eh? sorry, be right there after we finish this raid dear.
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Men... There's gotta be a way to understand them!
- Thread starter stacyd1987
- Start Date
From 30 years of marriage, I'll just say this. When someone figures out how to understand them would somebody let me know.
Seriously, my hubby was much like yours. Always late for appointments, untidy around the house, never much worried about bills getting paid, and the list goes on.
We sat down and made a list of things he was better at than I was and what I was better at than he and proceeded to divide responsibilities in that way.
I look after all household bills, do the laundry and all cleaning and cook the meals and do the dishes. He does all the yard work. His yard is very important to him and he has it looking beautiful. However, he never notices anything in the house, i.e., his tools on the kitchen table, his musical instruments laying around the living room, his dirty dishes in the sink or sitting on top of the counter directly above the dishwasher.
I've come to discover that most (and I say most not all) men are very single-minded. In our instance, if my hubby has something on his mind such as a job he wants to do or something he wants to fix or make, he honestly doesn't see anything else. He is totally focused on that. He is not a lazy man at all - he's always (and I mean always) busy doing something.
So, after 30+ years with him, I do as Heidi says - I pick my battles. I don't ask him to help me in the house and he doesn't expect me to help him outside although we will both help each other if the situation warrants it.
If his untidiness starts to stress me out, I calmly (only way that is effective with him) ask him to please, please clean up his mess as I'm getting stressed.
The up side of the whole thing is, he doesn't drink very much (about 6 beers a year and a bit of wine), he's always home working on something to improve our home or lives, he never goes out to bars with a bunch of guys, he is kind, gentle and fun to be with, so I try not to complain. If he's responsible for something and doesn't do it - it doesn't get done and I leave him to deal with the consequences if there are any.
Seriously, my hubby was much like yours. Always late for appointments, untidy around the house, never much worried about bills getting paid, and the list goes on.
We sat down and made a list of things he was better at than I was and what I was better at than he and proceeded to divide responsibilities in that way.
I look after all household bills, do the laundry and all cleaning and cook the meals and do the dishes. He does all the yard work. His yard is very important to him and he has it looking beautiful. However, he never notices anything in the house, i.e., his tools on the kitchen table, his musical instruments laying around the living room, his dirty dishes in the sink or sitting on top of the counter directly above the dishwasher.
I've come to discover that most (and I say most not all) men are very single-minded. In our instance, if my hubby has something on his mind such as a job he wants to do or something he wants to fix or make, he honestly doesn't see anything else. He is totally focused on that. He is not a lazy man at all - he's always (and I mean always) busy doing something.
So, after 30+ years with him, I do as Heidi says - I pick my battles. I don't ask him to help me in the house and he doesn't expect me to help him outside although we will both help each other if the situation warrants it.
If his untidiness starts to stress me out, I calmly (only way that is effective with him) ask him to please, please clean up his mess as I'm getting stressed.
The up side of the whole thing is, he doesn't drink very much (about 6 beers a year and a bit of wine), he's always home working on something to improve our home or lives, he never goes out to bars with a bunch of guys, he is kind, gentle and fun to be with, so I try not to complain. If he's responsible for something and doesn't do it - it doesn't get done and I leave him to deal with the consequences if there are any.
I dont get it... I have been married for 3 years and been living with him for 4 years... It STILL takes me asking him for 4 days to clean the floors, before it actually gets done...
We both have our chores...
His
- Clean the floors once a week
-do the dishes every other day
-take out the trash
-keep the kitchen clean
mine
-dust and clean the ENTIRE house
-clean the floors in the bathroom (because I guess there must a magical boundry that keeps him from cleaning it when he does the rest of the floors)
- scoop the poop
- give all the animals that are on medications, their meds
-do the laundry (which includes putting his laundry away since, once again, there must be some magical boundry stopping him)
- water the plants and maintain the gardens
- manage the finances
oh, and did I mention I work fulltime AND go to school full time....
The dishes ACTUALLY get done about twice a week and the floors get cleaned about once every week and a half to 2 weeks.
But somehow he can manage to play video games every other evening
Guys... go figure
We both have our chores...
His
- Clean the floors once a week
-do the dishes every other day
-take out the trash
-keep the kitchen clean
mine
-dust and clean the ENTIRE house
-clean the floors in the bathroom (because I guess there must a magical boundry that keeps him from cleaning it when he does the rest of the floors)
- scoop the poop
- give all the animals that are on medications, their meds
-do the laundry (which includes putting his laundry away since, once again, there must be some magical boundry stopping him)
- water the plants and maintain the gardens
- manage the finances
oh, and did I mention I work fulltime AND go to school full time....
The dishes ACTUALLY get done about twice a week and the floors get cleaned about once every week and a half to 2 weeks.
But somehow he can manage to play video games every other evening
Guys... go figure
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #24
Somehow you just quoted what he said last night...
I think most men just don't like to deal with details, I am not married so I don't have a comparison on that point. However, I do have a male boss, and also several male department heads to deal with regularly and they are all the same..It is the smallest details that get missed..
You can point it out to them, they will acknowledge it then just forget about it and I think why it annoys me so much is it's always the things that if they did as soon as you told them about it it would never be a issue.
It's weird
Must be genetic
You can point it out to them, they will acknowledge it then just forget about it and I think why it annoys me so much is it's always the things that if they did as soon as you told them about it it would never be a issue.
It's weird
There are neat guys out there. I'm a pretty neat guy. Though they tend to be a little neurotic. The insanely neat/clean freak guys are kind of scary to be around, get their panties all up in a knot if you even breathe near their stuff. There are also lazy/messy girls out there too, I used to date a few.
But generally, I think guys tend to like to have their own little space, whether it's a workshop, study, garage, 10 acres of land, etc. They'll probably keep THAT area spotless, but to heck with anywhere else.
But generally, I think guys tend to like to have their own little space, whether it's a workshop, study, garage, 10 acres of land, etc. They'll probably keep THAT area spotless, but to heck with anywhere else.
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #27
Oh he doesn't even keep his computer area clean! I've stopped cleaning it to see how far it would go, let's just say it was BAD!
You know, I read this whole thread and had to laugh. I guess some of the gals here, just don't have the right man
I too, have seen some really messy and or lazy woman. I handle all the finances here, if not, they would be screwed up. In fact, I handle it so well, nothing can get by me. I do dishes, take out the trash, cut the grass and I love to vacuum for some reason. I am a neat freak in this house, but of course, with our cats, it can never be that neat. I can not stand clutter!! Actually, my wife and I share the house work, so we are pretty even there. But, my wife is the one who makes ALL the clutter. She leaves her clothes all over, can NEVER throw anything away. For instance. She can get the mail, look at it and even know it is just junk, will set it down on the counter. If I do not put it in the trash, it would still be there a month later, under a pile of all the other junk mail she would leave there. Now, my wife does the majority of the cooking. Not that I can not cook, but she loves to cook and is very good at it. So, I am the one who cleans up while she cooks or I will help her cook. We both share in the cat duties. All in all, I would say we share the work around here 50/50. We both work, so that is how I feel it should be. Maybe I am just different than a lot of guys. I don't play video games or waste time watching sports. In fact, I don't really watch a lot of TV, except for the time my wife and I watch it during dinner or if we are relaxing in the evening.
I guess it all depends on how you were raised. My mom and dad never picked up after us. We had to keep our rooms clean and neat. If we got out our toys, we had to be sure they were put away when we were done.
I guess it all depends on how you were raised. My mom and dad never picked up after us. We had to keep our rooms clean and neat. If we got out our toys, we had to be sure they were put away when we were done.
This is how I am with the finances and clutter
I am in the opposite situation, almost. I work out of the house and DH works from home but yet I am still the one who does all the laundry and all the cleaning and most of the cooking. Its gotton to the point where when I come home from work he and Karma are both looking for food. When I ask him if he had lunch or feed the cat he says and I quote "well Karma only eats when you are home and I forget to eat unless you put food in front of my face"
Karma I get, its true she will only eat when I am home. but him come on, he sits there with a straight face and trys to make me believe he is incapable of eating with out me. Either I am needed way more than I know or I some how have 2 cats.
The laundry I get too. I had him do the laundry once about 10 years ago when we first moved in together and he ruined most of my stuff so now is just easier to do it all myself. Oh and try living in a skateboard factory. Yup my DH builds the boards in the house. We don't have a garage, he buildes them in the kitchen and bathroom. Everything has a nice layer of sawdust and paint on it.
So you are not alone. Any one of us who live with men understand. They go from their moms to their wives. If they time it right they will never have to do one thing for themselves ever.
I did notice on thing tonight though. If my DH is in the mood for some "marital relations" the house looks great. I got home tofay and everything was done. I know what he has on his mind. He even showered for a change.
Men you can't live with 'em and you can't shoot 'em.
(don't take that to heart anyone, I do not condone violence but sometimes, I swear I'll
)
Karma I get, its true she will only eat when I am home. but him come on, he sits there with a straight face and trys to make me believe he is incapable of eating with out me. Either I am needed way more than I know or I some how have 2 cats.
The laundry I get too. I had him do the laundry once about 10 years ago when we first moved in together and he ruined most of my stuff so now is just easier to do it all myself. Oh and try living in a skateboard factory. Yup my DH builds the boards in the house. We don't have a garage, he buildes them in the kitchen and bathroom. Everything has a nice layer of sawdust and paint on it.
So you are not alone. Any one of us who live with men understand. They go from their moms to their wives. If they time it right they will never have to do one thing for themselves ever.
I did notice on thing tonight though. If my DH is in the mood for some "marital relations" the house looks great. I got home tofay and everything was done. I know what he has on his mind. He even showered for a change.
Men you can't live with 'em and you can't shoot 'em.
(don't take that to heart anyone, I do not condone violence but sometimes, I swear I'll
Heh so many of you have described my boyfriend to. I do all the cooking and dishes, thats by my choice tho because im cant eat off dirty dishes lol, and if he washes and i point out that its not clean he turns it into an argument on how im way to fussy and thereis nothign wrong with it lol. So yeah and i have to ask him to do anything around the house. I wish that he will walk past the table and see that the catlogs need to be put in the bin or anything like that.
Bless your heart, you hit the bullseye.
I have been with a wonderful guy for 22 years. He is not much for stuff around the house, though he has gotten much better lately. For many years I did not work or go to school, so I felt it was my responsibility to keep the house, as we have a very traditional relationship in many ways. If I ask him to do something, he will do it, lately it has been right whenever I ask so he does not forget. It is not that he does not want to do what I ask him to, he gets busy and forgets. He has particularly done better since I would full time at one place, and part time, (my choice), at another. He cooks sometimes, does all the "manly" stuff like fixng things around the house, yard work, taking out the trash, grilling, but I still kill most of the spiders.
We had known each other for years, friends before being a couple, and both knew exactly what we were getting when we started out. We are not exactly neat freaks, but the house is not gross either. We have a good balance.
Part of the reason I do the laundry is because of how badly he has messed it up in the past.
He once decided to wash my VERY expensive bras with the rest of the clothing. I dont know HOW but 2 of my bra were melted together. He managed to do this twice....
NO matter how many times I'd tell him "read the washing instructions on the label" He just didn't get it.
He would also wash my nasty work scrubs and his nasty work clothes with my nice clothing. (he does construction so I had a yellow crayon thing melted to one of my nice shirts once)
Since then... He is not permitted to even touch the washer or dryer...
He once decided to wash my VERY expensive bras with the rest of the clothing. I dont know HOW but 2 of my bra were melted together. He managed to do this twice....
NO matter how many times I'd tell him "read the washing instructions on the label" He just didn't get it.
He would also wash my nasty work scrubs and his nasty work clothes with my nice clothing. (he does construction so I had a yellow crayon thing melted to one of my nice shirts once)
Since then... He is not permitted to even touch the washer or dryer...
