How to break up with a boyfriend?

mybabyphx

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Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 4 years this December. Things have been a bit rocky lately.... I've been thinking about moving out of the house (and taking PHX with me of course).

Can anyone give me some good tips on how to break up with a boyfriend that you live with?
 

danimarie

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Oh my god, been there, done that.
I need a little more information to offer advice though.

Problems you have...
Concerns for your future...
Etc....


 

karl

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Lay it on the line. Tell him:

-- He doesn't bring in his share of the household income.
-- He doesn't perform his share of the household upkeep.
-- He keeps wearing those jeans that make him look like a nerd.
-- He wrecked your car and won't pay to fix it.
-- His brother keeps drinking all the beer.

And anything else you can think of. I don't know if any of these issues apply to your own situation, but it doesn't really matter. Just make up stuff, and when he gets indignant and defensive, accuse him of shirking accountability, then stomp out of the room. Break-up accomplished.

Hope this helps. Cheers, Karl.
 

natalie_ca

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Easy. Just be honest and say how you feel and that you have decided that it is best to end the relationship.

Don't ad the "we can still be friends" because that's a kick in the teeth and being friends with an ex doesn't usually work out well because you either find yourselves falling back into the same pattern and eventually a going no where relationship, and then jealousy usually enters the picture when someone new comes into one person's life.

Just sit down and have an honest talk.
 

sarahp

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What Linda said. And make sure you have somewhere to move to!! Trying to break up and still living together (even for just a couple of days more) is baaad!
 
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mybabyphx

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Here's the thing....


I already TRIED talking to him. He refused to talk, and got upset. When I tried talking to him again- a different day- He was like "You already made up your mind to move out, what is there to talk about?" Men


Here's the thing:

+He doesn't help pay the bills, and we live in a 3 bedroom house!
+His friend/our roommate doesn't help pay the bills
+They don't even try to get good jobs to help me either!
+We have lost the 'spark' and I just don't feel the love anymore
+All we do is fight it seems like
+He's a pain in the @$$
+And YES, he does wear those stupid jeans.


I don't know if it's better to A. Save up money and move out to my own place B. Move into dad's, then save up money, then get my own place

If I move into my dad's I don't know where PHX will go.


As of right now we are dating, but I don't think it's going to last very long.....
 

pipersjo

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Just went through a similar situation. I broke up with him and, unfortunately for me, I had to live with him for a few months afterward. It sucked! I was honest with him, told him I was unhappy with how he treated me and I still loved him, but I could not stay with someone that treated me like that. Honesty really is the best policy!
 
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mybabyphx

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Originally Posted by sofiecusion

When is the lease up?
It's up at the end of December.

All 3 of our names are on it.... but if I just talked to the landlord I know I can get my name off of it. My bf and our roommate would probably just find a new roommate.
 

theimp98

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Originally Posted by mybabyphx

Here's the thing....


I already TRIED talking to him. He refused to talk, and got upset. When I tried talking to him again- a different day- He was like "You already made up your mind to move out, what is there to talk about?" Men



+We have lost the 'spark' and I just don't feel the love anymore
.....
well he is right, if you had the talk, then there is nothing left to talk about.
just do it, The more you want to talk about it, the more upset he is going to get.. yes its a man thing.

and that spark does not last for ever, you should not expect it to.
 
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mybabyphx

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Originally Posted by pipersjo

Just went through a similar situation. I broke up with him and, unfortunately for me, I had to live with him for a few months afterward. It sucked! I was honest with him, told him I was unhappy with how he treated me and I still loved him, but I could not stay with someone that treated me like that. Honesty really is the best policy!
I did tell him... he just didn't care.
 

sofiecusion

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Okay. That was what I was going to tell you to do.


Would your boyfriend and room mate agree to finding another room mate?
 
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mybabyphx

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Originally Posted by theimp98

well he is right, if you had the talk, then there is nothing left to talk about.
just do it, The more you want to talk about it, the more upset he is going to get.. yes its a man thing.

and that spark does not last for ever, you should not expect it to.
But he wouldn't talk to me!!! So, TECHNICALLY, No we did not have a talk!
 
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mybabyphx

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Originally Posted by sofiecusion

Okay. That was what I was going to tell you to do.


Would your boyfriend and room mate agree to finding another room mate?
Yes, they would find another roommate.

But, I don't have the money right now to get my own place.... considering I'm paying ALL the bills right now- I'm broke.


If I moved to my dad's I could save money... but where would PHX go?
 

carolpetunia

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Different perspective:

After living with my ex-significant-other for almost five years, I realized that he and I didn't want the same things. I was comfortable as we were, but I felt he deserved a chance to find someone who had the same dreams he did, someone to marry and have a family with.

So one evening as we sat on the couch after a TV show, I just said something like, "It seems like you and I are looking for different things. We're so good as friends -- but being a couple doesn't make sense if we're not trying to build the same future, y'know?"

He wasn't ready for that realization yet, so he resisted it... and he assumed at first that I was upset at him or disappointed in him somehow, so I had to do some convincing there. It really was a no-fault situation, and once I made him understand that I still adored him, he was able to see my point more clearly.

We went together to find him a new apartment, and I helped him move. The following night, we went to see Lyle Lovett at the Paramount in Austin, just as we'd planned to before the "breakup" happened.

Three weeks later, it became clear that his new apartment was intolerable (the air conditioning didn't work, but the landlord just kept pretending it did), so I helped him break that lease and move again.

We talked on the phone, had lunch every week or so, went to concerts and plays, and not much changed, really... the friendship had always been the best part of us.


Yes, there was a little bit of tension for awhile, because he still halfway wanted to be together and I did not -- but that eased over time, and soon he began dating... and then I introduced him to an old friend of mine from high school who had moved back into the area, and by golly, they ended up married, and now they have a 13-year-old boy (my pseudo-nephew)!


We can talk about literally anything, and we each know we can count on the other no matter what. That's much too good a friendship to throw away just because we didn't want to be a couple anymore, y'know? We split up in 1989, yet he remains my closest, dearest friend in all the world.

So... in the immortal words of Neil Sedaka, breaking up is hard to do. But you can do it gracefully, caringly, without rancor... and you can remain friends.

Natalie's right, though -- it might be best not to use that "let's be friends" phrase during the initial stages of the breakup. It's such a painful cliche!
 
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mybabyphx

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Originally Posted by theimp98

and that spark does not last for ever, you should not expect it to.
It's not JUST that... it's just I dont really know how much I love him anymore... it seems like the more I look at the relationship the more I hate the relationship.

I don't hate him- I hate the relationship. I do love him in my heart I mean we've been together for almost 4 years!!!

Do you think it would be ok if me and him just took a break? Lived on our own? Or is that a disaster altogether?
 

gailuvscats

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Well if all three names are on the lease you are only responsible for 1/3 and no more. So beginning now just pay your share. If the landlord has a problem he can start evicting them. In the meantime try to find another place for you and your cat. can't you sweet talk your father into accepting you and the cat.

If your boyfriend asks you why you are leaving, although he doesn't seem to care, just tell him he sucks in bed.
 
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