My persie hates me, I punish him.

Hello, I have a persian cat of 4 years, ever since he was a baby he didn't like me, only my husband, and I understand that I don't put food in his plate. But he also attacks me when I go upstairs, and today and yesterday, I spanked him, because I am tired of his behavior.
We always fight with the husband because of him, he doesn't do anything bad to my husband, he purrs to him, however my husband will never pick him up. I want to pet him, kiss , and he revenges me later, by scratching me. I don't want another cat. What can I do, besides leaving him alone.
Do the cats understand when you punish them ? I put him in the laundry room, I know he doesn't like being there. TOday though after he scratched me in my throat after kissing him, I through him in the garage for a minute, and it's hot there, so I don't know if he understands what I punish him for.

I think you're coming on too strong!--Your cat is overwhelmed by your gestures, and confused by your punishments... From what he can tell, he's being picked up and kissed (which he doesn't like), and then when he defends himself, being throwin into the laundry room! He doesn't understand your spanking him--that's not how cats communicate displeasure. Try hissing instead, when he puts his claws into you.

Suggestions:

1. Don't pick him up anymore, or kiss him, or pet him (especially on the belly) or do anything overwhelming. (Just think of it being done to you, and whether that would be overwhelming.) Just talk to him, hold out your fingers for him to sniff, scratch his ears, etc. Never stand in a place that cuts off his escape route, so he's always free to go when interacting with you.

2. Take over feeding duties from your husband. Feeding the cat is a concrete thing you can do to show him you care. Also, if he likes treats, give him one or two a day. Don't expect him to take them from your fingers at first; just leave them where he can eat them.

3. Be patient. The cat will have to make the first move here--you have terrorized him, in his eyes, for four years; and it'll take a while to earn his trust. Anything unpleasant, such as clipping his nails, your husband should do for now, since your cat already trusts him. Does your husband groom him? If he enjoys being groomed, you might take over, if your cat trusts you enough to do it.

Really a matter of miscommunication, of having your wires crossed. I'm going to be honest here--You may never have a great relationship with him, as your husband does. But at the very least, you can have peaceful coexistence, even if he never grants you the right to do more than rub his ears.

Callista, you sound just like my husband. So, I have to leave my cat alone.
He doesn't like to be groomed, however I brush him, and I clean his eyes every day. I give him food from my plate when he asks . I just like to pick him up, I just want a loving cat. I don't think this will happen, and bringing another cat will make a discomfort to my friends, that have to look after him when we are gone. I read the article here, and I am going to try that herbal thing to calm him, maybe then he will let me hold him.
I never touch my cat's stomack.

You don't punish a cat like that! That's abuse!

All slapping it and locking it in a room, closet or garage is going to do is make the cat not trust you and that will make things so much worse for you.

Cats are independent creatures. Some love to be lavished with affection, while others don't...just like people.

Give the cat affection based on what it initiates. If it doesn't want to be picked up, then don't pick him up.

You have to earn a cat's trust, and hitting it and locking it up like you are doing is certainly not doing that.

Buy a cat brush and hold it out to Persi. Let him come to you, don't go to him. When he comes around, just use the brush (not your hands), to stroke him gently. He will probably walk around, but don't follow him. Let him come back to the brush to iniitiate getting brushed. Do not try to pick him up and pin him down so you can brush him. Just do it at his own pace.

If he sits on the couch next to you, don't reach to pick him up. Just use the brush to lightly brush him, or use your hand to give him a few gentle light strokes on his head.

It sounds to me like your cat no longer trusts you and you need to work on regaining that trust again.

The last thing you want to do is to "smother him" by holding him when he doesn't want to be held.

I guess I am just not used to this independency. And my husband says that I abuse him by picking him up.
I had regular and persian cats before, they were very loving, or like my husband says they took my abuse. But isn't it a reason why we want cats so we can love them?

You may have gottten a cat because you want to love something, which is understandable, but it's not that cat's fault if he just hates being picked up or fussed with (maybe it's your hand lotion!) and punishing anyone for not loving you is pretty pointless. You'll have to accept him for what he is (and isn't) and in future maybe consider another cat, but please don't throw him anywhere, don't put him in extra hot or cold places, don't ever hit him, and don't yell at him. He's 'just' a cat, and has no idea of your expectations or needs - heck, even people don't get those half the time, so all you can do is be as kind as possible and maybe some day he'll feel different.

Why is everyone portraying me as such a bad person. I read the article here, and I do this things, it said there if I want to modify his behavior, I have to put him in the separate room, so he can settle down. Well, I put him in the garage for not even a minute, some people keep animals outside all day.
And I don't think there is anything wrong with it, he should not be putting his claws on me, he is a domisticated animal.
Maybe I should get a dog instead.

Originally Posted by Lushe

Why is everyone portraying me as such a bad person. I read the article here, and I do this things, it said there if I want to modify his behavior, I have to put him in the separate room, so he can settle down. Well, I put him in the garage for not even a minute, some people keep animals outside all day.
And I don't think there is anything wrong with it, he should not be putting his claws on me, he is a domisticated animal.
Maybe I should get a dog instead.

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There are situations where it may be appropriate to close a cat up in a room for a time. Your situation is not one of them.

You must learn to respect your cat's personality. You cannot make him respond to you the way you want him to.

The only way you are going to win him over is by being gentle with him and respecting his unique personality. Even then you may never get the response you want. You just have to accept this.

You put them in a seperate room for a time out if they are being aggressive.
Your cat is not being aggressive, he's being defensive.

Some cats simply do not like to be picked up, some don't really care for attention at all.

Your best course of action is to feed him, and talk nicely to him, but otherwise ignore him.
When he wants attention from you, he will come to you.

I think cats pick up on signals people give without being aware of it. I'm sure we'd agree there are some people meant to be cat people and some who aren't. Most of us have seen or know about cases where a cat likes one person and dislikes another and we don't have any idea why. In my case, I've always liked cats, and I think for the most part cats like me. There's just some non-verbal communication going on there that cats are more attuned to than people are. Perhaps that's what's going on here. Maybe this person would be better off with a dog. Dogs are genetically programmed to love humans. Cats aren't. I hope she finds an animal that can love her back, but it may not be this particular cat.

If you want your cat to hate you then it's not helping when you hit him and throwing him in a garage, a hot one at that.

Some cats don't like being picked up and smothered with affection, and if theres one thing you can't do it's forcing them into liking it because it doesn't work that way with cats.