Men... There's gotta be a way to understand them!

I love my husband very much and I cut him slack all the time because he's the one bringing in the money at the moment. I'm a student but I mainly manage the bills and the house. But... when I ask him to do something like help me with the garbage, he says he'll do it later. Then comes the next day and the next, until I do whatever by myself. Or when he says he's taken care of something on our bank account but then it shows up again the next month and the next! Until finally I have to fix it myself even though it's his account! Example, he used to play Eve Online but they still keep charging the subscriptions so I'm trying to hack into his account to see if he really took care of it or not.
Why do men do that?!
Should I be mad?
And every time I approach him about it, he promises he'll take care of it. I feel like we're breaking apart sometimes. What should I do?!

I don't know. Mine's the same way. I'm constantly reminding him to do things and then he tells me to "quit nagging". If I don't remind him then I get the "why didn't you remind me?" Uggg, you just can't win.

men. cant live with em and 'toys' cant mow the lawn.

Originally Posted by catgirl2548m

men. cant live with em and 'toys' cant mow the lawn.

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That was funny!

gag him, tie him and put him in the cupboard

Seriously, I think pick a time when it's relaxed, he's not just come home from work and is still stressed etc, and talk to him about how you feel and how it is affecting you. Tell him you understand he is tired etc but he still has to take care of his own responsibilites even though you don't mind helping out too.

Oh Stacy, I so totally understand....

Frankly, most men are not detail oriented. I know that sounds like a cop-out, but they aren't. I don't know how many times we've had arguments about the same thing, especially with the money.

I've been with mine for 10 years. It's gotten better, but he still doesn't take care of things that aren't important to him. And I've realized that I need to pick my battles and make sure the battles I choose to fight are really the important ones.

Yeah...I'm young, but I'm finding out with my relationship that it's just something you have to deal with / not stress over. I am the kind of person who has HUGE respect for the clock...I'm always on time...or EARLY! And I always like to have a plan get things done and out of the way... And on the other had my SO has no respect for schedules. He was raised to kind of live on his own time, and he always wonders why he gets to places and they're closed, or he misses appointments, or why he can't turn in his homework 3 days late!!! UGH...SOOOOO aggrevating!!! But, it's good to know I'm not alone...

Men are no good. Throw rocks at them.

Well, lets see here.... I am the primary breadwinner, typically putting in 50-60 hour work weeks. I do all the yard work, all my own laundry and about 3/4 of the kids'; I take care of all the bills, do the vacuuming, the dusting, the mopping, the bathroom cleaning, and the emptying of the dishwasher; I wash the cars, fill both cars with gas, take out the garbage, and kill spiders.

I do not cook, and only shop for groceries if there is an immediate need for something.

My wife had a tantrum yesterday because we were out of bread and sugar and it was all my fault.

What was the question again?

Originally Posted by Jarvis

Yeah...I'm young, but I'm finding out with my relationship that it's just something you have to deal with / not stress over. I am the kind of person who has HUGE respect for the clock...I'm always on time...or EARLY! And I always like to have a plan get things done and out of the way... And on the other had my SO has no respect for schedules. He was raised to kind of live on his own time, and he always wonders why he gets to places and they're closed, or he misses appointments, or why he can't turn in his homework 3 days late!!! UGH...SOOOOO aggrevating!!! But, it's good to know I'm not alone...

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Same here!

Originally Posted by Karl

Men are no good. Throw rocks at them.

Well, lets see here.... I am the primary breadwinner, typically putting in 50-60 hour work weeks. I do all the yard work, all my own laundry and about 3/4 of the kids'; I take care of all the bills, do the vacuuming, the dusting, the mopping, the bathroom cleaning, and the emptying of the dishwasher; I wash the cars, fill both cars with gas, take out the garbage, and kill spiders.

I do not cook, and only shop for groceries if there is an immediate need for something.

My wife had a tantrum yesterday because we were out of bread and sugar and it was all my fault.

What was the question again?

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Hey! This was supposed to be a men-bashing thread!!!

In all seriousness, I love my SO with all my heart...he does ALOT for me...BUT, men and wonme are different. period. And its better to talk (complain about it) than let it bug you!

Don't be offended

Originally Posted by Karl

Men are no good. Throw rocks at them.

Well, lets see here.... I am the primary breadwinner, typically putting in 50-60 hour work weeks. I do all the yard work, all my own laundry and about 3/4 of the kids'; I take care of all the bills, do the vacuuming, the dusting, the mopping, the bathroom cleaning, and the emptying of the dishwasher; I wash the cars, fill both cars with gas, take out the garbage, and kill spiders.

I do not cook, and only shop for groceries if there is an immediate need for something.

My wife had a tantrum yesterday because we were out of bread and sugar and it was all my fault.

What was the question again?

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I make dinner, get groceries, study for college, make sure appointments are kept, make sure all the bills are satisfied, take care of the cats, clean the house (all of it), do the laundry and kill whatever bugs I find. So far none yet, lol.
He works at a military hospital with the patients that come from Iraq, has been trying to get his pay straightened out, gets groceries with me, takes care of our one and only old car, helps make dinner and... plays games.

I have no advice. But it sounds like he considers you his mother instead of his equal partner in life.

Perhaps the 2 of you should consider marriage counselling so that you can learn how to better deal with him and he can learn what it is to be a husband?

I'm not working right now but I don't feel that should mean I have to do everything. My DH works and plays x-box. I don't mind doing most of the household stuff but it wouldn't kill him to help out once and while. The other weekend I had to force him to come help me with the yard work. He whined and b#$%$& the whole time. He said he didn't want to do yard work on his day off and I told him too bad, it's called life. He kinda shut up after that.

My husband isn't like that in the least (I don't think I could put up with it) but I have to say, your husband sounds EXACTLY like my nine year-old. It drives me crazy. I hope you can get your husband to start helping out. Good luck!

Originally Posted by Karl

Men are no good. Throw rocks at them.

Well, lets see here.... I am the primary breadwinner, typically putting in 50-60 hour work weeks. I do all the yard work, all my own laundry and about 3/4 of the kids'; I take care of all the bills, do the vacuuming, the dusting, the mopping, the bathroom cleaning, and the emptying of the dishwasher; I wash the cars, fill both cars with gas, take out the garbage, and kill spiders.

I do not cook, and only shop for groceries if there is an immediate need for something.

My wife had a tantrum yesterday because we were out of bread and sugar and it was all my fault.

What was the question again?

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Exact opposite in my house.

I am the ONLY breadwinner (I'm female), working 45-50 hours a week. I also do all the cooking, all the cleaning (except his bathroom and his office, which don't get cleaned very often), pay the bills, balance the checkbook, take out the trash, do my own laundry (he does his or it doesn't get done), 1/2 of the lawn, wash the dishes, fill and start the dishwasher, empty the dishwasher, take care of the cats, and he was whining yesterday because he had to "deal" with the termite inspector.

There has to be a better way ..

Don't worry honey, I'll take the trash out as soon as the game is over.

Originally Posted by Misty8723

There has to be a better way ..

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Perhaps some sort of trade could be worked out. Our respective spouses certainly sound like they deserve each other.

DH is the same way. After years of battling about it, we finally realized that we were approaching things from different angles. When we agreed he'd do something "later" I meant sometime that day, he meant sometime before the end of life as we know it. We finally decided to come to an agreement on a reasonable time frame for certain tasks. If it's not done by the agreed on time frame, I get to nag him. I've also helped him out by starting a "To Do" list for him, which I hang on the fridge for him to refer to when he has a few minutes to fill. I can't say that it's completely solved the problem, but it is a lot better. At least he acknowledges I have a reason to nag him when it gets to that.

And, Karl, I work 50-60 hours a week, make more money than he does, do all the cooking, do the dishes, do most of the laundry, keep the house tidied up, do any interim cleaning between our cleaning ladies' visits, clean and maintain the pool, help rake the loose pears in the yard before mowing. He mows the yard, does the grocery shopping once a week, pays the household bills, sometimes helps with laundry, takes out the garbage once a week, and kills spiders.

I don't think it's not that men are no good, just that the house doesn't "talk" to them like it does to women. Even in this day and age, women tend to be judged by how their house is kept. It's unfair, but true. So undone stuff around the house just bothers us one heck of a lot more than it bothers most men.

Originally Posted by Tari

So undone stuff around the house just bothers us one heck of a lot more than it bothers most men.

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Interesting. My wife certainly feels that way about our house. So she tells me to go clean it.

This feeling seems to stop right at the door to the master suite (bedroom, bathroom, den). She has basically turned that entire area into her own personal s%^$hole. It is no longer livable by anyone but her. Boxes, clothes, suitcases, more clothes, all strewn everywhere, such as it is almost impossible to walk around up there. Which is why I avoid that area of the house as much as possible. I guess even she realizes that she can't pin that mess on me, nor expect me to clean it up after her.

The delicious irony is that she gets on the kids about cleaning up their rooms. They'll catch on to her hypocrisy soon enough.

Originally Posted by Karl

Interesting. My wife certainly feels that way about our house. So she tells me to go clean it.

This feeling seems to stop right at the door to the master suite (bedroom, bathroom, den). She has basically turned that entire area into her own personal s%^$hole. It is no longer livable by anyone but her. Boxes, clothes, suitcases, more clothes, all strewn everywhere, such as it is almost impossible to walk around up there. Which is why I avoid that area of the house as much as possible. I guess even she realizes that she can't pin that mess on me, nor expect me to clean it up after her.

The delicious irony is that she gets on the kids about cleaning up their rooms. They'll catch on to her hypocrisy soon enough.

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Yikes! Our room was like that for a while after we moved in and I'm finally getting the last of the boxes unpacked and out. Let's just hope it stays that way with the whole money issue we're having.