Thanks you guys- I recently hooked up with a wonderful writer and she is now my mentor too. I was sending her my stuff and she was going oh, okay, uh huh, yeah that's okay yeah, good stuff! LOL
Then she asked me a question only God could have prompted her to she asked me if there was some pain in my past that I was avoiding facing full on and head on- a "dark place" a place someone goes to without wanting to and learns so much along the way. (She lost twin girls way back when as well) I answered her honestly and told her about Jeremy and the drug use and the shame. This was her reply to me:
"My God, woman; you've lived through the kind of thing that a good fiction writer can't come up with. And did you happen to notice the passion that was unleashed in your telling of the tale? Well, I did. That's what you're supposed to be writing about. You've been fooling around with cutesy things and trying to make that work. They haven't worked because your soul wasn't in it. Your soul has been pushing you towards writing your true story. And that can be poetry, a series of articles, stories or eventually, a book.
Now it makes sense to me. I knew that there was a writer in there, but you were only showing dribs and drabs of the true passion and talent. If you want to enter contests or submit stuff-- this is where you need to start. Let others learn through your experiences and in so doing, you will heal that part of yourself."
Now get busy! :-)
So- I have been getting busy, I wrote Secrets in the matter of about an hour and it just flowed out of me. I sent it to her expecting her to chop the hell out of it- and she was thrilled and had no editing comments but a few commas out of place- and my worse problem working with to and too.
So now, it is out of my soul and I feel refreshed, and though the people in this competition edited my work and changed some spellings to help with their British audience, for the most part, it is the first chapter of my life. It was a big writers block I had been carrying around for over twenty years- and the release I feel is magnificent now! And now, for the FIRST time since I have been writing, my work is being discovered by major people and it is wonderful. If it helps one woman or husband who has suffered the shattering loss Don and I suffered, then it was worth it to chase it out and confront it,and yes, I feel healed.