Haven't been around .... (long)

Hi all,

Sorry I haven't been around much. I seem to be having a tough time although I am not quite sure why.

I am still at my awful, dead-end job. I should be learning how to create a resume and looking for a job that could pay my bills, but I'm not. I feel crushed by lack of finances. I am not really qualified to do anything but what I've been doing for the last 15 years. Instead of being a joiner while in school, I worked. So I don't have that type of thing to add to a resume.

I should be cleaning my apartment. It looks worse than any house I have ever seen. While I was in school I had the excuse that I was too busy to clean. Well, I have been out of school for 3 months and I live in a pigsty. I feel sorry for the cats Piles of stuff everywhere, dishes up to there, boxes all over, don't think Daphne even knows what a vacuum cleaner is. It is awful. It is so tiny, it is tough to organize anything.

I am scared spitless of the resume and interview process. I have a social phobia as it is so this is like climbing a mountain. Makes my stomach hurt just thinking about it.

My sister leaves for Germany in seven days. I am going to miss her so much. She's my best friend.

Every day when I get off work, I tell myself I will spend at least an hour cleaning, that I don't have to clean it all at once. But, once I get home, it doesn't happen. I just hide from everything and everybody. I stay up too late at night and am exhausted all day. Not sure why I do that either. Seems I am not the Queen of Self-Awareness.

I don't think it is depression - I can smile (and mean it) and I don't have the heavy, dark cloud feeling. It probably is anxiety. Have never taken meds for anxiety and couldn't afford them now anyway. I just need to find a way out of this rut. I hate it. Any tips?

Sorry this is so long - just thought someone here may have gone through something similar.

To start with, it is not too late to start joining things, you may meet more friends etc by doing some volunteer work which will also add skills to your resume and fill up some time, keeping you away from thinking about your sister not being there.

As far as the cleaning, I have been stuck in that rut lately after problems at work, money problems etc getting me down, just give yourself targets and reward yourself for meeting them. Don't bog yourself down with a whole hour of housework, it will still be there tomorrow, just set one task at a time. Clean the kitchen today, living room tomorrow etc, and afterwards have a nice relaxing bath, or watch a movie or whatever

I was wondering about you Bonnie. to tell the truth, I'm going thru a bit of a rough spot myself, except I can't really tack down any reasons for it I just feel very blah and unmotivated- you think your house is bad, you should see mine the only thing I do regularly is scoop LBs I feel like I am the hamster on the wheel running as fast as I can and not getting anywhere

I'm sorry you are feeling this way, if you ever want to talk please don't hesitate to drop me a note!

Hi Bonnie!

I am sorry that you are having a difficult time right now. I am not an expert at all but it sounds to me like you may have some anxiety also. Almost like getting overwhelmed and defeat yourself before you even start. I think you have gotten some good advice as far as just trying to do one room at a time with the cleaning. As far as the job interviews and resume, I think it will be easier once you get started and just go from there because I know even if people don't have any social phobias, job interviews can be nerve wracking.

I hope that you feel better soon.

Awwww If you lived nearer i'd be around with my duster and pledge because i've been given the nickname as "Hazel" here by one of our lovely members

Seriously though, just tackle it slowly, and start with the room you spend most time in, because that'll make you feel a lot better.

Bonnie, I've missed you so much -- and boy, can I ever relate! I'm PMing you...

Originally Posted by Bonnie1965

I don't think it is depression - I can smile (and mean it) and I don't have the heavy, dark cloud feeling. It probably is anxiety. Have never taken meds for anxiety and couldn't afford them now anyway. I just need to find a way out of this rut. I hate it. Any tips?

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Sorry you are going through a bad time

It does sound like you are in a depression. Depression can manifest itself in all kinds of ways, not just a "dark cloudy feeling". What you describe are classic depression symptoms (aptahy, lack of motivation, "in a rut"....)

You should speak to your doctor about an anti-depressent such as Celexa.

It does sound like a mild depression. You may want to investigate it more.

As to the cleaning, I've found the 20 items method helps me. I go into a room and pick up 20 things and put them away. If the room is picked up, then it will be one chore like dusting or vacuuming. The one room I work harder at is the kitchen which I make sure the dishes are done every night.

I am adding my vote that you need to get yourself tested for depression. You sound exactly like my younger sister. She let her depression spiral out of control & would only admit she needed help when I caught her with pills to do something stupid.