Good Grief! I have a "date"!

Well, he arrived shortly after 7pm and left a few minutes ago.

He brought over 1.5 litres of red wine!!!!

He drank more than I was comfortable with, but whether that was due to nerves or a "habit" I don't know. Something for me to watch for the next time.

He respected me enough to understand that I take relationships slow. I can't say he was happy to hear that, because I know he was disappointed. I think he was secretly hoping that I would get "tipsy" and fall into bed with him We hugged a few times before he left. I let him kiss me on the cheek and told him that I like to take a relationship slowly and get to know someone before physical intimacy comes into it.

According to him he likes me enough to want to see me again, but I told him that he has to respect my wishes and move at MY pace and that nothing more physical will happen until I'm comfortable with it and it feels right to me.

I did tell a white lie and told him that I had a doctor appointment tomorrow morning in order to give me a reason to end the evening. He asked if I was taking Handi Transit. I lied and said no, that I forgot to book it and was taking a cab. He said he would call me in the morning if he has a break in his schedule and drive me there I tried to get out of that by telling him that I may leave hearly and go to the mall first before the doctor. He said he would call anyway to check.

Anyway, the ball is in his court. He knows that I don't fall into bed with the first person I come across and I told him flat out that I like to take things slow and if he wants to see me again it's at my own pace, not his. So we'll see.

He's very nice though. He's from South Africa. His father is from South Africa and his mother is from Trinidad. He has the most amazing steel blue eyes and the best profile I've seen on a man in a long time. Definitely cute! And if he is willing to take a relationship slowly I will see him again.

One draw back is that he smokes I told him that I don't allow smoking in my apartment so he went outside once to have a cigarette. I'm not really keen on getting involved with someone who smokes But we'll see how it goes.

EDIT:

He said he likes cats, but he never once tried to pet Chynna despite the fact that she was sleeping on his jacket which was on the back of the couch not 6 inches away from him, and Abby even brushed up against his leg a few times. So that's something else to watch for. You would think that someone who likes cats would at least try and pet them if they were showing the person affection like mine were.

Maybe I'm being to picky?

Sounds like it went pretty well.

I smoked when I dated my husband, and his mom told me, "He must really like you because he really dislikes cigarette smoke." (Both of my husband's parents smoked!)

I quit smoking, I did it just recreationally anyway and wasn't addicted. I think your friend drank a little too much red wine because he was nervous.

Did you have a nice time?

Originally Posted by Natalie_ca

Well, he arrived shortly after 7pm and left a few minutes ago.

He brought over 1.5 litres of red wine!!!!

He drank more than I was comfortable with, but whether that was due to nerves or a "habit" I don't know. Something for me to watch for the next time.

He respected me enough to understand that I take relationships slow. I can't say he was happy to hear that, because I know he was disappointed. I think he was secretly hoping that I would get "tipsy" and fall into bed with him

We hugged a few times before he left. I let him kiss me on the cheek and told him that I like to take a relationship slowly and get to know someone before physical intimacy comes into it.

According to him he likes me enough to want to see me again, but I told him that he has to respect my wishes and move at MY pace and that nothing more physical will happen until I'm comfortable with it and it feels right to me.

I did tell a white lie and told him that I had a doctor appointment tomorrow morning in order to give me a reason to end the evening. He asked if I was taking Handi Transit. I lied and said no, that I forgot to book it and was taking a cab. He said he would call me in the morning if he has a break in his schedule and drive me there I tried to get out of that by telling him that I may leave hearly and go to the mall first before the doctor. He said he would call anyway to check.

Anyway, the ball is in his court. He knows that I don't fall into bed with the first person I come across and I told him flat out that I like to take things slow and if he wants to see me again it's at my own pace, not his. So we'll see.

He's very nice though. He's from South Africa. His father is from South Africa and his mother is from Trinidad. He has the most amazing steel blue eyes and the best profile I've seen on a man in a long time. Definitely cute! And if he is willing to take a relationship slowly I will see him again.

One draw back is that he smokes

I told him that I don't allow smoking in my apartment so he went outside once to have a cigarette. I'm not really keen on getting involved with someone who smokes

But we'll see how it goes.

EDIT:

He said he likes cats, but he never once tried to pet Chynna despite the fact that she was sleeping on his jacket which was on the back of the couch not 6 inches away from him, and Abby even brushed up against his leg a few times. So that's something else to watch for. You would think that someone who likes cats would at least try and pet them if they were showing the person affection like mine were.

Maybe I'm being to picky?

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aww sounds like you had a good time hon! it's also nice that he's seeming to respect you/be polite. that's always good! he sounds like a gentleman

be sure to still be cautious though hon since you don't know him too terribly well yet- if he brings a drink over/etc- make sure that you open it and you pour it just to be safe and make sure you're not slipped anything. also- it might not be a bad idea to let a close girlfriend/friend know when you're going out/or having a new date over - just to be on the safe side!

he does sound like a good guy though! what's your favorite thing about him so far?

Originally Posted by SwampWitch

Did you have a nice time?

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Yes it was pleasant enough. There were lulls in the conversation at times, but we talked about lots of different things.

Originally Posted by StarryEyedTiGeR

aww sounds like you had a good time hon!

it's also nice that he's seeming to respect you/be polite. that's always good! he sounds like a gentleman

be sure to still be cautious though hon since you don't know him too terribly well yet- if he brings a drink over/etc- make sure that you open it and you pour it just to be safe and make sure you're not slipped anything. also- it might not be a bad idea to let a close girlfriend/friend know when you're going out/or having a new date over - just to be on the safe side!

he does sound like a good guy though! what's your favorite thing about him so far?

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He is well mannered. I am definitely cautious. I'm not sure what my "favourite" thing about him is. I think I need to see and talk to him more before I decide that. He is definitely nice looking, but looks fade and while him being cute is definitely a bonus, it's not the most important thing. The test will come when I find out if he is really willing to respect my wishes to move things at my pace. That's assuming he calls me again. I didn't bother asking for his phone number. He has mine and if he is interested he will call. If not, I had a pleasant evening and nothing was lost

I just thought of an "out" for my doctor appointment tomorrow. My doctor appointment isn't actually until next Friday. If he calls I'll tell him that I looked at the wrong week on my calendar.

I didnt' lie to hurt him. I wanted to make sure that he didn't over stay his welcome and needed to make an excuse to have him leave instead of just telling him "Ok! Times up! Leave!"

Originally Posted by Natalie_ca

He is well mannered. I am definitely cautious. I'm not sure what my "favourite" thing about him is. I think I need to see and talk to him more before I decide that. He is definitely nice looking, but looks fade and while him being cute is definitely a bonus, it's not the most important thing. The test will come when I find out if he is really willing to respect my wishes to move things at my pace. That's assuming he calls me again. I didn't bother asking for his phone number. He has mine and if he is interested he will call. If not, I had a pleasant evening and nothing was lost

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Sounds like you have everything in perspective! I bet you he'll call too! He sounds like a gentleman so far- i'm sure respecting your wishes won't be an issue if he's as much a good guy as he sounds! Haha I was just like you when i was dating - i always let the guy call me if he was interested. I think it's a little bit of a southern belle thing- but hey, worked for me! (it shows a little restraint too and that can be attractive instead of acting all desperate and ringing them a lot!)

What kind of red wine did you two have tonight? Was it good?

Originally Posted by StarryEyedTiGeR

What kind of red wine did you two have tonight? Was it good?

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Actually it wasn't bad. It was a dry red from France. Probably a "1" in dryness. It was a nice sipping wine, but I actually prefer a "0" when it comes to wines that I buy. Forgot the name. I'll dig out the bottle tomorrow and post the name.

sounds ok,

as for the cat thing, hmm i tend to let other people animals some up to me, before i try to pet them,, so unless the cat came right how and sat next to me on ended up int he lap... it was a good sign he did not get upset about the kitty on his coat.

Sounds like a nice first start. However, keep in mind those couple of yellow flags - the smoking, the cat comment/reaction, and the drinking.

When DH and I met, the first questions we asked each other were "do you drink, smoke or gamble?" cause neither of us wanted to deal with those issues again. We had enough problems in the first marriages with those things.

If you don't like a person's habits (smoking) you will not change them if the relationship gets more serious. He knows you don't like smoking. If he is serious about things, HE will quit on his own. If he doesn't, then you have to decide if you can live with smoking issues. My ex was a smoker, he wouldn't do it in the house, but I still hated it. That was one of the reasons for the break up (not the major one tho).

Originally Posted by StarryEyedTiGeR

What kind of red wine did you two have tonight? Was it good?

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The name of the wine is L'Epayrie Red from the winery Chateau De La Gardine

Now that Nikki has brought it up, I have to say too... I was impressed with how brave you were, having a first date at your home. The last time I was open to the idea of dating (back when dinosaurs ruled the Earth), I wouldn't even get into a man's car on the first date! Partly for security, and partly so I didn't have to ride with him if he turned out to be a drinker.

I'm a big ol' chicken! Okay, that's a stork. Um... Well, that ain't right...

(Note to self: make a chicken icon)

Linda, I am so glad for you!

Its something kind of exciting that you have in your life..and well if it doesn't work out then it was an experience anyway

WTG Girl!

I forgot to give a full update of what transpired. I meant to come back and give more detail.

He came over shortly after 7 and brought a bottle of red wine. Not your regular sized bottle, but equal to 1.5 litres!!! I'm not a heavy drinker and 2 glasses of wine is way more than enough for me. I ended up having 4 glasses (3 while he was here and I finished up the 4th after he left) and he drank the rest of the bottle.

He also smokes which I don't care for, although he didn't smell like smoke. He asked if he could smoke and I told him that he would have to go downstairs and out front to smoke because I don't allow smoking in my home. When he decided to have a cigarette he once again asked me if he could smoke , I told him no. So he went downstairs for his cigarette and came back.

When the bottle was about 1/2 full (I had 2 glasses at this point) and he was pouring me my 3rd glass, I said "after this glass let's call it an evening because I have an early day tomorrow." (which was a lie but I wanted him to leave) Plus I was getting uncomfortable with some of his "questions." He kept drifting to the topic of sex and actually came right out and asked me the last time I had sex!!! I told him that I'm not going to answer that question!

He also kept talking about his weekends at his friend's nightclub and how he doesn't lack for female companionship when he goes there Like that was supposed to impress me or something!

Plus he had his cell phone with him and it kept ringing and he kept taking the calls (4 or 5) and at one point I could hear that there was a woman on the other end (she talked loud) and before he hung up he said "I love you too!" but he said it low enough that I got the impression he didn't want me to hear. But drunk people don't whisper very quietly!

Despite my efforts to get him to leave he stayed about another hour or hour and a half until he polished off the bottle of wine. He kept trying to get me to drink more but I stopped drinking when he poured me the 4th glass and only pretended to sip it. He was quite drunk by the time he did leave. He was slurring his words quite badly.

I know some here thought he was drinking out of nervousness, but he didn't strike me as the "nervous" type. He just didn't seem to want to leave until every drop from that bottle was gone. Which is a sign of alcoholism. My homecare lady said I should have told him to take it with him,

He got up to leave and needed to use the washroom. He went into the bathroom and I was stunned that he didn't close the door! or even wash his hands when he was done! *blech*

I gave him a hug and he tried to kiss me on my mouth but I turned my head and let him kiss me on my cheek. I told him that it was just "wine and conversation." He did his best to convince me to let him stay and I told him that if he was interested in seeing me again that things would progress at my pace, not his. He said "What about next time?" and moved his head in such a way to indicate it was a "hint." I told him no. That nothing physical was going to happen until it felt right and comfortable for me.

When he left I didn't expect to hear from him again, and if I did I would have been very surprised. I tend to go with my gut instincts and my gut decided that he was bad news, and I had decided that if he did call I was going to brush him off.

My homecare lady said "I'd love to see the look on his face the next time he sees your name on his list of pickups with Handi Transit!"

wow...huh. He sounds like a bit of a tool to me. I was going to brush the cats thing off as not sure about the cats. I use to have a neighbor's cat that would bit you if you touched it. So I rarely touch peoples cats due to that.

However taking 4-5 phone calls, the "I love you too" whisper and how he bragged that he's never without a woman just spells "T-O-O-L" to me.

Nice that he didn't close the door either whe going.

Oh my I can't believe he even thought he had a chance with you - you're wayyyyyy out of his league!!! He sounds like he has the class of an elephant... Oh well, I'm sure it was an amusing evening anyway, and I'm sure the next guy will be better!!

He probably won't be too embarrassed next time he comes to pick you up - he was probably too drunk to remember anything from the evening!

Oh, wow, he's a loser.

Well after the update, I'd say NO for any kind of date if he does call. A guy who won't respect you (sex or otherwise) is not worth it.

DH and I dated 18 months long distance. We knew there was no one else and we were faithful. We agreed on when to "seal" things Neither pushed for it.

I agree with the lot...I get a bad vibe frm what you've said.

You deserve better

wow! he turned out to be a real keeper he's lucky you didn't clobber him one right upside the head i agree- i wouldn't bother with him ever again. You can do soooo much better!

Originally Posted by sarahp

He probably won't be too embarrassed next time he comes to pick you up - he was probably too drunk to remember anything from the evening!

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That's what I was thinking