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Hi guys- I need a shoulder

post #1 of 19
Thread Starter 
Well, I went out shopping for the afternoon today, as it was the kids' first day back at school and my only day off from work this week. When I went to pick up the kids at their school when I got home I found out that my daughter (age 7) had spent the day in the school sick room. She said she missed me so much it made her tummy hurt. Now shes begging me to quit my job so I can spend more time with her. The problem is, we need my income to meet all our financial obligations.

I'm broken hearted over this I feel like a horrible mother but don't know what else to do. I'm going to talk to my employer tomorrow about getting one extra day off a week. That will give me a little extra time with her, but won't affect my paycheck too heavily.

Other than that, I'm at a loss. I make sure to spend time reading to, and playing games with my kids, trying to make sure that although our time together may not be a lot, its quality.

Anyone have any advice on how to help my little girl through this? Even if I DO quit my job, she still has to go to school and be away from me several hours a day....

Thanks for listening
post #2 of 19
I think I've posted to you before about this subject, but I'll say it again.

You will never be able to get this time you are missing back again. If it is making your daughter physically ill, something is obviously wrong. There has to be a way that you can cut your hours back so that you can spend more time w/ the kids, and still meet your financial obligations. There are so many ways to save money, everything from cancelling internet and cable, to using coupons when you food shop. Where there is a will, there is a way. 100% Those are small prices to pay for the happiness of your kids.

Don't make your children suffer any more than they have to. Maybe work 2 days a week so you still have a small paycheck but the kids aren't paying the ultimate price.

I have very strong feelings about moms who work, mostly due to the fact that I do homedaycare and I see the kids whose mom's drop them off. I see what they are missing, lacking, and hurting for. And although they are getting quality good care from me, I cannot replace MOM. Neither can school, nursery school, or anything else.
post #3 of 19
I'll sit on the other side of the fence for this one. Your daughter has to go to school. Are your working hours the same as her school hours, Mel? If so, I can't see much benefit in you quitting your job. I wouldn't be surprised if this behavior was in response to some of the other stuff she has been through, but your daughter having a tummy ache at school can fast become a daily habit. We have a little girl at school doing the same thing. She cries and says she has a tummy ache every single day because she wants to go home, and sure enough, somebody comes to pick her up. If your daughter is distraught to that point, maybe some counseling is in order.
post #4 of 19
I agree w/ Deb...if you are working while they are in school then obviously she has to go to school. But I thought I remember you posting that they have to go to daycare after school because you work later?? Maybe I'm wrong.
But my post earlier was with the assumption that your kids are attending daycare after school.
post #5 of 19
Thread Starter 
Deb- I work from 8:30 -5:30 . The kids usually go to after school care from 2:30 til 4:30 when my mom picks them up. I am speaking to my boss tomorrow about cutting my hours back, but I do have to work. I stayed home with the kids until they were both in school, I did work a few years ago, but it was a night shift and their dad was home with them.

I talked to my daughter and she says that its not school thats bothering her, but the fact that she has to stay 2 or 3 hours afterwards. She doesn't like the daycare teacher very much, so thats not helping either.

I'm looking into finding someone to come to my house after school on the days I have to work. I think it may help to have them in their own home, even if I can't be there until 5:30.

I also plan to speak to a pediatrician about this, to see if she might benefit from councelling.

Thanks for listening and all your advice.
post #6 of 19
Melissa, my heart reaches out to you. Gary and I don't have children, so I've not had to face this problem.

I had a friend who had to work after having a child. Her baby attended daycare from a very early age (all day). Her husband was able to adjust his working hours in the earlier years, and would often pick her up early from daycare. When she reached about five, my friend was able to quit her job and become a full time mom. She has a beautiful, well adjusted little girl. She missed out on some wonderful years, but now they have time together.

You must follow your heart. But if your pocketbook can't take it, then you have to do what you must. Speak with your employer. Try to find a different job or work different hours. Explore the possiblities and try to create new options before "giving up." I don't know what hubby does, but can he explore those options too?

Just wanted to toss alternative ideas out there.
post #7 of 19

I'll bet her not liking the daycare teacher has a LOT to do with it. I do agree with Daniela, but sometimes these days we just have to work to make ends meet. You can continue to make sure that the evenings are filled with quality time.
post #8 of 19
Thread Starter 
I'm going to call the school tomorrow and ask them whats going on. Apparently the regular daycare teacher hasn't been in much lately and this new lady is the one my daughter doesn't like.

There's no way I can switch shifts at my job, since its a Hardware store and theres only one shift. My hubby may be able to juggle his shifts a bit, but it would mean him working nights and thats hard on us all in the end.

My best bet right now is to talk to my employer about cutting my hours back, I guess. I used to get Mondays and Wednesdays off, as well as Sunday when the store is closed, and Chris would have Saturdays off. That only leaves three days to cover, and my mom can get them on one of those days. So if all goes well they will only be spending 4 hours in daycare a week, which isn't so horrible. My daughter seemed ok with that when I explained it to her.

Now, since we are short staffed at work at the moment, I need a little Board Magic directed at my boss, to gain his understanding of my situation.

post #9 of 19
I would see about getting another teacher at the daycare. You may also talk to the teacher yourself and find out what the conflict is..
Best of luck!
post #10 of 19
Much positive energy coming at you Melissa. I've no advice since I have no kids, but we can all feel the pain in your post. I hope everything works out well for you and your kids.
post #11 of 19
I hope everything works out ok for you, all the best
post #12 of 19
I just have to say....some of us HAVE to work outside the home...yes we may miss out on alot of important stuff and it breaks my heart, but sometimes there really is no other alternative, and clipping coupons and ditching the internet/cable won't help. I am certainly not trying to make my child suffer, and I do feel very bad about it. I just think that sometimes it cannot be avoided and all we can do is the best that we can do. Hang in there Melissa, but if you can afford to cut back your hours, then do..if have to do what you have to do and it isn't because you want it that way.
post #13 of 19
Thread Starter 
Well- it seems I'm not a 'hysterical mother' after all. I took my daughter to the Doctor today and she is being sent for blood work and tests. It appears that she may have chronic appendicitis. This has been an off and on problem for the last two years and I got tired of the doctors giving me the runaround. I decided to try out a new doctor who has recently relocated here, and am very glad I did.

So she gets her blood tests tomorrow and is being referred to the pediatrician at the hospital to have all the appropriate tests run.

And this is why people should pay attention to a mothers instincts....
post #14 of 19
Oh my goodness! Your daughter is in my thoughts! Why didnt the drs get this earlier?
But I am glad that they may have gotten to the bottom of this!

post #15 of 19
Thread Starter 
My regular family doctor is getting up there in years, and is jaded with his profession. He'd rather pass things off as insignificant rather than send somebody for tests. Needless to say, we are switching to this new doctor who listens to my concerns and gets the job done.

Thanks for your well wishes and support :rainbow:
post #16 of 19
Positive energy coming for your daughter.

Definitely switch Drs. without delay! That happened with my mother too. He was old and jaded and pretty much assumed everyone was freaking out about nothing no matter what their concerns. Mom had a small lump on the back of her neck for 2 years before one of his nurses insisted that it be removed and tested. It turned out to be cancer, and who knows what could have been done if it was caught 2 years before it was.
post #17 of 19
Melissa, my thoughts and prayers are with your daughter.
post #18 of 19
OMG..Thank God they are finally doing something about this. Do they not realize how dangerous appendicitis can be??? Some doctors deserve a swift kick in the behind.

Sending positive thoughts your way.
post #19 of 19
I am so glad the new doctor caught the problem. It sounds like your former doctor needs to retire! I hope you can get your work situation resolved, too.
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