandi writing in so frequently )

How are you and Piper doing?

Hi! Oh gosh! I have some great news!!!! Well maybe not huge, but huge to me! Remember the other day I mentionned Piper watching the toy last time...it was a piece of string on the floor that I was twirling like a snake. Anyways today, Piper had wanted some wet food (she makes this mrr sound) so I gave her some, and then she still stayed in the kitchen, in the same spot on the floor where she was wathcing the kitten play with the sring on the floor the last time. So first I thought she wanted more food, but no that wasn't it, so I said maybe she wants to play?? the kitten was asleep, so I figured why not give it try....so I go the string out, turn the lights off (night light on)waving it on the floor, talking to her softly as I have been when she eats, and her eyes were glued. this went on for 10 minutes or so, and then when it got close to her, she pawed at it 3 times then sniffed it and went to munch on some dry food! I know only like three times, but still it was awesome I got to see this beautiful cat play! Even if it was only for a second! It gave me so much hope that she is really more happy! She still hasn't come to us for any pets yet though, but she will come to our hands and sniff stuff..Another reason why this was so shocking to me, was that I had a friend over today, and she hid under the bed for a long time even after they left, so I thought maybe we were going back a step. but then this happenned! Thanks for wondering LDG about us! I am dying to pet her, but me and my husband have been very good,but we have been talking to her when she looks at us, while we talk her ears are always perked! My husband is a little upset that although she won't run from me so much anymore, she still runs way when he comes near, and goes under the bed....

Even the smallest thing is huge when you have a kitty like that. I was so thrilled the first time Pearl got the nerve to be naughty! It sounds like you are doing right by her, bless your heart.

Oh, Anita,

You are doing great! I know exactly about the frustration and sadness that come when your kitty isn't responding right away even though you're doing all you can to make it happen. Not too long ago, I felt such despair (really) because I was trying to do everything right and Lucky still wasn't going to give an inch. Now, I look back and it's crazy. All of the sudden, Lucky started allowing us to pet her and she LOVED it. She gives us headbutts on our nose and I must admit it, I still get all excited when this happens. The first time she put her butt in my face I was a little put off - thinking she was giving me the cold "shoulder", but then I read it's an honor to have this happen. So, now I put up with it.

Keep up everything you're doing and soon enough Piper will be comfortable and confident - and you'll be much happier. Believe me - better days are coming. Hang in there and keep up the wonderful job you're doing. It will pay off in the long run.

BTW, your babies are SOOOOO CUTE!!!

Hey Sandi! I'm glad to know I am not the only one who sometimes goes crazy with cats! I have some more news, same senario playing occurred with Piper and the kitten last night 1:30am, the string on the floor, and this time Piper played for like ten minutes! This time she pawed at it and bit it many times! It was so amazing! I she seemed to only go for it when I told her too, with a soft loving voice! It was so cool! I gave her a treat afterwood hoping she understand how pleased I was! Eventhough my kitten plays like wacko there is something so special about seeing a cat like piper play! I guess it means a lot when you have to earn the trust! Overall play time was like 25 (with her and the kitten! This pleased me immensly however my husband is getting more upset, because she seems to only be warming up to me! If I say come here Piper point with my finger, sometime she will come! (she would stop swatting the string when he came near, even the first time she played earlier, he wasn't there and he didn't believe me! Then when he saw, he was happy for Piper, but upset that she keeps running from him! I thinkg it's because her former owner, the dog person, was a male. With my husband it's probably going to take a lot more time... When I saw her play and the the trust in finally interacting with me after 5 months, I could actually picture her cuddling! When think back to how before we got the kitten, Piper never moved, looked , watch or even seemed the least bit interested in us or toys... and last night she was like a different cat, like she came alive! This confirmed us getting the kitten was a good decision! I don't think she would have palyed if it weren't for watching the kitten all this time! I am going to try to have these play sessions everyday, and maybe if I am lucky it will lead to pet eventually! OH yeah, Sandi that head bump that Lucky gives you is awesome, my kitten does it to me and my husband when we come home, and in the mornings! It's the cutest! It is definetly a sign of contentment! Leo purrs while doing it! my kitten right now is chasing the mouse curser on the computer screen, so if you guys notice the typos in my posts it's not my fault, it hard to see with my furbaby's paws on the screen! once he even push the back button on the keyboard, and deleted one of my replies! He is so funny, he also watches animal planet! and some people think cat's don't have personality!

Anita that is just awesome that Piper is PLAYING! She is definitely beginning to trust you more and more.

I think you are right about how she is reacting to your hubby. Reassure him that it isn't personal, she has memories of a man treating her very badly. It will take more patience from him than from you. When possible, have him give her wet food and special food treats. That way, even if she's still skittish of him, she will start associating him with good things. Have him talk to her while she's eating the food, make a conscious effort to be around her when she's eating her wet food. It didn't take her long to warm up to you by doing this, and it should work to start gaining the trust for a man as well. It will take a little longer because of her history with men.

Sandi, I agree with what Heidi says. Another thing I would suggest is have your husband sit on the floor in the room where Piper is and try the string trick. Get a feather and tie it to the end of the string and move it slowly then rest it along the floor. The feather will trigger Piper's prey response and she should pounce on it quicker than if it was just string alone. Also tell hubby to remove his shoes and sit there in his socks. She will get used to his scent quicker and he will be less of a threat out of those hard shoes that she associates with pain or discomfort. (In other words, with her last owner, the first thing she saw from her level were those shoes and then the abuse or whatever started soon after that) Good luck!

Thanks, Heidi! My husband had thought of that! This morning he was like don't giver her the wet food, I want too! I generally have more patience than him, sometimes he can be quite difficult! But I am happy he is willing to handle Piper the way I have learned to, through this site!

hey Hissy, I just read your reply! I will definetly try the feather, and tell my husband to do what you said! It sounds like a good idea!
The string is a long shoe lace, and I zig zag is so it moves like a snake! now I am anxious to see her reaction with the feather, if I see her pounce, I will be so happy!

Gosh - everytime I'm not here for a while so much happens! LOL! Maybe I should disappear for a few days - she'll be head-butting you by the time I log back on!

What great, great news!

Poor hubby - and I'm convinced that most men have less patience than women to begin with.

...and what about the smelly shirt? Have hubby sweat up a T-shirt or sweatshirt or something, and put it near where she sleeps (or eats). Maybe that will help her warm up to him more quickly, too.

??????

What beautiful, beautiful babies they are!

Oh, Anita,

I can understand how your husband must be feeling when Piper runs from him. See, I was the one doing most of the "work" with Lucky and who does she end up loving the most? My hubby. I was very bummed out and discouraged about this, but tell your husband to hang in there - Piper will come around. What we did was after Lucky got used to us, I tried spending lots of time in the room with her - playing and doing fun stuff. I also did what the other gals (Debby, Heidi, Hissy, Laurie, hope I'm not forgetting anyone) told me to do and wore a t-shirt for 3 nights straight and put it under her food dish. That way she associated me with wonderful things. Also, when I'd take in a special treat of wet food or a small bit of tuna on occasion, I'd sit right by the bowl and not move and just let her eat it. It seems to have worked well for me. Now, even though I think Lucky does favor my s/o, she still gives me so much love and affection. I think she just loves us in different ways. Also, she loves to rub her face against my husbands scratchy beard - and since I don't have a beard, I usually get a little nose bump. I'm still envious sometimes, but also very happy. So, tell your hubby to hang on - when that time comes when Piper totally accepts him - it will be well worth the wait.

Gosh, I'm so happy things are rolling along for you!

Oh my sweet Piper! Tonight was a big night for us!!!For those who have followed my posts, as you know Piper has changed so much!!! She now jumps on our laps, and purrs and kneads on my husband!

But the play time interactive with us only happened once but for a few seconds....untill tonight!!

my question is the reason why???

Tonight I made steak on the barbeque...I gave her a little treat (is this ok? I never gave her stake before (I gave her a aprt with no spices)then later while watching tv the two other kitties were sleeping, and Piper was rolling on the floor licking herself like she does when she is happy, but for much longer, then she started running to me, and running away super fast coming back and forth to me and then away....so first I thought she wanted me to go in the computer room, but no that wasn't it. Then she run up on the ktichen chairs and started predatory playing...so I said gee maybe she wan'ts me to play with her???
so i got a toy out, but the other kitties awoke, and she watched but didn't play, but I really had the feeling she wanted to. so I put the other kitties in the other room, and came back to piper, got the string and she went WACKO! and I mean wacko! she was chasing/ swatting biting running with the string in her mouth! It was unbeleivable, just like a kitten, she was playing like our other kitties, so alert and rambuctious, I still can't believe it! I wanted to cry I was so happy, and wish I had a camera because no one will believe she did this!!! It was for a good amount of time too!

My question though is was it the meat that got her so happy/hyper?
or is it just a coincidence?

Anita that is WONDERFUL!!!! I don't know if it was the meat, but something triggered in her. It was like that with Ophelia too, one day she would just let us do something or want something she never had before.

The only thing I can think of with steak is to be sure she doesn't get onion powder on it, as that's very bad for kitties.

cool, it is so neat to hear your expiriences with Ohpelia, It's nice to know someone else has expirienced the same thing as me...

oh, I didn't put any onion on the stakes, just salt pepper and garlic, and I gave her pieces from the middle....I didn't know if stake was and acceptable meat for cats...and I gave her very tiny pieces just in case...

I wonder if Piper will do that again, it was like she was possessed, like the kitten came out in her!

your Ophleia is so cute by the way!!! any other dotires of unexpected things she did I'd love to hear!!

Ophelia is really picky about playing with us, too. But once we figure out what her toy of choice it, watch out! LOL We had some of those big hair-tie like things that go around the trash can to keep the bag from falling in, and one of them broke so it was just a long straight piece. Once I picked that up, she was ON IT! Every night she would ask very nicely to play (she would sit in the area that she wanted me to play with her in, and look at the string, look at me, the string, me, the string, me....)

The biggest surprise she ever gave me was when she decided she wanted to love me. She's been Daddy's girl since she was a wee kitten, and she would prance around and rub on him and beg for pets and scritches. But she wouldn't do that for me. She would tolerate some pets, but she never asked for them. One day she went up on the box at the end of our bed and acted toward me the same way she acts toward hubby. I was smiling for about 3 days after she did that!

Piper is a real pretty girl too, Anita.

neat, so once she did what she does to your husband to you, did she continue to do it to you regularily?

oh and thanx! I ofcourse think Piper is pretty, I call her my gorgeous girl, cause she is prissy like, grooming, always testing things and people... before she drinks she dips her paw in the bowl, and then licks her paw and then dips again and licks again several times before she actually drinks! it's so funny, but we must sneek to watch, when she see us she stops...she also sniffs all food and treats a few times before eating, where my other kitties are like vacuums.

Piper has also been coming to me more, but I think part of the problem is the other two kitties are always with me.... yesturday I was watching a movie lying on my bed, and she stood up on the ledge, wanting to come up, but then she spotted both kitties sleeping in curled up balls behing my legs, so she ran away, and sat on the floor near the bed.
she doesn't love the other cats, but she doesn't mind them either, (except when they try to catch her or her tail!!) usually, and the other kitties are not glued to my husband, so she can be alone with him more....so do you think that's why she shows him more affection than me? Cause I know she likes me, she, like the others will almost always be in the same room as me. and she watches like a hawk when I play with the other kitties...

I wonder if that string I am using is her favorite toy...

the toy you are discribing is it plastic or string?

I hope Piper will give me a sign again when she wants to play! Because sometimes it is so hard to read what she wants!!