How to deal with bad days

Today happens to be one of those days. I'm just needing a little input from people that have lost someone dear to them. Last April i lost my mother to brain cancer, it ripped me apart on the inside. Then in July i lost my fiance to a brain anerysm, which totally devastated me because he was my rock during the loss of my mother. From that day, my sense of normal changed. Everything i knew was taken from me. A year has gone by and some days are so hard for me. BUT i put on my happy face and go about my business because i feel that everyone expects me to have it all together or That i should be over this by now. I've managed to move on with my life and am dating, i've found happiness again but these two losses have changed me forever. People tell me all the time that my experience will only make me stronger. Sure my good days outweigh the bad...but going through that one bad day can just break you down. I just wish the "hard days" were a little easier to get through. I know i cant do anything to change whats happened...i just want to know if other people besides me still have bad days too? Am i normal...
I am on medication and am seeking a therapy (which helps) but i need to hear from other people and how they deal with their bad days. Thanks for taking the time to read this....

It's easy to forget about the bad things that make us depressed when we are around people. But it's when I am alone that I really get overwhelmed with the past. I use music to help me. I love to write EVERYTHING I'm think, or draw a picture about it. It seems cliche, but never underestimate a non-verbal form of release too. I feel for your losses and while I don't know what it is like to be you, I do know that a "bad day" can be much, much worse when you have those sort of things on your mind! The smallest thing can set you into a deep depression when you are full of all those emotions. I'm so glad to hear that you are seeking help through a therapist. Mine helped me move on from something I thought I never could. And never be afraid to ask us on the forums for help! We love you! And typing it out is good for your stress too. I hope I helped some.

That is a lot to have gone through ......... A LOT ........ I lost my husband many years ago but I had my bestfriend Jim to help me get through it ....

Friends help you a lot .... counseling helps you a lot .... just to be able to get what you are feeling out ..... a lot of times with me ....its not until after I talk about something that I get a clear picture of how Im feeling .......but its out and I can start to deal with it.

... and time .......... time does heal .... it doesnt erase, but it heals.

You've been hit with so much in such a short time... I can't even imagine how hard it's been for you. Let me suggest what I've seen my mother do since the death of her mom in 1992...

She and her mom were very close, and she was devastated when Grandma passed. But it seemed to help her to reminisce about her mom. She would go through old photos and keepsakes and tell stories, and soon she was laughing about those old times. Sometimes laughing and crying all at once, but still, it was good for her.

Now when something reminds us of Grandma, we smile about it. I think today my mom feels only the joy of the wonderful life her mom lived, and not the pain of losing her.

So I think you may be suffering even more because of your effort to make everyone believe you "have it all together." Maybe it would help you to have one friend you could talk to now and then about the people you've lost... someone you can cry with at first, until you're able to turn it into laughter.

If there's someone like that in your life, that would be wonderful. If not, though, you could post here about your mom and your fiance occasionally, just to say whatever's been on your mind about them. And I imagine there are many others here who would add reminiscences of loved ones they're missing, too.

Maybe we should start a "Reminiscing" thread where we can all share memories of our lost loved ones. What do you think?

Originally Posted by CarolPetunia

Maybe we should start a "Reminiscing" thread where we can all share memories of our lost loved ones. What do you think?

Click to expand...

I think that would be a great idea. I love reminiscing about my mother. She died at 49 and lived a great life. My fiance died at 30 and he taught me alot. I feel fortunate to have such special people in my life. Yea...thats a good idea CarolPetunia!
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And to everyone else...i really appreciate your replies...they mean more to me that you'll ever know. Just knowing that im not alone and knowing that i have a good friends on here makes me feel good.
Love ya mean it!

Okay! I've started a thread for this... will you be our first poster?

Originally Posted by CarolPetunia

You've been hit with so much in such a short time... I can't even imagine how hard it's been for you. Let me suggest what I've seen my mother do since the death of her mom in 1992...

She and her mom were very close, and she was devastated when Grandma passed. But it seemed to help her to reminisce about her mom. She would go through old photos and keepsakes and tell stories, and soon she was laughing about those old times. Sometimes laughing and crying all at once, but still, it was good for her.

Now when something reminds us of Grandma, we smile about it. I think today my mom feels only the joy of the wonderful life her mom lived, and not the pain of losing her.

So I think you may be suffering even more because of your effort to make everyone believe you "have it all together." Maybe it would help you to have one friend you could talk to now and then about the people you've lost... someone you can cry with at first, until you're able to turn it into laughter.

If there's someone like that in your life, that would be wonderful. If not, though, you could post here about your mom and your fiance occasionally, just to say whatever's been on your mind about them. And I imagine there are many others here who would add reminiscences of loved ones they're missing, too.

Maybe we should start a "Reminiscing" thread where we can all share memories of our lost loved ones. What do you think?

Click to expand...

I think that would be great to have a thread like that! I haven't lost a parent, I lost my husband Aug 28 6 yrs ago now. I still can't believe it's been 6 yrs. I remember feeling nothing was normal, so scattered and out of sorts!
I couldn't find the place were I needed to be! I wrote everything in a journal, I would stay up for hours writing and writing. Saying any and everything!
That helped me so much, I can look at them now and go .... bless your heart, I was lost! and I had my 6 yr old son whom was greiving also, just
at different stages than mine! That was so painful, to be a parent and your
child hurting and there wasn't anything I could do about it! Just about the
time I couldn't handle it anymore, the good Lord would intervene, and it would ease a little, I prayed so much and I know it never goes away, it's right beneath the surface,
I think of him probably 231/2 hrs. a day! I'm not kidding! I haven't been lucky enough to find someone else. I know that would help me to get on!
I am so ready to be happy, my son plays a major role, and where we live, men are slim pickens'! So I have sort of accepted that maybe later I'll find someone.
It is very lonely, after my son goes to bed at night, I'm by myself, no companionship! My husband and I had been together since I was 18, I was 37 when he died, he was 39! I think.....I would have never thought I would be raising my son alone! We have done fine! he's only 12, so I'm hanging on the hard yrs are ahead! I know where your at and I feel for you so much!
You can talk to me anytime, I truly mean that! I stay up late!I am a great listener, and friend! I find myself referring to Marvin all the time, my sister
brought that to my attention one day...I said, "well he was the only relationship I can refer too, and not having someone else in my life to make new memories, what I'm I suppose to talk about?" and I said, "Let's see if your husband dies, what you will talk about !" She felt bad! I never really
knew what grief was, sure I felt sorry for people, but I had no idea! OMG Now I do and to what depth it runs!
Just pray pray pray! even when you don't know what to ask for! That is
the way I know helped me !
PM me anytime!
Monique

oh I know this feeling, I lost my parents a month apart from eachother when I was a teen, and an aunt and grandparent that same year. i was very very close with my mom and Aunt. I get sad just thinking about my mom at any time (my life is a long story and so was her's she was only 33) I remember being 11 and her finger combing my hair, and when she was sick in the hospital, squeezing my hand as I cried saying "everything is gonna be ok baby girl". i have so many dreams of her and am sure she visits. When I get really really sad though, I write in my journal like a mad woman sometimes even writing prayers and letters to my mother. My bf will hug me if he sees me start to get sad...usually it will be something as simple as a show/movie where someone is with loved ones while sick & dying. My mom came home from the hospital to live her last hours, I fell asleep and my grandma was there when she past, my mom was sitting up saying she saw my great grandma who had all ready passed. My grandmother said when she took her last breath that my mom's eyes turned a translusent blue (her eyes were brown...) before she layed back down.