Last night I saw the worst movie in my entire life. It proved two points: 1. My parents were right. 2. Never watch a movie produced by Topps Trading Cards.
I will now tell you all about Garbage Pail Kids: The Movie.
Set in 1987 there were specific things that I expected, and got. Casio 7200 keyboard music? Check. Bad 80's hair? Check. A montage? Check times three.
Now, I'd like you to keep in mind that this was a children's movie.
Seven creepy dolls pop out of a garbage can and start to reek havoc around a magic shop. Instead of freaking out and evacuating the entire city the main character decides to put them to work making his girlfriend's fashion line. That's right, he exploited them into making designer clothes. Then it gets worse. The seven creepy dolls start sining. Thankfully it's the only time they do it in the entire movie. On the other hand it starts the whole downward trend of the movie.
The seven creepy dolls feel that they needed to take a break after the singing and the exploitation so where do they decide to go? A biker bar. (keep reminding yourself it's a KIDS movie) After one of the dolls decides to eat the toes of the only sandal wearing biker I've ever seen they gain their respect. Apparently toe eating is a one way ticket into the Hells Angles.
I'd like to point out here that the plot gets... fuzzy. So if it doesn't make sense from here on out a thousand apologizes.
For some reason, the seven creepy dolls are threated with "The State Home For the Ugly". This is a place where humans are kept in cages because they are: Too Old, Too Fat, ect. As a note of interest here "The State Home For the Ugly" has better security than most jails. Right, because we wouldn't want ugly people getting out now would we?
The dolls are turned in for a bounty. (I know you forgot. It's a KIDS movie)
They are then freed with the help of the main character who solves his moral crisis and realizes that creepy doll labor is wrong, and the biker gang.
They all live happily ever after.
I will now tell you all about Garbage Pail Kids: The Movie.
Set in 1987 there were specific things that I expected, and got. Casio 7200 keyboard music? Check. Bad 80's hair? Check. A montage? Check times three.
Now, I'd like you to keep in mind that this was a children's movie.
Seven creepy dolls pop out of a garbage can and start to reek havoc around a magic shop. Instead of freaking out and evacuating the entire city the main character decides to put them to work making his girlfriend's fashion line. That's right, he exploited them into making designer clothes. Then it gets worse. The seven creepy dolls start sining. Thankfully it's the only time they do it in the entire movie. On the other hand it starts the whole downward trend of the movie.
The seven creepy dolls feel that they needed to take a break after the singing and the exploitation so where do they decide to go? A biker bar. (keep reminding yourself it's a KIDS movie) After one of the dolls decides to eat the toes of the only sandal wearing biker I've ever seen they gain their respect. Apparently toe eating is a one way ticket into the Hells Angles.
I'd like to point out here that the plot gets... fuzzy. So if it doesn't make sense from here on out a thousand apologizes.
For some reason, the seven creepy dolls are threated with "The State Home For the Ugly". This is a place where humans are kept in cages because they are: Too Old, Too Fat, ect. As a note of interest here "The State Home For the Ugly" has better security than most jails. Right, because we wouldn't want ugly people getting out now would we?
The dolls are turned in for a bounty. (I know you forgot. It's a KIDS movie)
They are then freed with the help of the main character who solves his moral crisis and realizes that creepy doll labor is wrong, and the biker gang.
They all live happily ever after.
