Tonight I spent the evening at A & E (ER) with a friend, who's new partner had just beaten her up.
Luckily nothing serious - just bruises - except her self-esteem crushed, her confidence at rock-bottom, feeling humiliated.
A previous partner of hers used to regularly beat her up - she used to pass the injuries off as being accident-prone and would tell elaborate tales of how they happened. She stayed with that bloke for 6 years!! Over the past three years we have become more friendly and she dropped hints about it, but would change the subject if asked directly. Tonight she admitted regular visits to the hospital for x-rays and stitches.
Why do men resort to physical violence?
Why do women stay with men after they have been physically abused?
I can sort of understand the humiliation and the feeling of not wanting anyone to know that this has happened to you - but why not get out?
I asked my friend a very direct question "What do you want to happen now?" and she said "I want to turn the clock back an hour to before he hit me"
as if it was something she had said or done to "push" him into hitting her. She refused to get the police involved with the last bloke and refuses again this time. She had a telephone conversation with this new chap, who apologised and asked what she wanted him to do - she said "You do whatever you want to do".
I have never been in the situation, I am lucky to have never had a partner use their fists on me, or slap me, or do anything threatening. I don't think I understand the issues behind violence in the "marital" home. All I can do is support her choices. What else can I do? She knows that she has sofa-space at my house (used on more than one occassion before), she has many other supportive friends, including a trained counseller. She is an intelligent woman - I cannot and will not tell her what to do - she has to be the one to make the decisions in her life. I'm at a loss.
Sorry for my long rambling rant. I don't think I want answers - I want her to say "NO".
A previous partner of hers used to regularly beat her up - she used to pass the injuries off as being accident-prone and would tell elaborate tales of how they happened. She stayed with that bloke for 6 years!! Over the past three years we have become more friendly and she dropped hints about it, but would change the subject if asked directly. Tonight she admitted regular visits to the hospital for x-rays and stitches.
Why do men resort to physical violence?
Why do women stay with men after they have been physically abused?
I can sort of understand the humiliation and the feeling of not wanting anyone to know that this has happened to you - but why not get out?
I asked my friend a very direct question "What do you want to happen now?" and she said "I want to turn the clock back an hour to before he hit me"
I have never been in the situation, I am lucky to have never had a partner use their fists on me, or slap me, or do anything threatening. I don't think I understand the issues behind violence in the "marital" home. All I can do is support her choices. What else can I do? She knows that she has sofa-space at my house (used on more than one occassion before), she has many other supportive friends, including a trained counseller. She is an intelligent woman - I cannot and will not tell her what to do - she has to be the one to make the decisions in her life. I'm at a loss.
Sorry for my long rambling rant. I don't think I want answers - I want her to say "NO".