Several months ago, my daughter (here-after known as dd) broke up with her boyfriend after he had a tantrum because she couldn't go to a party with him. (dh, dd, and I all agreed on her not going to the party) From what she told me, he called me a 'dirty b*tch" to anyone that would listen while they were at a high school soccer game. He also told her he has to hit something when he's angry, and that he didn't understand why calling me names was so bad. (he's a real prince)
Fast forward to last week. DD told me she had asked the prince to her homecoming dance--"is that ok with you, Mom?" I was stunned, and told her I couldn't talk about it then. We finally sat down for a discussion; she wants me to talk to him so he can apologize--even tho' he says he still doesn't see what he did wrong. Apparently, he would do it to make her happy. (ok, score one point for him) I, on the other hand, have no desire to talk to him and have refused. She was told before she broke up with him in May that if she continued to see him, her time would be limited. I don't trust anyone that says he "has to hit something" when he doesn't get his way. The rules, for now, are she can go out with him once a week, talk to him several times a week, plus she sees him at their mutual work-place several times a week. Also, her curfew will be 1 hour earlier when she's out with him. My dh and I agree that he isn't welcome in our home at the moment. The 'prince' can pick our dd up at the front door.
My dd is upset that I won't sit down and talk to him. I've told her since she was little that I will not lie to her, so when she asked me what I don't like about him--I told her. He's lazy, disrespectful, immature, controlling, and as far as I'm concerned potentially dangerous. The odd thing is---she agreed with me!!!
But she likes him. I've told her that if she can follow the rules for the time being, and there are no more tantrums, her Dad and I will ease the restrictions.
Unfortunately, I was a bad-
18 year old myself many years ago, and I know how much sneaking and lying a girl will do to be with a boy she likes. Until she started going out with 'the prince' again, I trusted her to tell me the truth about just about everything. We were very open with each other. Now, I don't trust half of what she says, and I absolutely hate feeling this way. I know I can't tell her she can't see him, but as long as her Dad and I are paying most of her bills we feel we still have a lot of say in what she does and who she does it with.
So, am I being unreasonable not to accept an insincere apology? I have a feeling I would get so upset I'd say things that wouldn't be at all lady-like. DD is upset because she knows I don't care for the guy, and apparently she actually wants my approval (score one point for dd). Unfortunatley, my approval isn't going to be given. DH says to just ride it out, that dd will break up with him again. I'm not so sure. I also wonder if I'm so upset about this because it seems as if dd has chosen 'the prince' over me? (take that, you amateur psychologists!) I'd love to get some insight from people who aren't directly involved.
Fast forward to last week. DD told me she had asked the prince to her homecoming dance--"is that ok with you, Mom?" I was stunned, and told her I couldn't talk about it then. We finally sat down for a discussion; she wants me to talk to him so he can apologize--even tho' he says he still doesn't see what he did wrong. Apparently, he would do it to make her happy. (ok, score one point for him) I, on the other hand, have no desire to talk to him and have refused. She was told before she broke up with him in May that if she continued to see him, her time would be limited. I don't trust anyone that says he "has to hit something" when he doesn't get his way. The rules, for now, are she can go out with him once a week, talk to him several times a week, plus she sees him at their mutual work-place several times a week. Also, her curfew will be 1 hour earlier when she's out with him. My dh and I agree that he isn't welcome in our home at the moment. The 'prince' can pick our dd up at the front door.
My dd is upset that I won't sit down and talk to him. I've told her since she was little that I will not lie to her, so when she asked me what I don't like about him--I told her. He's lazy, disrespectful, immature, controlling, and as far as I'm concerned potentially dangerous. The odd thing is---she agreed with me!!!
Unfortunately, I was a bad-
So, am I being unreasonable not to accept an insincere apology? I have a feeling I would get so upset I'd say things that wouldn't be at all lady-like. DD is upset because she knows I don't care for the guy, and apparently she actually wants my approval (score one point for dd). Unfortunatley, my approval isn't going to be given. DH says to just ride it out, that dd will break up with him again. I'm not so sure. I also wonder if I'm so upset about this because it seems as if dd has chosen 'the prince' over me? (take that, you amateur psychologists!) I'd love to get some insight from people who aren't directly involved.