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Is it wrong of me to think this way?

post #1 of 12
Thread Starter 
As you know our house is now officially up for sale, it's being advertised for 60 days. We've already had a few people through. They've all been asian families who want to extend and completely change the house. It's already been renovated so they can't rip the insides out. I'm worried for one about Jasmine being buried in the garden bed, it is not deep, even if i put a little plaque with her name and to show she only died 4 months ago, i do not know if they will respect this, and they do not know it isn't deep and they might dig anyway!

I'm just feeling so untrusting of everyone now. My dad says he doesn't care what they do to the house, as long as they give us money. And even though we've only been here 15 months and we hate the neighbours, i'm still freaking out and feeling sad about trying to move, the possibility of Jasmines desicration, of trying to get Charlie to settle again when he's already stressed and spending even more money which we wont have when we move, to enclose the garden for Charlie so he has actual freedom and having my own space to move around while i'm still unemployed but paying rent to my mum.

I know the house choice isn't up to me because i'm only the 'child', but this room atm is smaller than my last, now i have a BIR, a desk and double bed, and i cannot move the two around due to lack of room. I've said the next one cannot be smaller, and if it is i will go crazy, and if its this size or smaller WITHOUT a BIR, i have to stick my wardrobe back into my room and i will seriousely have a square foot of space to move. Is this a huge ask??? Our last house, i had the wardrobe, not a built in, but my room was longer so it all fit. Another thing is we have 2 bathrooms here, 1 in the last house. As i am an adult i need privacy, and i have alot of toiletries, i've gotten so used to having my own bathroom to look after and clean and my own space. No way in HELL am i sharing a single again with my parents. My dad is disgusting (for all of those who don't know, just go searching for my ranting threads about him), my mum needs tonnes of space for her things, i just can't do it again! I also don't trust my father and i have to hide half my belongings from him so he doesn't keep questioning me about every little thing i'm doing and 'what's that' 'where'd you get that from' every 5 seconds.

I need someone to re-assure me!! We don't even know what price well get, and if we can find a nice house/area to live in that we can afford.

I'm sorry, i'm just internally freaking out but trying to keep a brave face for mum. Gah!
post #2 of 12
It's hard to pick up and move.

Is there anyway you can take Jasmine's remains with you to the new house and rebury her there?
post #3 of 12
Thread Starter 
I really don't know how to bring that up with my parents. My father would say no because he believes once you are dead, the body is just a body and there is no significance (he thinks its stupid people visit graves). And i wouldnt know what to say to mum as she was her little girl. We put a towel around her, but after 4 months, i really don't know if any of us would have the stomach to move her, i wouldn't know what to expect, smell, how decayed etc. I really wish we could. We already left 4 cats at our other house, they were buried deep all next to eachother in the backyard, the grass covered over over many years, but i don't know what to do
post #4 of 12
I'd recommend you dig her up, and have her cremated. Sell it to your parents as a beautiful thing. Find brochures of cremation. They can be placed in beautiful potpouri boxes. Explain to your parents that Jasmin deserves more, that she'll be in a beautiful place and that she'll be with you forever. That her memory will be treasured in this way. It might just be enough to convince them... but I think you'll have the dirty work of digging her up.
post #5 of 12
Thread Starter 
As i said earlier none of us could do it, not even with my natural morbid curiosity. And with selling the house, there's no money to spare, especially not for a cremation
post #6 of 12
I think Jasmine is not in your garden, there is only a empty body, her spirit is always and forever where you are. Raise in your new garden a stone with her name on it or plant a rose tree like a memorial to visit her – but she ll be in your heart, and thats the important thing.
post #7 of 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by suni View Post
I think Jasmine is not in your garden, there is only a empty body, her spirit is always and forever where you are. Raise in your new garden a stone with her name on it or plant a rose tree like a memorial to visit her – but she ll be in your heart, and thats the important thing.
exactly. What is in the garden is her empty shell, she lives on in your memory. If you need something to visit, make a memorial in your new house and bring a small rock from the old yard to put in your new "remembrance area".

To be morbidly honest, a cat's body is pretty small so there may not be much left after 4 months anyway.
post #8 of 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragoriana View Post
I really don't know how to bring that up with my parents. My father would say no because he believes once you are dead, the body is just a body and there is no significance (he thinks its stupid people visit graves). And i wouldnt know what to say to mum as she was her little girl. We put a towel around her, but after 4 months, i really don't know if any of us would have the stomach to move her, i wouldn't know what to expect, smell, how decayed etc. I really wish we could. We already left 4 cats at our other house, they were buried deep all next to eachother in the backyard, the grass covered over over many years, but i don't know what to do
Could you have her remains cremated? It might not be pleasant, though, if you have had alot of rain, to remove the body. I can sympathize with having to leave the little graves behind - I have always tried to think that all my kids are now safe and happy, not to dwell on anything else.
post #9 of 12
I was gonna suggest you relocate Jasmine, but if you cannot bring yourself to unbury her, then next best thing is to find a nice stone/plaque to put in the garden of your new place (or somewhere special) where you can remember her.

We buried our first cat with friends and I kinda regret it now, but know that Mitten is not in the little box - he's at Rainbow Bridge. Spooky is buried in our backyard now (he died last October), but again, he's at Rainbow Bridge.

One of these days I want to get some little rocks with our best loved pets' names on there and put in our garden
post #10 of 12
To be honest, I don't think there is enough left of her to unbury after 4 months. I would suggest maybe taking some of the dirt on her grave and taking that to your new house and plant something in her memory. Think of it this way. She will always live in your heart, but she has become part of the earth now. Use that earth to nurish something she would enjoy, so she will go on in the cycle of life.

I know it's hard, but she lives in your memories and your love. You honestly wouldn't want to see her now. I would let her rest in peace. She is at peace in your heart.
post #11 of 12
We had to leave Chavela's grave at our house in Austin when my parents moved up here two years after her death. We didn't even consider disturbing the spot, because Chavela is with us in spirit.

I think you should leave the house knowing that Jasmine is coming with you in your heart, and never look back.

But before you go, maybe you'd like to take a bit of soil from the spot where she's buried and put it in a jar to keep with you. Someday, when you have a home of your own, you can sprinkle a little of that soil in with every tree you plant, as a way of remembering Jasmine.

Do you think that might make it okay for you?
post #12 of 12
Thread Starter 
A few of you suggested the soil thing, and i do think that is a really good idea. I know logically it's just her shell, but my beliefs are very vast, i don't believe in heaven or hell or purgetory. I believe that some people hang about after they die if they have unfinished business, and i know when i visited my grandpas grave that he was there listening to me, sort of being like 'on call' if you like. I showed you guys after she passed away, a little cat statue i bought and put on her grave, i will be taking that with me. I've been meaning to plant some catnip for ages for Charlies enclosure, so what i might do is take the soil, and when we move put in the catnip seeds into that soil for Charlies enclosure so his sis is there.

Thank you very much for your ideas, this seams the best one, and it doesn't cost a cent. I've had a big struggle with this pretty much since she passed because we've known for ages we wouldn't stay here.

Thank you again, this will really help to heal me a little, even though i will still be sad. I would like to leave a little note or something, or perhaps the name/date plaque will be enough for them to respect her grave.
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