TheCatSite.com › Forums › Our Feline Companions › Cat Behavior › Co-owning a cat with my g/f
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Co-owning a cat with my g/f

post #1 of 19
Thread Starter 
My girlfriend and I are looking to get a cat. Has anyone had any experience with coownership? We're looking at a "visitation schedule" deal where the cat spends time at each of our apartments. Any suggestions for this feline pre-nup?

Thanks!
post #2 of 19
The only co-owning that should be done would be concerning a pedigree cat that is being shown/bred. And cats don't adjust well to moving back and forth between living spaces. Most cats will resent these constant changes.

I don't see why you need to write up a pre-nup or co-owning contract with a girlfriend. I'd question the relationship if you need this.
post #3 of 19
I think it would be better if the cat was to have only one home and you both care for it there. Do you have any plans to move in together in the near future, would you get a new place or move into one of your currrent places? Think about where you both spend the most time.

It will take the cat a long time to adjust to being moved every few weeks.

Would you not think about getting one each?
post #4 of 19
Thread Starter 
The "feline pre-nup" was a figure of speech. I'll be more overt with my humor in the future.


Really, I just want to know if it's healthy for a cat. We're looking at a 4 month old right now, well-adjusted and from petSmart via a rescue clinic. Does getting him while he's young get him adjusted to the moving sooner?
post #5 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ladbroke View Post
The "feline pre-nup" was a figure of speech. I'll be more overt with my humor in the future.


Don't worry, I guessed that
post #6 of 19
I've "co-owned" pets in the past with boyfriends... in each case one of us was more the primary owner than the other - taking care of initial purchases and any vet bills, but both took responsibility for caring for, feeding, exercising, etc.... it kinda made things a little more clear cut when break-ups occured... with my bf right now - I had Oliver before he and I started dating, so Oliver's definitely "my" cat, but when I was still in college (the bf has one more year there) we had seperate apartments, and while Oliver spent most of his time at my place, he did come for visits to my boyfriend's... basically, I'd be spending the entire weekend at the bf's so it was kinda unfair to leave Ollie alone: it was about 10 mins between apartments and Oliver was already used to car rides between home and school (4 hours each way)... I'd keep a litter box, treats, toys and food at the bf's.... Ollie did spend an extended period of time at the boy's when I got sick the end of last fall semester and Ian insisted I stay at his place so he could care for me more easily - so the awesome bf that he is, he went to my place to gather up Ollie and bring him over

Anyway, that's just my experience.... but I'd say that if you two aren't DEFINITELY like "together forever" one of you needs to be the primary owner just so things are clear if relationship problems do occur (I know, not fun to think about, but it's a reality)
post #7 of 19
I agree, kittens/cats get stressed out from moving around.

I might suggest a more "dog-like breed" if you want to move it around? maybe a bengal or an ocicat that you can harness train. They're considerably more social and fearless breeds.
post #8 of 19
I got Raven & Nabu 2 weeks before I met my (now) husband. They were my cats. Mike and I didn't "co-own" until we moved in together. Prior to that the cats were at my apartment and primarily under my care (unless I had to go out of town, then he would pet-sit for me). Of course he played and cuddled with them, but didn't have to do the cleanup or feeding.

LOL @ the feline pre-nup.
post #9 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45 View Post
I don't see why you need to write up a pre-nup or co-owning contract with a girlfriend. I'd question the relationship if you need this.
Actually, I think an agreement on who gets the cat if the relationship ends would be a great idea. People should be concerned enough about their pets to think about their pet's future. This could include, who gets the pet if the relationship ends, who becomes care giver if the primary owner is too ill or away, or in worst case - death.

As for taking the cat back and forth, some cats are more social. Some like meeting people and riding in cars. It would probably be best to get a very well adjusted kitten, 12-16 weeks with the mother at least, and teach it to like being in a car and harness training.
But it wouldn't be a good idea to constantly take it back and forth, there would have to be one place that was primarily it's home.

How far apart do you and the gf live from each other? Same town? different cities or even states?
post #10 of 19
Why don't just each get a cat and you'll both be happy (and free from worry should the relationship not work out in the end).
post #11 of 19
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by strange_wings View Post
How far apart do you and the gf live from each other? Same town? different cities or even states?
We're twenty minutes away and go to the same college. Next year I'm joining the military and she'll probably end up taking the cat at that time. Did your cat get used to having two litter boxes/feeding areas?
post #12 of 19
If you are going in the military and only 20 mins apart, its far better for the kitten to just stay in one home.

Now you COULD get the kitten used to traveling by just bringing him along if your gf visits you. Would be like "showing" the cat - where they go from the house to the show hall and maybe spend one nite in a different place - but don't be keeping the cat for a week or two, then changing back.

And as far as expenses (food, litter, vet bills) - why not agree to a certain amount to throw in the "kitty envelope" that would be used for expenses. If you both agree to put in $20 a week and do it every week - you won't have to worry about expenses.
post #13 of 19
Oliver had no problem figuring out various potty and feeding places... the litter box I left at my boyfriend's was the first one I had bought him, so it already had his scent on it - just showed him where the box and food were... when I used to leave him with a kitty sitter, he used a box and food dishes that she had with no problem... Ollie's pretty easy-going in general, I think a lot of it depends on the cat... if you're going to inlist, just make sure that you gf is REALLY ok with keeping kitty while you're gone and I'd also probably make her place his primary home and have the kitty visit to your place sometimes
post #14 of 19
Is this possibly a pre move in together relation that the two of you are considering?
To be honest, this is not a good idea for the 2 of you or a kitten/cat. A kitten can very well be introduced to 2 living homes and adjusted to traveling while they are kittens, some really enjoy it! But the idea of the two homes possibly not being synchronized, getting along, is a huge possibility and would be very stressful for the kitty.
post #15 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45 View Post
Now you COULD get the kitten used to traveling by just bringing him along if your gf visits you. Would be like "showing" the cat - where they go from the house to the show hall and maybe spend one nite in a different place - but don't be keeping the cat for a week or two, then changing back.
This exactly.

Also, read up on cat behavior so you can spot possible problems and know if the cat can handle the arrangement. You may want to ask some of the breeders on here how they pick out kittens that have the proper temperament and personalities too.
post #16 of 19
Can I give you my one cat? We are trying to find her a home right now and she LOVES travel, she loves people and suprisingly doesn't even mind going places and adjusts almost immediately after checking everything out. Too bad you llive so far. She would be perfect in this situation!
post #17 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jen View Post
Can I give you my one cat? We are trying to find her a home right now and she LOVES travel, she loves people and suprisingly doesn't even mind going places and adjusts almost immediately after checking everything out. Too bad you llive so far. She would be perfect in this situation!
It is about finding the right kitty or creating the best introduction for this..............................To bad Jen can't help you out, I believe she fosters!
post #18 of 19
Apart from anything else, most cats hate travelling in cars and will howl nonstop the whole way, and/or pee or throw up on occasion.
post #19 of 19
Depends on the cat. Cats are fairly territorial and for the most part, frequent moving/readjusting to another territory usually isn't fun for the cat.

I have 2 cats - one of mine would probably be ok, the other would definitely not. Although, I should point out that even the one that would be ok would prefer not to do it.

Also, cats are creatures of habit and schedule. When you move them from place to place, then their schedule is changed. Cats aren't capable of "Oh, I'll be here 2 weeks, then go there for 2 weeks." Their idea of schedule is, "Wake up mom/dad, eat bfast, have my morning crazies, nap, play, get dinner, mom/dad climb into bed and I'll sleep on their faces, rinse, repeat."

I am speaking in general though because there are certainly many anecdotes of cats enjoying things that it might seem weird for them to like (swimming, using the toilet to name a few!). You may find a cat that LOVES moving around from place to place!

Good luck!
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Cat Behavior
TheCatSite.com › Forums › Our Feline Companions › Cat Behavior › Co-owning a cat with my g/f