What Women/Men Want?

well, this has been on my mind a long time.

Relationships

and i wonder how everyone else feels about this subject,
as in, what does everyone here want & need from their
relationships? from your lovers, husbands, boyfriends, girlfriends?

i have been in a few pretty heavy relationships already,
and i have been in a lot of relationships, period.

it always seems that the men & women attracted to me are
willing to do anything, and everything for me, and this
really turns me away, as, it's always been this way, since
i can remember.

even my best-friend, who i was at one point intimate with,
is constantly cleaning the house, doing the dishes, doing
the laundry, asking me before making any decisions, tidying
up my room! caring for things in general, without any
expectations on me to do anything... but i have a part, if
i didnt, or thought i didnt, the relationship would not be
equal.

what i want is to feel attracted to someone, have a fire, but not too hot -
as that can be dangerous, i want to feel secure, know that
i can give my trust freely, i would need to feel safe, and cherished.
appreciated and adored. as ALL women should feel, of course!
but also have the ability to adore and cherish that person in return.
want them in return. need them in return.

i need someone who isnt exactly like me, who has diversity
in their way of thinking, and passion in their way of loving,
someone who has the ability to see the humour in life, and
the little things. someone who will stand loyal through
any & all things, and will put my needs up next to his.
i need someone who challenges me.

i know all relationships are complicated & fragile in a lot
of ways, but, what really makes a relationship work?

what do you think makes love/marriage/relations work?

and what do you want/need in your signifigant other, whether you
have one or not (i, presently, do not).

Blue

I have been married for 4 years now and let me tell you it is not all a bed of roses. We have been through some tough times together. I am not sure what has kept us together, but I do know that we love each other to bits.

The most important thing besides love I think is respect. I know that does not sound romantic but when you loose the respect there is nothing left.

When we met neither of us was looking for a relationship at the time and so we did not really try, things just evolved and neither of us had any expectations, I think that helped the most.

The only advice I can give is don't go looking for love when the time is right it will hit you like a ton of bricks and there won't be anything you can do about it. And it will be a bumpy ride, and sometimes you will feel like jumping off but it sure is worth it.

Spike

Spike!

i agree, i think respect is definitley one of the most
important things. a relationship cannot hold together
without it, it's like glue.

i am definitley not looking for love,
i've been happily single for over two years now,
i'm not ready for love... not yet. one day, though.

thanks for your input, Spike!

Blue,

Although I'm divorced (for over 20 years), the key from what I've learned in my past relationships is:

1. Never give too much too soon (that is definitely my fault) when dating. Leave a little to the imagination (that advice comes from my deceased dad).

2. Respect the person, the person's privacy and their space.

3. Be honest. There is nothing worse than being caught in a lie. Once that happens, it's hard to get the trust back.

4. Trust. That is very important. Without it, a relationship doesn't stand a chance.

5. Most important - COMMUNICATION!!! I was in a marriage where there was no communication. If my husband was mad at me, he stayed mad and gave me the silent treatment. Whether it's good or bad, talk to each other. That is the only way to work things out. Arguing without violence can be healthy.

6. Fidelity. The grass always SEEMS greener on the other side. But trust me from experience, it's not.

7. Let them know you love them at least once a day. You never know what tomorrow will bring.

Ooops, I forgot one more important thing. When in an argument, think before you speak and DO NOT saying anything you'll regret. Hurtful words can and will come back to bite you in the rear-end. Always remember that once words are spoken they can never be taken back, no matter how much you apologize. And words can and do cut like a knife.

That's my view from the couch and years of experience. And to think it only took me 27 years to figure it all out!

[Edited by donna on 05-08-2001 at 02:38 PM]

Amen to that Donna!

I have been with my husband for 5 years now and it's actually getting better by the day, or so it seems.

Sure, there are rough moments. My fault really... My parents are divorced and I grew up with them having a very bad relationship. My dad was always the family man and my mom was the one who always felt she needed to get out and break free. I now realize that she was trying to break free from her own inner demons (and apparently leaving my dad was not the solution...).

When things are tough for me (like during my depression and panic attacks episode, a couple of years ago), I had a dreadful urge to get out of the relationship I was in. It was as if I was possessed. I knew that I loved him and he was so supportive through the whole time, but I kept hearing my mom's voice in my head telling me to get out now! It was very bad, especially as it stressed me even more and triggered countless more panic attacks

I think I can honestly say that prozac saved our relationship. It let me get hold of myself and rediscover the love I had inside me for that wonderful man. I shudder to think of what might have become of my life without him!

My lesson? If you know in your heart you're on to something good, stick to it even through the rough times. And never make major decisions when you're depressed! I'm so glad I didn't...

All of the above are important in a relationship. I think even for just friends. I have been married for 7 years now and I can honestly say I have always loved my husband but at times didn't like him very much. It is important to take a step back sometimes and remember why you fell in love in the first place. I dont think that there is anyone in the world you will get along with 100%. Marriage takes a lot of work on both parts. I think Every option should be utilized before ever giving up on a relationship. With the exception of abuse on either part.

Loaded question!

I have been happily married to my John (my Dutch treat) for 24 years, and been together for 26. There have been some very rough spots, but we always manage, through respect and love, to work them through. But I do agree, respect is so important. After all these years, if I make him a pot of tea, he says thank you honey. If I make a special effort to make something different for dinner, he compliments me on it and says thank you. If, rarely, I make his lunch for work, he'll inevitably say thanks honey for making my lunch.

I also never take him for granted. When he does something to please me I always let him know how much he is appreciated. He rarely calls me "Linda" and I rarely call him "John" - it is usually "honey" or "sweetheart".

His family are wonderful people so I also have no in-law problems. I'd say I lucked out.

But you are also right when you say, I love him, but sometimes I don't like him. We both have "our warts", but mainly I like him with his warts and all.

P.S. - I didn't like him much the night I met him! Go figure!

Thank you...I don't think I could have said it any better.
I would love to see everyone's boyfriends..lol..I'm such a showoff about my hunk of love! LOL

I will try and sneak a pic of hubby in here. He has to put it on our website. I guess I could name it something funky..hehe so keep an eye out.

Plaster him on up here Sandie!

Well, if anyone wants me to post my sgrpyhnybnchesoflov.. just ask! :laughing:

Of course we do!! Everyone who can, post the love of your life. I mean the human ones

Here's my hunk of burnin' love...we are so in love! : love:





Well, that took care of one page...sorry 'bout that! lOL Phil Hernon holds the title for Mr. USA 1995...other than that...he's nothing less than almost perfect for me

I have been with my hubby 4 years and it has been a very bumpy road! We have grown closer thru it all and we have learned not to forget and remind each other how important we are to each other! He is my best friend along with everything else! He is never home but we talk at least twice a day! Never go to bed angry!! You never know what tomorrow has in store for you!

In addition to everything that everbody else has listed, I would say that it is important to remember that relationships are work. If you don't remember to work on them, they may fade away before realize it. Too many people think that having a good relationship is automatic if you care about someone. It takes a lot more than inertia to keep a relationship on track.

Catarina, how long have you been together? I thought you said you were not in a relationship right now?

He is one hunk of a guy alright... what muscles!



This is the same photo as I posted in the picture pictures thread. As soon as I have the new computer running I will try and get a few more of my personal hunk

I have to concur with most everyone. I have told the stories or parts thereof of my past loves and in my gained wisdom, I have found that TRUST, COMMUNICATION and RESPECT rank very high on making a relationship work. In fact, I believe that your love must indeed be your bestfriend as well as your lover.

Having had my heart broken, I have also learned that once the fire starts to burn in your heart there is not much you can do to stop it and unless you can at least guide it, lest you run the risk of being hurt.

I have had passion and I have had love and I have had both together and know that, after the passion fades and when the lights come on, you still have to have a common ground to share views, conversations, etc. on to make a relationship work.

And, yes, I agree, that it is really WORK. And it cannot be one person giving or taking more, but an equally shared partnership where both give their all.

I even have my views on infadelity that most will find odd. Both of my ex's are/were bi and open minded and all that, and I actively encouraged both to seek out lady friends, but I have noticed that some men are threatened by this, whereas I am not. But,it takes a certain mentality and trust between two people if you want to get into the wilder side of a relationship, which I have come to learn that more than most have had some experience in.

But, no matter your desires, likes or kinks, two people in a relationship MUST have the utmost in respect and communication with each other to make it work.

ARGH! The moniters wigging, so I'll have to cut this short.

well I think I am the worst person to comment on relationships considering my track record of men LOL I often tend to make the wrong decisions with men....but like I said last time - NEVER AGAIN.

these are my thoughts on what is needed to make a healthy realtionship......

1) respect for one another
2) enjoying each others company - there is nothing worse than being in a realtionship with someone you like but have nothing in common with
3) trust - very high on my list
4) telling the truth
5) being able to laugh together and have fun together
6) being able to take the good with the bad and not just walk away when the going gets tough!

there are just so many I could go on and on and on...but I would hate to bore you all.....

I must just add that GREAT SEX can do no harm.

Yes, GREAT SEX does make it a lot of fun and there is one more thing that goes with that: Laughter in the bedroom. If a couple can share laughter in the bedroom, aka, their private jokes, etc., it makes things even more entertaining.